Re: Question for parents of teens with ds

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry that to hear that you're both having a tough time. My daughter

is also 15 and a freshmen in high school. She talks to herself a lot as

well and seems to have many imaginary friends although she doesn't use

different voices. High school was a really hard adjustment for her and I've

definitely seen an increase in anxiety. My daughter tends to act out when

she's worried about something. She can act out when her aide is sick, for

instance, and become rude to the substitute. Perhaps something is " off " in

your daughter's life but she's not connecting it to her feelings. My

husband had major surgery in September and my daughter did some very

concerning behaviors for about a month as she processed what was happening

to him. I frequently ask if people are nice to her, make sure that no one

is touching her inappropriately, general safety stuff. The other thing that

comes to mind is her social life. Is she feeling connected to the school

community? Does she have friends in school and is she hanging out with

anyone on the weekends? What I've learned is that kids really want friends

in elementary and middle school but they need friends in high school or they

feel like they have no life. Maybe she could host a game night with some

kids from school? Perhaps join any clubs or activities after school?

I feel for you and her and I hope the mental health professional can help

figure it out.

Warmly,

Nadine Briggs

Social Smart Kids

[Guest guest]

Sue I was going to bring up the loss of sue's dad also being a factor.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: Question for parents of teens with ds

I'm so sorry that to hear that you're both having a tough time. My daughter

is also 15 and a freshmen in high school. She talks to herself a lot as

well and seems to have many imaginary friends although she doesn't use

different voices. High school was a really hard adjustment for her and I've

definitely seen an increase in anxiety. My daughter tends to act out when

she's worried about something. She can act out when her aide is sick, for

instance, and become rude to the substitute. Perhaps something is " off " in

your daughter's life but she's not connecting it to her feelings. My

husband had major surgery in September and my daughter did some very

concerning behaviors for about a month as she processed what was happening

to him. I frequently ask if people are nice to her, make sure that no one

is touching her inappropriately, general safety stuff. The other thing that

comes to mind is her social life. Is she feeling connected to the school

community? Does she have friends in school and is she hanging out with

anyone on the weekends? What I've learned is that kids really want friends

in elementary and middle school but they need friends in high school or they

feel like they have no life. Maybe she could host a game night with some

kids from school? Perhaps join any clubs or activities after school?

I feel for you and her and I hope the mental health professional can help

figure it out.

Warmly,

Nadine Briggs

Social Smart Kids

[Guest guest]

Jan, at 39, still has the issues of " self entertainment " and

" self-talk " . When she hikes, she currently prefers to go alone because

she can go at her own pace and sit down on the trail whenever she

wants. She is well known in the community and among the regulars in the

park (including all the rangers). We have a very large park in the

hills across the street from the house. She has a choice of a number of

different trails to take, but a typical hike is between 2.5 and 4 miles.

She is very happy watching movies on DVD or listening to music, often

while doing simple crosswords or word search puzzles or just writing

down the names of all the movies she can fiend (usually from the

newspaper ads.

On the other hand, she is just fine with people. Her current life

skills counselor believes that socialization is an important skill that

people like Jan have deficiencies in. She regular takes three or so

clients (often both Jan and her best friend) out for social

interaction. She gets them to interact and is working on getting them

to spontaneously call each other on the phone and just chat or to get

them to suggest and do the social part of organizing outings. Of all

Jan's counselors over the years, she is the only one who has taken issue

and made it happen.

Back 20 years ago when our kids were teens, the parents organized to

have regular " downs teens parties " in which the kids had a party. It

was a party chaperoned by others than the parents, who would retreat to

a quiet place to talk about many of the issues that we address here

now. Every now and then one of the party goers would come in looking

for a parent for a few words and then go back to the party. The thought

was that our kids have more trouble learning socialization and get less

practice. At almost 40, that is still the case.

On the front of self image and a child feeling that they are a failure,

I believe that it is vital to find something they feel good at and use

that to help self image. We, as parents .. along with the world if

possible, should watch ourselves and try to have good comments and

praise for our kids and not just constant complaint or correction.

Sometimes it seems hard to us because there is so much to work on, but

then we need to back off and work on one or two things and not everything.

Just one parent's thoughts

Rick .. dad to 39 year old Jan