Re: Meeting with the school

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/01 8:59:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,

mvistad@... writes:

> I just wanted to tell you that wimpy 'ol me finally met with 's

> teachers, with the support of the guidance counselor (who seemed

> quite knowledgable about TS and OCD). It went fine!

Marlys

That's great news!!

<He said he is a neat freak, that he

wants kids to place their book-bags just so, sit just so, their feet

just so, walk in a specific pattern to the front of the room to hand

in papers, etc. >

This seems like the teacher has OCD or other issues. But my question is why

would the principle allow this to go on? I don't agree with him have other

kids do things just so. If he has OCD, then he should get it look into and

not expect anyone else to do things just so. This can add more stress to

children, in a regular stressful day. Were talking about 20-30 kids on a

daily basis.

I stress my son not to expect me to do things a certain way for him. He is

the one with OCD. Don't take me wrong. I work with him and will tolerate it

for a limited time, with him knowing I will not do things very long. Such as

answering a certain way. putting things a certain way (unless he is at a

stressful time he usual does not ask me to put things a certain way).

Tammy

[Guest guest]

Wow, ls! You are really somethin'

Yep, when I was reading your description of Mr. Control, my FIRST

thought--- this guy has OCD! No doubt!

About alcoholism and how it can effect generations: I seriously

think that my understanding of the disease, and my *learned* co-

dependency and enabling (from my family of origin) has truly helped

me break the cycle of dependency with and has sped up his

progress. He's doing GREAT right now - only 5 months with the right

medication and therapy. I do have to give myself a little credit. I

went into therapy WITH A MISSION and explained to his therapist how

MY sickness (by being co-ocd or co-dependent) with him was making his

OCD worse. I was THINKING for him, RATIONALIZING for him, feeling

SECURE for him, tip-toeing around him, being ANGRY at OCD for him,

over-protecting him, taking way too much responsibility for him

(unearned guilt), etc... I was behaving exactly like my mother did

around my alcoholic father!!! The light bulb finally went off

(thanks to past reading on co-dependency) that if *I'm* doing all the

work, he's never going to be motivitated to INTERNALLY change. His

motivation was coming from the outside-- from me. He didn't have to

do any work at all!

I told his therapist on day 1: " The sickness of others can make us

sick " -- and I'm very sick right now! LOL I told her how I feel

TRAPPED and tangled up inside 's brain and I needed to get OUT

of this mess I have created. I took responsibility for MY part: I

was feeling sorry for my son and crippling him with that. I no

longer feel sorry for him. Instead, I BELIEVE in his capabilities.

I know how strong he is -- I've seen it! His therapist was able

to cut right to the chase, told me to DETACH MYSELF from , let

her handle him, and for me to work on my OWN LIFE! That was music to

my ears. She understood exactly what was going on and where I was

coming from!

Thus, the therapists goals for are to 1)reduce his fear of

germs and contamination, 2) increase his trust in himself and belief

in *his* logic (not mine) 3) and make him more self-suffient and

less needy on Mom! Works for me! And, I couldn't do it without

her. A big part of his therapy is to get some space from me and work

on his own issues without pulling me (and manipulating me) into it.

Keep up the good work, Marlys. You're doing GREAT!! And, you are

ALREADY so much more than just " Mom of an OCD child! "

Joni

> Hi all,

> I just wanted to tell you that wimpy 'ol me finally met with

's

> teachers, with the support of the guidance counselor (who seemed

> quite knowledgable about TS and OCD). It went fine! I had prepared

> well, but still got a little teary-eyed at times. 3 of her 4

teachers

> for this semester attended. (I don't know why the band director

> wasn't there, but I know him fairly well and see him a lot,

> volunteering with the band, so that's fine.)

>

> Anyway, some interesting things... The French teacher is a gem!

And

> will have her for 2 more semesters - yay! Turns out she

has a

> son with bi-polar and has been through similar problems with

schools,

> getting a diagnosis, etc. She also said IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

> TEACHERS that her classroom likely works better for ,

because

> it's so flexible (Yes! I understand why likes this

class.)

> She mentioned that often stands (I didn't know this) over

by

> the window during class, and that's fine with her. She said that

> 's comprehension of class material is so good that it

certainly

> won't hurt her to miss class sometimes (we had been talking about

> permission to leave for a " safe place " to re-group when anxiety

> escalates).

>

> The reason this is so interesting is because the Biology teacher is

> the exact opposite - Mr. Control. He's not a bad guy, but he is

very

> rigid (structured, he says). He said he is a neat freak, that he

> wants kids to place their book-bags just so, sit just so, their

feet

> just so, walk in a specific pattern to the front of the room to

hand

> in papers, etc. I picked up on something between him and the

counselor

> that I can't explain (maybe past confrontations) when the counselor

> told him that he just doesn't give kids a break. He replied that

he

> does so, and she asked how and when. He replied that he allows

them

> to do things over.

> (As an aside, the folks on my TS support list thinks this teacher

has

> OCD.)

>

> Anyway, they all thanked me for sharing this info with them. They

> understood that wasn't happy about my being there, so I

hope

> they will not treat her too differently today in class.

>

> Next week I'm meeting with a possible therapist... am feeling more

> hopeful than I have in a long time. I guess taking action is

better

> than wringing my hands... :-) I'm also reading Herbert Gravitz'

> book " OCD - New Help for the Family " . Turns out (Joni, I think

you've

> talked about this before) that the family can be affected in a

similar

> manner to living with an alcoholic. Well, I've been there before,

and

> don't want to go that route again. So, I've got to get my own

life,

> besides mom of OCD-child!

>

> Sorry to be so long-winded - thanks for being there!

> Marlys in SC

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/01 4:17:01 PM Eastern Standard Time,

mvistad@... writes:

> ly, I'm

> exhausted and am just glad that will only have 6 more weeks of

> him.

>

Marlys

That is good she does not have long to go. My son is the type of person if he

thinks about it (repeating) he does it more. Having a teacher that has kids

do those things would make him worse!

Tammy

[Guest guest]

Marlys, I'm glad it went well! It helps so much just to have even

ONE understanding teacher, I'm glad you had more (except for the OCD

control teacher, who you'd THINK would understand since he likes

things HIS way too!- ) Hey, I was downright bawling last year at one

of our meetings; embarrassing but I guess it helps to see what stress

we parents are under and how concerned we are. And great French

teacher - more teachers should be so flexible (wish we had some this

year)! Anytime I have had a meeting, the teachers from the electives

classes (including band) have never shown up, just the core teachers

for the main subjects. Anyway, I'm sure this relieved a lot of

pressure off you and let us know how things go from here on!

> Hi all,

> I just wanted to tell you that wimpy 'ol me finally met with

's

> teachers, with the support of the guidance counselor (who seemed

> quite knowledgable about TS and OCD). It went fine! I had prepared

> well, but still got a little teary-eyed at times. 3 of her 4

teachers

> for this semester attended. (I don't know why the band director

> wasn't there, but I know him fairly well and see him a lot,

> volunteering with the band, so that's fine.)

>

> Anyway, some interesting things... The French teacher is a gem!

And

> will have her for 2 more semesters - yay! Turns out she

has a

> son with bi-polar and has been through similar problems with

schools,

> getting a diagnosis, etc. She also said IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

> TEACHERS that her classroom likely works better for ,

because

> it's so flexible (Yes! I understand why likes this

class.)

> She mentioned that often stands (I didn't know this) over

by

> the window during class, and that's fine with her. She said that

> 's comprehension of class material is so good that it

certainly

> won't hurt her to miss class sometimes (we had been talking about

> permission to leave for a " safe place " to re-group when anxiety

> escalates).

>

> The reason this is so interesting is because the Biology teacher is

> the exact opposite - Mr. Control. He's not a bad guy, but he is

very

> rigid (structured, he says). He said he is a neat freak, that he

> wants kids to place their book-bags just so, sit just so, their

feet

> just so, walk in a specific pattern to the front of the room to

hand

> in papers, etc. I picked up on something between him and the

counselor

> that I can't explain (maybe past confrontations) when the counselor

> told him that he just doesn't give kids a break. He replied that

he

> does so, and she asked how and when. He replied that he allows

them

> to do things over.

> (As an aside, the folks on my TS support list thinks this teacher

has

> OCD.)

>

> Anyway, they all thanked me for sharing this info with them. They

> understood that wasn't happy about my being there, so I

hope

> they will not treat her too differently today in class.

>

> Next week I'm meeting with a possible therapist... am feeling more

> hopeful than I have in a long time. I guess taking action is

better

> than wringing my hands... :-) I'm also reading Herbert Gravitz'

> book " OCD - New Help for the Family " . Turns out (Joni, I think

you've

> talked about this before) that the family can be affected in a

similar

> manner to living with an alcoholic. Well, I've been there before,

and

> don't want to go that route again. So, I've got to get my own

life,

> besides mom of OCD-child!

>

> Sorry to be so long-winded - thanks for being there!

> Marlys in SC

[Guest guest]

> Wow, ls! You are really somethin'

> Yep, when I was reading your description of Mr. Control, my FIRST

> thought--- this guy has OCD! No doubt!

>

I thought the same thing! - or worse, Obsessive-Compusive Personality

Disorder ...........

Way to stick to your guns Marlys! Maybe shedding a few tears isn't

such a bad thing to do - it helps them to remember that this is a

situation you live with 24/7!

Terry

[Guest guest]

Joni, Terry, Tammy, and others...

Thank you! You'll never know how much your support means to me! I

have caring sisters and friends, but even they shake their heads and

look at me with pity, as if they are sorry that I have this weird kid

with this strange problem. It's tough being out there alone, and you

all are helping me keep my sanity! :-)

I'll let you know how my meeting with the new therapist goes next

week!

(Tonight I'm going to see the movie " Serendipity " , and tomorrow for a

hike in the woods to a waterfall... ahhhh!)

Tammy, I agree with you that this Biology teacher is not good for ANY

student, but I don't know the school situation... does he have tenure,

does the principal not know of his " quirks " , etc. (The guidance

counselor and other teachers seemed to know...) ly, I'm

exhausted and am just glad that will only have 6 more weeks of

him.

Marlys in SC

[Guest guest]

Marlys,

Glad to hear your meeting is behind you. It sounded

successful....I hope that the Biology teacher will be

able to think of others ways to deal with your

daughter as well as the other students in the class.

Sounds like his control level is something he needs

.....I wonder if your daughter could relate to the fact

that he might have 'issues'.

I am reading the Herb Gravitz book also.

I find it a very easy read and something I wish I had

read much earlier.

Have a great weekend,

Vivian in WA ST

--- mvistad@... wrote:

> Hi all,

> I just wanted to tell you that wimpy 'ol me finally

> met with 's

> teachers, with the support of the guidance

> counselor (who seemed

> quite knowledgable about TS and OCD). It went fine!

> I had prepared

> well, but still got a little teary-eyed at times. 3

> of her 4 teachers

> for this semester attended. (I don't know why the

> band director

> wasn't there, but I know him fairly well and see him

> a lot,

> volunteering with the band, so that's fine.)

>

> Anyway, some interesting things... The French

> teacher is a gem! And

> will have her for 2 more semesters - yay!

> Turns out she has a

> son with bi-polar and has been through similar

> problems with schools,

> getting a diagnosis, etc. She also said IN FRONT OF

> THE OTHER

> TEACHERS that her classroom likely works better for

> , because

> it's so flexible (Yes! I understand why

> likes this class.)

> She mentioned that often stands (I didn't

> know this) over by

> the window during class, and that's fine with her.

> She said that

> 's comprehension of class material is so good

> that it certainly

> won't hurt her to miss class sometimes (we had been

> talking about

> permission to leave for a " safe place " to re-group

> when anxiety

> escalates).

>

> The reason this is so interesting is because the

> Biology teacher is

> the exact opposite - Mr. Control. He's not a bad

> guy, but he is very

> rigid (structured, he says). He said he is a neat

> freak, that he

> wants kids to place their book-bags just so, sit

> just so, their feet

> just so, walk in a specific pattern to the front of

> the room to hand

> in papers, etc. I picked up on something between him

> and the counselor

> that I can't explain (maybe past confrontations)

> when the counselor

> told him that he just doesn't give kids a break. He

> replied that he

> does so, and she asked how and when. He replied

> that he allows them

> to do things over.

> (As an aside, the folks on my TS support list thinks

> this teacher has

> OCD.)

>

> Anyway, they all thanked me for sharing this info

> with them. They

> understood that wasn't happy about my being

> there, so I hope

> they will not treat her too differently today in

> class.

>

> Next week I'm meeting with a possible therapist...

> am feeling more

> hopeful than I have in a long time. I guess taking

> action is better

> than wringing my hands... :-) I'm also reading

> Herbert Gravitz'

> book " OCD - New Help for the Family " . Turns out

> (Joni, I think you've

> talked about this before) that the family can be

> affected in a similar

> manner to living with an alcoholic. Well, I've been

> there before, and

> don't want to go that route again. So, I've got to

> get my own life,

> besides mom of OCD-child!

>

> Sorry to be so long-winded - thanks for being there!

> Marlys in SC

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

To Judy, Vivian, Amy, Quid, and others...

Thank you so much for your replies to me and your good wishes... and

hopefulness regarding my daughter's biology teacher. I just wanted to

clarify that the HS here is on a semester basis, so they have

" double-block " classes to get in a " years worth " of biology (or

whatever) in one semester. As a former math teacher, I don't like

this system for many reasons... but won't get into that right

now...

Anyway... yes, this is the only biology teacher, but I think she can

get through 6 more weeks. We'll take it a day at a time.

> Marlys,

> Glad to hear your meeting is behind you. It sounded

> successful....I hope that the Biology teacher will be

> able to think of others ways to deal with your

> daughter as well as the other students in the class.

> Sounds like his control level is something he needs

> ....I wonder if your daughter could relate to the fact

> that he might have 'issues'.

Yes, I did try that angle with her... and I think it gave her another

perspective...

> I am reading the Herb Gravitz book also.

> I find it a very easy read and something I wish I had

> read much earlier.

I found it supportive too...

> Have a great weekend,

Saturday was a beautiful warm and sunny day here, and I went hiking in

the woods, enjoyed the absolute quietness... the beauty of the

changing colors of the leaves... worked up a sweat, and was rewarded

with the cool dampness at the base of a waterfall... just lovely!

:-) Thanks!

Marlys in SC

[Guest guest]

Way to go, Rebekah! I'm betting the problem will be solved now!

granny, proud as punch

Meeting with the school " 2moro "

>

>Hey yal,

>

> Those following the Fish story...the " change of placement "

>meeting is tomorrow at 9am. A lot has gone on since I last wrote.

> is now being represented by OK disability Law center. They

>will be conferenced into the meeting by phone tomorrow. They have

>already written a 2 page letter and had 4 pages of enclosures faxed

>over to the Superintendant's office and also CC'ed a copy to the

>State Dept. of Special Ed. It was the most thorough letter written

>on behalf of my daughter I've seen in a few years! I was so proud.

>They are asking for a Playman/Robo by Permobil for for the

>classroom so that she can be independant and be safer. They asked

>for a thorough investigation into the injury incidient and also an

>Assistive Tech eval for both and the other student. They have

>also asked that the district contact Dr. Riffel,

>www.behaviordoctor.org, for assistance in the little boy's agressive

>behavior. I'm very happy with the outcome of waiting for the

>attorney to return my calls. It was just amazing...the attorney

>called me at 10:30am yesterday morning and by 2:15pm she had the

>letter in my email inbox. I'll keep you up-to-date with the

>outcome. Thanks to all of you!! [1 2:19-21]

>

>Bless you,

>Rebekah

>Oklahoma

>