grandma

May 13, 2000

You won't like my ideas but here goes: Smoking is hazardous to health,

therefore your house no smoking - she doesn't like it, get her a beach chair to

smoke outside!

Guns are an incident waiting to happen. Even in the gay old days people didn't

leave guns laying out for children - my father was a policeman - his Colt 45 was

padlocked in a metal fishing box with the key on his key chain. The bullets

were in his pocket - 2 of them. He said if he ever needed his gun he would only

need 2 bullets. The bullets were on his nightstand at night along with his

keys. The fishing box was in the nightable drawer. We all knew that we didn't

bother Dad at night and we didn;t mess with his " stuff " . nowadays, people need

to be at least as careful as my Dad was 50 years ago!! I guess there is some

truth to the saying that some survive because G-d is too busy to take them out!

You need to decide if you want a relationship with this in-law. I for one would

stay home and keep home too. After all, then she can smoke and bil can

play with guns. Then you just have to worry about DH and Tanner!

Sara

>>> kawetzel@... - 05/13/0 1:53 PM >>>

DH and I had one of those tense discussions that always occurs when we get

to " his family " . It started with the fact that Tanner (NDA) has a playdate

at a friends, and should we ask about guns in the house (with all the media

lately). Mark started talking about his mom's belief that people should be

able to have guns because she grew up on a farm and that's what people did.

Then I started to worry about yet another issue at that DAMN farm we get

dragged to each and every year. It is in the middle of nowhere. It is not

a working farm, although the land is rented to cows. There is a barn

full of dangers for the kids. There are numerous ponds. THere are

electric fences. She doesn't talk about anything except the weather, and

barely acknowledges . Her 40 something son (Mark's brother)lives

there. He hasn't worked in 15 years - I think his last diagnosis is adult

ADHD. He is an accident ready to happen (last winter, he broke his mom's

fuel oil tank). His 14 yr/old son is often there. Last year, he

accidently burned his dad's apartment down (sending dad back to grandmas

house), fell off a roof to break his arm, shot out some windows at the farm

with his BB gun, and was caught smoking. No brains. I have always lived in

fixer-up-ers, but this place is beyond that. Mark's mom smokes like a

chimney, which neither I nor Jen can tolerate. There is nothing to do there

except chase through the fields.

Last year, Mark took the kids there alone because I despise the place so

much. , but now I am extra worried about Jen or Tanner finding a gun that

cousin Jay left out, or cousin Jay shooting out a lung with his BB gun. DH

just doesn't watch the kids that well. Mark said he doesn't worry about

that kind of stuff as much as I do. No sh++.

Yes, we invite her here, but even when she comes, that does not decrease

our duty to go there.

Any advice? (She is already annoyed at me for not letting her smoke in

front of the kids.)

Kara

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May 14, 2000

I probably wouldn't miss her, and neither would and probably not

Tanner. Lyndsey (my oldest that she pays attention to) and DH would. I

know I gotta get tougher, but difficult unless I get support from DH

Thanks

Kara

>

>You need to decide if you want a relationship with this in-law. I for one

would stay home and keep home too. After all, then she can smoke and

bil can play with guns. Then you just have to worry about DH and Tanner!

>

>Sara

>

May 15, 2000

kara, first of all, its your house and if you choose no smoking then so be

it..... all my dh's family smoke, even the sil and bil that are living in my

basement....but they go outside to smoke!!! i am sorry for them, but its my

house and if they choose to smoke cancersticks, they go outside.........as

for your mil, i would not even waste my time going....why torture yourselves

and put you children in danger....no offense, but your bil sounds like he's

not mature enough to be around kids, burning things down, shooting out

windows......IKES SCARY, NIGHTMARE WAITING TO HAPPEN.... tell dh to go by

himself to bond with his family........ i would not expose my children to

this behavior.....especially ashton, she mimics very well,she doesnt need to

be exposed to shooting or burning........lord help me.....my parents live on

a farm...but my dad has his two guns out of sight in another building nowhere

near where the kids go....... my children enjoy the farm, but my parents have

structured activities, like 8am feed cows, 830am chase the pigs, 900am

breakfast at the local feedstore-gossip center, 930 tubing down the

creek...... so they have something to do and my parents fortunately are

mature and i don't have a half-mature bil running around waiting to expose

the kids to fire and bee=bees...... okay i shall shutup......i just have no

sympathy for people who are able to work adn havent in fifteen years and

spend most of thetime doing damage to property that is not even his......okay

my two cents...lmao and it s not even my family......please hang in there and

keep us updatedleah

May 15, 2000

Dear Kara,

I am 100% with Sara on this one - especially about the guns. I actually think

about this alot - hmm, everyone is concerned about what their kids might see on

TV at their friends houses but no one (that I know, anyway) ever asks the

question - Is there a gun in your house? before letting the kids visit. I'm

sure that there are some good reasons for owning a hand gun but off hand I can't

think of any that are worth the potential risk to my kids lives....

Pat - a girl of the city and burbs where (fortunately, IMHO) guns have never

been a big thing!

May 16, 2000

In a message dated 5/13/00 2:02:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

kawetzel@... writes:

<< Any advice? (She is already annoyed at me for not letting her smoke in

front of the kids.)

Kara

>>

Gosh Kara. This is a tough one, but I would keep them home too, and state

your reasons honestly. I don't blame you one bit. If it were me, they would

not go. As for the smoking, who cares if she's annoyed!! When I moved to

this house 8 years ago, I bought a No Smoking sign and put it on my door. My

whole family smokes (beligerently so) and I knew just asking them not to

smoke in my house wouldn't work, so I had to be bold. Believe me, I got

talked about for months over that one, but I didn't care. The only time I

allowed smoking in my home was at my father's funeral (I'm the one in the

family with the big house, so most events end up here). At my mother's a

year and a half later, NO ONE even attempted to light up-----she died of

emphysema!!

Donna

May 16, 2000

holy cow!!!! sara, i cant believe your hubby went to captains mass for

that.....hehe that is funny!!!!!! i almost went once for crazy

behavior.....heheheh but my master chief got me out and saved my

ass......hehehe take care, l;eah

May 16, 2000

I really think that smoking is such an issue that your not forbidding smoking

would be dereliction of duty!!

This isn't smokers anonymous, but I smoked for years. I was never allowed to

nor would I ever attempt to smoke in my house. I always went far enough away

from the house that the smoke didn't enter through windows. My husband is a

rabid non-smoker (went to captain's mast once in the Navy because he refused to

work in a certain area on the ship because of cigarette smoke). Of course even

Navy ships are off limits to smokers now. Why shouldn't your house be smoke

free and your concern on this health issue be recognized??

Sara

>>> duffey48@... - 05/16/0 1:15 PM >>>