Re: Re: looking for wisdom - again

[Guest guest]

I agree with all these suggestions. I am more than willing to be " FB

Friends " with whomever needs (Dawn Sontos Shaw). I tell people to not give

their number to unless they are ok with texts. He will just continue

texting if you will answer. I have had complaints - but try and explain to

him that he has to write appropriately or not at all. He will write lyrics

to songs and people take them as words so they can be offended (have you

ever read some of the lyrics to the most popular songs? Yikes! As for

Facebook - those people have to approve the friend request so they can

control if it becomes too much.

All they want is to be included and have a conversation with someone. We

can give that to them - we just have to be creative and make it happen for

them. Just because it can't be like everyone else doesn't mean it can't be

good for them.

Dawn Mom to 18 whose phone is his lifeline although he doesn't have

many who will answer him

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of bandwsmom

Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 6:06 PM

Subject: Re: looking for wisdom - again

Eleanor,

I'm sorry your daughter's classmates aren't more inviting. It seems that

many of our children wind up left out of the social scene when their typical

peers reach the teenage years. My son is nearly 15 so we are starting to see

the same pattern in social situations.

We're not on Facebook so I haven't had to deal with their controls. Are

there ways you can lock down her Facebook account so that she can see things

but can only post to certain people?

Seconding the idea to find contacts for her who understand and are

interested in her, whether that's family or friends or other

members. B would love a pen-pal - either old fashion snail mail or email.

Also, I will pass along a friend's wisdom. Her daughter was boy-crazy and

had trouble with boundaries. Fortunately she liked a particular boy, who

also has Ds. Anytime the daughter acted inappropriately toward another boy,

they reminder her that BL was her boy friend and he wouldn't like for her to

pay attention to another boy.

San

P.S.

I realize you're talking about Facebook messages but for us phone text

messages were an issue. In case anyone else faces that problem, phone text

messages won't go through without all 10 digits. So I edited his contact

list and took out the area code of most of his friends. I left them for his

immediate family and for certain other family members. This has stopped the

inappropriate texts to friends but still gives him freedom to text to people

who are willing participants.

>

> Folks,

>

> My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no

filter, so if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to figure

out navigating the challenging world of social nuances and high school life,

but it is tricky. She is such a pleasant kid most of the time, but this is a

tough issue.

>

> She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer. She is

in love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the social world

she is rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but isn't.

>

> Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost always

boys. She wants to connect with them. One in particular became angry about

it yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to my cell and told me

he wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and that I would take away

her iPad if she didn't. She listened. Today, she did it again. He texted me

and I took a look at her FB messages to him to see how many times she had

'texted' him. (She texts random letters because she doesn't want to take the

time to write real words and she doesn't spell very well.)

> She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! " (I'm

leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

>

> I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote to

her. I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not), he

wouldn't take my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

>

> My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her classmates

so much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any thoughts for me?

She's in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any number of things, but she

does not get invited to anything hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or

monthly. I just don't seem to know how to broaden her social life.

>

> Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Eleanor

>

[Guest guest]

I think as we enter high school this fall, we are entering this

territory. Yesterday was talking to her big sis when

asked if it was OK if (BF) could come bowling with them

today. said " sure, he can come, he's nice and he likes me. "

replied " of course he likes you, you're great " or something like

that, and proceeded to say " well, maybe when you go to college

next year he can be MY boyfriend! " had to explain that it wasn't

cool to like other girl's boyfriends, especially not your sister's

boyfriend! Oh, and that was her grade and would also be going to

college at the same time, but that fact didn't seem to matter to

! Somehow this was all funnier yesterday.

So far, the phone is brand new and she only has family contacts in it,

so I will have to monitor this when school starts and she potentially

starts collecting phone numbers. Good idea about the area codes, funny

thing, San Diego has two area codes, and somehow 's phone got

the other area code from all of ours and our town... I almost had the

number changed, now I can see that might be a good thing!

Darn all these kids growing up so fast!!!

, mom to (16), (14 DS) and Sammy (12)

On 6/19/2012 3:05 PM, bandwsmom wrote:

>

> Eleanor,

> I'm sorry your daughter's classmates aren't more inviting. It seems

> that many of our children wind up left out of the social scene when

> their typical peers reach the teenage years. My son is nearly 15 so we

> are starting to see the same pattern in social situations.

>

> We're not on Facebook so I haven't had to deal with their controls.

> Are there ways you can lock down her Facebook account so that she can

> see things but can only post to certain people?

>

> Seconding the idea to find contacts for her who understand and are

> interested in her, whether that's family or friends or other

> members. B would love a pen-pal - either old fashion snail mail or email.

>

> Also, I will pass along a friend's wisdom. Her daughter was boy-crazy

> and had trouble with boundaries. Fortunately she liked a particular

> boy, who also has Ds. Anytime the daughter acted inappropriately

> toward another boy, they reminder her that BL was her boy friend and

> he wouldn't like for her to pay attention to another boy.

>

> San

>

> P.S.

> I realize you're talking about Facebook messages but for us phone text

> messages were an issue. In case anyone else faces that problem, phone

> text messages won't go through without all 10 digits. So I edited his

> contact list and took out the area code of most of his friends. I left

> them for his immediate family and for certain other family members.

> This has stopped the inappropriate texts to friends but still gives

> him freedom to text to people who are willing participants.

>

>

> >

> > Folks,

> >

> > My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no

> filter, so if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to

> figure out navigating the challenging world of social nuances and high

> school life, but it is tricky. She is such a pleasant kid most of the

> time, but this is a tough issue.

> >

> > She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer.

> She is in love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the

> social world she is rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but

> isn't.

> >

> > Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost

> always boys. She wants to connect with them. One in particular became

> angry about it yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to

> my cell and told me he wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and

> that I would take away her iPad if she didn't. She listened. Today,

> she did it again. He texted me and I took a look at her FB messages to

> him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She texts random

> letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real words

> and she doesn't spell very well.)

> > She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! "

> (I'm leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

> >

> > I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he

> wrote to her. I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly

> (not), he wouldn't take my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

> >

> > My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her

> classmates so much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any

> thoughts for me? She's in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any

> number of things, but she does not get invited to anything

> hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just don't seem to

> know how to broaden her social life.

> >

> > Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Eleanor

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

That is a proactive way to handle that situation! Way to go.

Eleanor, I hope you can find some good solutions for in all these posts. I

have just been reading, because I am in the same boat, but Livi is a bit younger

- 11 next month - but she really loves her school friends. She has had

playdates, but it has been like one with each - the three girls that are very

friendly to her - and then it fizzled out. I am going to try to start the

playdates up now in the summer, and see what happens, and also she is having a

bday in July. 

Did you do anything about the text? I know that wasn't your question when you

posted, but I thought about it too, what a mean thing that was. Olivia has an

iPod. She can really only text her uncle or me, and she texts gibberish - but

she would have been able to read or sound out that message.

Patty

________________________________

From: D <Mit@...>

Sent: Friday, June 22, 2012 12:21 PM

Subject: Re: looking for wisdom - again

 

Dear Eleanor,

Your post has been eating away at me and it reminds me of something that

happened to my son on Facebook a few years ago. A group of boys sent very

nasty disgusting messages to my son, Colin. Colin didn't know these boys

they targeted him because he had Down Syndrome and he has Alopecia..he looks

different to say the least.

I chose a different approach. I scoped these guys out and found out where

they went to school and what activities they were into. It turned out two

were on their school's football team...at a Christian school. They were

both going to be seniors in high school. I took their messages, and sent a

short note to their parents, their school's principal, and the football

coach explaining that this is how their kids were behaving. Well, needless

to say, it got a lot of attention. The boys wound up having to do some

community service with people with developmental disabilities in order to

maintain their standing on the team and at their school. The boys all

apologized to my and to Colin, but even better they learned something to.

I know you are not in the same position, but I really think that you need to

not let this boy get away with that. Does your school have a Best Buddies

program or something similar? This kid needs to understand that people like

our kids have wonderful abilities and that their feelings are as meaningful

as anyone else's feelings. His rudeness was uncalled for. He needs to know

not to do anything like that again.

Proud mom to Colin Avril, age 19

[Guest guest]

I am glad this worked out... I really do believe that most kids are good

kids, some just need to be shown the right way more than others. And

probably a lot of these situations, the kids don't think it through,

they just say or type, maybe because they think it's funny, maybe to be

cool around friends, whatever. These boys will certainly think twice

before being unkind or disrespectful to someone... what a great life

lesson they have learned.

, mom to (16), (14 DS), and Sammy (12)

On 6/22/2012 9:21 AM, D wrote:

>

> Dear Eleanor,

>

> Your post has been eating away at me and it reminds me of something that

> happened to my son on Facebook a few years ago. A group of boys sent very

> nasty disgusting messages to my son, Colin. Colin didn't know these boys

> they targeted him because he had Down Syndrome and he has Alopecia..he

> looks

> different to say the least.

>

> I chose a different approach. I scoped these guys out and found out where

> they went to school and what activities they were into. It turned out two

> were on their school's football team...at a Christian school. They were

> both going to be seniors in high school. I took their messages, and sent a

> short note to their parents, their school's principal, and the football

> coach explaining that this is how their kids were behaving. Well, needless

> to say, it got a lot of attention. The boys wound up having to do some

> community service with people with developmental disabilities in order to

> maintain their standing on the team and at their school. The boys all

> apologized to my and to Colin, but even better they learned something to.

>

> I know you are not in the same position, but I really think that you

> need to

> not let this boy get away with that. Does your school have a Best Buddies

> program or something similar? This kid needs to understand that people

> like

> our kids have wonderful abilities and that their feelings are as

> meaningful

> as anyone else's feelings. His rudeness was uncalled for. He needs to know

> not to do anything like that again.

>

>

>

> Proud mom to Colin Avril, age 19

>

>