Re: Fwd: Fw: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

[Guest guest]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry!! These were so funny, but only

because they haven't happened to me (yet!) I know with these crazy

kids of mine, I should be prepared for these to happen. Who knew a

ceiling fan could be so menacing!!

Niki

Kaylie & Danny (STAR grads)

Phila., PA

>

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> THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

>

>

> For those who already have children past this age, this is

hilarious.

> For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

> For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

> For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

> It came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):

>

> 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot

house 4

> inches deep.

>

> 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with

roller

> blades, they can ignite.

>

> 3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

restaurant.

>

> 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not

strong enough

> to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman

cape. It is

> strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on

all four

> walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

>

> 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using

> the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times

before

> you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

>

> 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball

hit by a

> ceiling fan.

>

> 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words " Uh-oh, " it'

already too

> late.

>

> 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

>

> 9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a

> 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

>

> 10. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-

year-old.

>

> 11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same

sentence.

>

> 12. Super glue is forever.

>

> 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still

can't walk

> on water.

>

> 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

>

> 15. VCR's do not eject PB & J sandwiches even though TV commercials

show they

> do.

>

> 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

>

> 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

>

> 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

>

> 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do

not like

> ovens.

>

> 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

>

> 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms

dizzy.

>

> 22. It will however make cats dizzy.

>

> 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

>

> 24. Fish do not eat raisins.