Re: looking for wisdom - again

[Guest guest]

I do not know if this will help, but it was the first thing that came to my

mind.

I have a Facebook page and I have one or two Fb friends who are young adults and

have down syndrome. Perhaps some of us can friend her, and provide an outlet

for socialization. Only after approval from you of course!

I would not mind being her friend. I post a lot about my daughter and she might

enjoy communicating about her experiences when she was her age.

Just a thought

~j

On Jun 19, 2012, at 2:04 PM, Green Eleanor I wrote:

> Folks,

>

> My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no filter, so

if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to figure out navigating

the challenging world of social nuances and high school life, but it is tricky.

She is such a pleasant kid most of the time, but this is a tough issue.

>

> She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer. She is in

love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the social world she is

rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but isn't.

>

> Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost always boys.

She wants to connect with them. One in particular became angry about it

yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to my cell and told me he

wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and that I would take away her iPad

if she didn't. She listened. Today, she did it again. He texted me and I took a

look at her FB messages to him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She

texts random letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real

words and she doesn't spell very well.)

> She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! " (I'm

leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

>

> I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote to her.

I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not), he wouldn't take

my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

>

> My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her classmates so

much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any thoughts for me? She's

in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any number of things, but she does not

get invited to anything hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just

don't seem to know how to broaden her social life.

>

> Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Eleanor

>

>

[Guest guest]

What a good odea !

Re: looking for wisdom - again

I do not know if this will help, but it was the first thing that came to my

mind.

I have a Facebook page and I have one or two Fb friends who are young adults and

have down syndrome. Perhaps some of us can friend her, and provide an outlet

for socialization. Only after approval from you of course!

I would not mind being her friend. I post a lot about my daughter and she might

enjoy communicating about her experiences when she was her age.

Just a thought

~j

On Jun 19, 2012, at 2:04 PM, Green Eleanor I wrote:

& gt; Folks,

& gt;

& gt; My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no filter,

so

if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to figure out navigating

the challenging world of social nuances and high school life, but it is tricky.

She is such a pleasant kid most of the time, but this is a tough issue.

& gt;

& gt; She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer. She is

in

love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the social world she is

rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but isn't.

& gt;

& gt; Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost always

boys.

She wants to connect with them. One in particular became angry about it

yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to my cell and told me he

wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and that I would take away her iPad

if she didn't. She listened. Today, she did it again. He texted me and I took a

look at her FB messages to him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She

texts random letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real

words and she doesn't spell very well.)

& gt; She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! " (I'm

leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

& gt;

& gt; I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote to

her.

I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not), he wouldn't take

my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

& gt;

& gt; My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her classmates

so

much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any thoughts for me? She's

in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any number of things, but she does not

get invited to anything hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just

don't seem to know how to broaden her social life.

& gt;

& gt; Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

& gt;

& gt; Thanks,

& gt;

& gt; Eleanor

& gt;

& gt;

[Guest guest]

I've only just found this, not sure how suitable it will be, but it is kinda

cool!

http://www.friendsofquinn.com/

________________________________

From: " Loree5@... " <Loree5@...>

julie@...; eig6@...

Cc:

Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 12:47:30 PM

Subject: Re: looking for wisdom - again

 

What a good odea !

Re: looking for wisdom - again

I do not know if this will help, but it was the first thing that came to my

mind.

I have a Facebook page and I have one or two Fb friends who are young adults and

have down syndrome. Perhaps some of us can friend her, and provide an outlet

for socialization. Only after approval from you of course!

I would not mind being her friend. I post a lot about my daughter and she might

enjoy communicating about her experiences when she was her age.

Just a thought

~j

On Jun 19, 2012, at 2:04 PM, Green Eleanor I wrote:

& gt; Folks,

& gt;

& gt; My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no filter,

so

if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to figure out navigating

the challenging world of social nuances and high school life, but it is tricky.

She is such a pleasant kid most of the time, but this is a tough issue.

& gt;

& gt; She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer. She is

in

love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the social world she is

rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but isn't.

& gt;

& gt; Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost always

boys.

She wants to connect with them. One in particular became angry about it

yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to my cell and told me he

wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and that I would take away her iPad

if she didn't. She listened. Today, she did it again. He texted me and I took a

look at her FB messages to him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She

texts random letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real

words and she doesn't spell very well.)

& gt; She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! " (I'm

leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

& gt;

& gt; I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote to

her.

I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not), he wouldn't take

my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

& gt;

& gt; My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her classmates

so

much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any thoughts for me? She's

in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any number of things, but she does not

get invited to anything hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just

don't seem to know how to broaden her social life.

& gt;

& gt; Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

& gt;

& gt; Thanks,

& gt;

& gt; Eleanor

& gt;

& gt;

[Guest guest]

Eleanor,

I'm sorry your daughter's classmates aren't more inviting. It seems that many

of our children wind up left out of the social scene when their typical peers

reach the teenage years. My son is nearly 15 so we are starting to see the same

pattern in social situations.

We're not on Facebook so I haven't had to deal with their controls. Are there

ways you can lock down her Facebook account so that she can see things but can

only post to certain people?

Seconding the idea to find contacts for her who understand and are interested in

her, whether that's family or friends or other members. B would love

a pen-pal - either old fashion snail mail or email.

Also, I will pass along a friend's wisdom. Her daughter was boy-crazy and had

trouble with boundaries. Fortunately she liked a particular boy, who also has

Ds. Anytime the daughter acted inappropriately toward another boy, they

reminder her that BL was her boy friend and he wouldn't like for her to pay

attention to another boy.

San

P.S.

I realize you're talking about Facebook messages but for us phone text messages

were an issue. In case anyone else faces that problem, phone text messages

won't go through without all 10 digits. So I edited his contact list and took

out the area code of most of his friends. I left them for his immediate family

and for certain other family members. This has stopped the inappropriate texts

to friends but still gives him freedom to text to people who are willing

participants.

>

> Folks,

>

> My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no filter, so

if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to figure out navigating

the challenging world of social nuances and high school life, but it is tricky.

She is such a pleasant kid most of the time, but this is a tough issue.

>

> She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer. She is in

love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the social world she is

rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but isn't.

>

> Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost always boys.

She wants to connect with them. One in particular became angry about it

yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to my cell and told me he

wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and that I would take away her iPad

if she didn't. She listened. Today, she did it again. He texted me and I took a

look at her FB messages to him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She

texts random letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real

words and she doesn't spell very well.)

> She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! " (I'm

leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

>

> I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote to her.

I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not), he wouldn't take

my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

>

> My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her classmates so

much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any thoughts for me? She's

in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any number of things, but she does not

get invited to anything hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just

don't seem to know how to broaden her social life.

>

> Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Eleanor

>

[Guest guest]

I would consider letting his parents know about this.  Also isn't there a way he

can block texts from that number?  Or can't he simply ignore the texts?  I have

a lesser problem with Amelia (aged 12) crushing on boys who aren't interested. 

I am a bus driver and I see it on our bus, which she rides with other middle

schoolers.  I have a conversation with them each year explaining her disability

and asking for their patience.  When she gets into one of her " staring at a cute

boy " things I will gently and publicly admonish her that it's not polite to

stare.  She continues but what it does is acknowledge the other kids discomfort

and calls on them to be patient.  I also load her up with magazines that feature

teenage heart throbs.  I do love the idea of a FACEBOOK page for young people

with Down Syndrome to connect on.  My kid is normal in this way and I want her

to have a normal life in this area.  

Ann

[Guest guest]

You know, this keeps bothering me. I don't care if your daughter was

irritating him (although based on the amount of texts teenagers get per

day, I hardly think two is excessive)... what he wrote was downright

wrong. I generally don't advocate " tattling " but I really think that is

this boy was willing to write what he did to your daughter, he's got

serious issues and his parents should know. I know that if one of my

children treated any other person that disrespectfully, I would want to

know, wouldn't you? All he had to do is hit delete, just like all the

other messages he gets in a day, yet he chose to lash out... it's not

like she was trying to sit on his lap during lunch hour!

OK, off my soap box...

, mom to (16), (14 DS) and Sammy (12)

On 6/19/2012 12:04 PM, Green Eleanor I wrote:

>

> Folks,

>

> My girl is 16. Liking boys did not come in late. At all. She has no

> filter, so if she likes you, you know it. We try to help her try to

> figure out navigating the challenging world of social nuances and high

> school life, but it is tricky. She is such a pleasant kid most of the

> time, but this is a tough issue.

>

> She has an iPad. She is very adept with it and the family computer.

> She is in love with Facebook. In love. It is her means to access the

> social world she is rarely a part of and wishes to be included in, but

> isn't.

>

> Here's the problem - she 'texts' kids too often - and it's almost

> always boys. She wants to connect with them. One in particular became

> angry about it yesterday after she 'texted' him 3 times. He wrote to

> my cell and told me he wanted her to stop. I told her what he said and

> that I would take away her iPad if she didn't. She listened. Today,

> she did it again. He texted me and I took a look at her FB messages to

> him to see how many times she had 'texted' him. (She texts random

> letters because she doesn't want to take the time to write real words

> and she doesn't spell very well.)

> She had texted him 2 times. He wrote back to her: " F*** Y** B****! "

> (I'm leaving out the letters, but he did not.)

>

> I was so sickened by this. Of course, he didn't tell me what he wrote

> to her. I wrote back to him, and tried to call him. Shockingly (not),

> he wouldn't take my call, nor has he responded via email or text.

>

> My girl is lonely - I know I've said this before. She loves her

> classmates so much, and wants to be involved too. Does anyone have any

> thoughts for me? She's in 4-H, church stuff, Special Olympics...any

> number of things, but she does not get invited to anything

> hardly...Meetings are only once/wk or monthly. I just don't seem to

> know how to broaden her social life.

>

> Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Eleanor

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Eleanor,

Your post has been eating away at me and it reminds me of something that

happened to my son on Facebook a few years ago. A group of boys sent very

nasty disgusting messages to my son, Colin. Colin didn't know these boys

they targeted him because he had Down Syndrome and he has Alopecia..he looks

different to say the least.

I chose a different approach. I scoped these guys out and found out where

they went to school and what activities they were into. It turned out two

were on their school's football team...at a Christian school. They were

both going to be seniors in high school. I took their messages, and sent a

short note to their parents, their school's principal, and the football

coach explaining that this is how their kids were behaving. Well, needless

to say, it got a lot of attention. The boys wound up having to do some

community service with people with developmental disabilities in order to

maintain their standing on the team and at their school. The boys all

apologized to my and to Colin, but even better they learned something to.

I know you are not in the same position, but I really think that you need to

not let this boy get away with that. Does your school have a Best Buddies

program or something similar? This kid needs to understand that people like

our kids have wonderful abilities and that their feelings are as meaningful

as anyone else's feelings. His rudeness was uncalled for. He needs to know

not to do anything like that again.

Proud mom to Colin Avril, age 19