re: Stubborn

May 27, 2003

Hi ,

What memories on this route, stills says " no " . At least I

understand why when he does it. Most of the time does not

mean it, because he'll still do whatever is asked out of him along

with the silly laugh, now. It was work though and some learning to

understand. It does vary from person to person, but what I've

observed with and a few of his classmates who are in this

arena have come a long way with the teacher, aides, & myself to

understand reason behind this behavior which has decreased. One of

the reasons behind this behavior was to act out to get out of the

situation they did not want to do. Alot of what they are doing is

acting out of frustration. I do not not use many words when I would

like for him to do something at home. I did have to learn to have

some patience, not that you don't but I would lose it and get

frustrated myself. Not anymore as I try to figure out why he is

frustrated and then try to talk him through it.

sounds like a pretty smart young man and yes it will increase

with age, my opinion. Don't blame it on yourself or him. This is

part of him needing someone to teach him how to communicate in a way

he could learn. Many outsiders would probably tell you he is acting

out to get attention but he has no control over it.

Although some of our kids may know what they want to say or do, they

cannot get the message on how to do it from their brain. Our kids

may not understand anything you or his educator say verbally and so

you would have to rely on pictures or an item for even the simple

instruction.

The more difficulty the child has communicating, the more

frustration. It is hard to know what our children want or knows. If

you or an educator may ask him to perform something he has mastered,

or have no interest he may have a tantrum. So remember if he is

acting out, he is not being bad its because he has a need. Which

would involve many hidden issues social deficits, severe

communication, sensory or health issues to name a few that is not

being met, it would be a challenge to figure it out. Our kids tend

to get overwhelmed. Constant pushing might cause the reverse side

effect.

make sure you apply on your next ARD meeting for his IEP to

request that he has a trained aide and educator and if not that they

must attend some classes to learn. Down the road if there is no

accomplishment on addressing this behavior you will have something

to throw back at the school district who has failed him. If the IEP

team mentions anything negative, these are your sons rights and yes

it'll probably cost the school district more, but having a skilled

one with your child is priceless.

today which I am proud of him has become more functional and

compliant, engaged and attentive in his environment at home and

school. Its like what does he like? Does not like? Any fixations and

what does it mean to him? Why? Why? Only to work around matching up

things and modified them until things comfort him instead of

frustration.

Ok, a brag of how much has done this past Friday written by

his teacher: " Excellent behavior! Great while shopping, stayed with

group in store, walking, and while at Dave & Busters Restaurant.

Ordered from waiter with some assistance. Said " Thank You " for food.

Played Jurrasic Park. Did not run around in game room. Very

appropriate socially. " You can imagine how I felt. : )

Last visit were the meltdown, the no's, running, the " leave me

alone " , hitting, etc. A tiring day, you could say. WOW! What a

difference.

Thanks for listening as I know this is long. Take care and you hang

in there. I know, easy said than done but one day you'll see that

will come around. Its just finding that right key answer to

some comfort and time. Like what you had mentioned on your truck

scoop. This is a little of what an ABA Therapist had mentioned to

me. " Give no attention to an unwanted behavior, no eye contact,

nothing. Act as if it isn't ocurring (as long as their safety needs

are being met). Praise, reinforce the positive or wanted behaviors

when he is calm or when he follows an instruction " .

is a smart young man and is looking for your reaction,

eventually when they get no attention for a behavior the behavior

will decrease. Hey! Whatever works is a Blessing.

Hugs!

Irma,14,DS/ASD

May 28, 2003

>

> From: " mum592001 " <ICANFIELD@...>

> Date: 2003/05/27 Tue PM 04:16:36 EDT

>

> Subject: Re: Stubborn

>

> Ok, a brag of how much has done this past Friday written by

his teacher: " Excellent behavior! Great while shopping, stayed with

group in store, walking, and while at Dave & Busters Restaurant.

Ordered from waiter with some assistance. Said " Thank You " for food.

Played Jurrasic Park. Did not run around in game room. Very

appropriate socially. " You can imagine how I felt. : )

Last visit were the meltdown, the no's, running, the " leave me

alone " , hitting, etc. A tiring day, you could say. WOW! What a

difference.

Just wanted to comment on your brag, Irma. That is so great!! Persistance pays

off.

Diane (mom to Rochelle-6 ds/asd/celiac)

May 5, 2008

This is an easy description to dump onto our kids. Yes, many/most of

the exhibit stubborn streaks.

An important thing for all who deal with our kids (and this is a good

rule in general) is that one should try to put ones self into their

shoes and look at why they might react in a particular way.

Does anyone ever think about the view from of a child (or often an

adult) with down syndrome? To them it seems like everyone is telling

them what to do. The people doing that seem to simply declare what is

tohappen. Well, isn't stubborn just a little self assertion, perhaps

not always well placed.

When is the time to slow down and mentor rather than boss? The time to

learn when it is appropriate to assert choices rather than just shut down.

Yes, my daughter was a hand full at school. Stubborn was an OK word, as

was " stop, drop, and flop " a behaviour. We let the teachers handle it

(training for both the child and the teacher) and didn't attribute it to

some " bad characteristic " of our child. They had to (and did) learn how

to motivate her rather than shut her down, but I'm worried that if we

take this as a personal characteristic, it will be used as an excuse to

give up educating.

Sure we had it at home. Even today, I measure Jan's responses by

whether there is pushback when we ask for something. There often is a

delay if you unexpectedly ask for something NOW, but if you start by

conversation about why something is important now and get her buy in,

there is no delay.

Rick

May 5, 2008

Another thing I think that people (parents included) often forget is that our

children need more processing time. This is something that I always write in

the IEP's under modification.

Give them the direction, and allow them to mull it over in their mind, give

another positive prompt if needed, but most times they are just processing it

and will go in that direction soon.

We actually use the " prewarning " technique for all of our children.

Give them a warning.. in 10 minutes it will be time to go brush your teeth.

Then... In 5 minutes it will be time to go brush your teeth.

Then, In 1 minute it will be time to go brush your teeth.

And, again, all of my children, and most children, respond to praise and

positive reinforcement rather than being pushed or scolded.

May 5, 2008

Well said!? The positive attribute to stubbornness is often seen as

persistence.? So, my advice is to put the positive spin to what the

" professionals " are calling a negative.

Example:

Teacher:? Mrs. Q Susie is just so stubborn it is hindering our efforts to

educate her.

Mrs. Q:? Isn't it wonderful that Susie is so persistent?? How can we harness

this persistence to help her achieve?

(In this example we took the negative (stubbornness) and turned it into a

positive persistence and then asked the teacher to help us figure out a way to

utilize it (as we say in this house) " for good not evil " .)

Cari