Fwd: A Mother's Dictionary... Rated R

[Guest guest]

Maybe you've seen them, maybe not.

They are funny and some are head shakers.

I giggled quite a lot.

Les

1.AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to

have sex again.

2.BOTTLE FEEDING: An

opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am also.

3.DEFENSE: What you'd

better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play

outside.

4.DROOLING: How teething

babies wash their chins.

5.DUMBWAITER: One who

asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

6.FAMILY PLANNING: The

art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the

edge of financial disaster.

7.FEEDBACK: The

inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained

carrots.

8.FULL NAME: What you

call your child when you're mad at him.

9.GRANDPARENTS: The

people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure

you're not raising them right.

10.HEARSAY: What toddlers do

when anyone mutters a dirty word.

11.IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose

memory of labor is still vivid.

12.INDEPENDENT: How we want

our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

13.LOOK OUT!: What it's too

late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

14.PRENATAL: When your life

was still somewhat your own.

15.PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A

contradiction in terms.

16.PUDDLE: A small body of

water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

17.SHOW OFF: A child who is

more talented than yours.

18.STERILIZE: What you do to

your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier

by blowing on it.

19.STOREROOM: The distance

required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping

carts can't quite reach anything.

20.TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you

should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

21.TOP BUNK: Where you should

never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

22.TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When

the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting

noises.

23.VERBAL: Able to whine in

words

24.WEAKER SEX: The kind you

have after the kids have worn you out.

25.WHODUNIT: None of the kids

that live in your house.

26.WHOOPS: An exclamation that

translates roughly into " get a sponge. "