To Serena

October 31, 2005

To Serena,

I look soooo forward to ALL of your posts!

YOU my dear have an insight like no other! Thank you for all you have done and

continue to do!

I am going to PRINT this post and hang it above my computer.

Love ya dear!

Sheila Asleson

minnesota... with a gag order

www.hadd.com

From: SERENA EDWARDS <pushcrash@...>

Subject: Re: positive attitude

I only know you're in the right place here. I can offer some

suggestions, though. I'm having a relatively good day, for me. But I've been

where you are now, and probably will be again before I'm done. Sounds like

you're a member of the lousy genes club like me. No fun. No fun, atall!

First off, you have to call Shoemaker and tell him you can't tolerate

the medication. He can help, but he doesn't have to walk in your shoes,

so you do have to tell him what's up. I recently made the mistake of

delaying in doing that, and paid a heavy price for it. So, don't do the

dumb thing like I did. Before I knew it, the fog had settled in hard and

I couldn't think my way to the telephone. Total cost? 7 weeks of my

life shot. And why? Because I assumed he knows all, sees all, can read my

mind, and probably didn't want to be bothered. Doh! By the time I

finally reacted, it was too late and I was in for the hard ride. Still

recovering, slowly.

Second of all, don't take any bull about it. Even other moldies who

don't have the low MSH problem aren't gonna quite get that part of it.

People will tell you you're depressed, that you're still being exposed,

that you're a slacker - all kinds of silly stuff. Not understanding, they

sometimes try to make it your fault. Don't let it throw you. Your only

job is to continue doing what you know to do, and become as well as you

can given that additional problem. As I understand it, this is also

something we were born with. The mold only made it that much worse, and

here we are today. A trip out for groceries or taking the trash out can

be a pretty good day, for us.

Next, yeah. Stay mad! And also stay in service to others any way you

can think of to do it. It'll keep you going until you catch the next

little breather. I know it looks sometimes like there won't be one. But

there will. It just seems to take about a zillion times longer than we can

stand sometimes.

No, they don't listen. Sometimes, you have to just do the job and say

the words. I try to just think of it as messages in a bottle. You never

know when somebody, at some point down the line, will realize you were

telling them something they need to know.

As frustrating as this thing can be, some of us have talked from time

to time about the feeling of knowing we are in this for a reason. We're

born fighters. I've known I was one all my life. I don't know why it's

that way, but it is. I'm not sure if I believe in fate, but I know I

don't believe in accidents. We don't know why this particular fight was

handed to us. But it walks like a duck and it quacks. And waddya know?

here we are - duckslayers if there ever were any!

Now, if what I just said is true (and I know in my guts that it is),

then you are supposed to be here same as me. Look who was picked for the

job: People who have a clear ability to spot manure from long distances

and call it what it is. People who can and will figure out ways to

fight back, even when they are so weak and sick that regular-issue mortals

really would roll over and die. People who can cowboy (or cowgirl) up,

commit to a job and see it through to its natural conclusion, despite

the long hours and obscenely low pay <G>. People who might not do it for

themselves, but they'd do it for some sick kid they don't even know.

That is, people who are going to do the right thing because that's just

the way they're built. Yup. That's a hero. And we might not get into any

history books this way, but it does require a heroic effort to keep

getting out of bed every day and dealing with it. Hats off, medals all

around.

I knew all this some ways back. And that was before I even knew Doc

Shoemaker titled his book " Mold Warriors " , of all things. That is to say,

I knew I was a fighter, and I knew I was in for the fight of my life.

And I had already noticed that I kept running into these same types of

people around here. So when I learned the title of his book, I laughed

so hard I nearly fell off my chair. (And it's a pretty good thing I

didn't because at that point I doubt I had the strength to get up again.)

And then, of all things, comes Katrina and Rita and the mold plague. I

never even counted on any of that. But we were already here. And we

already knew. So you can frame it any way you like and apply whatever

affiliations and values systems seem to make sense to you, but we are

tasked. Of that, there is no question.

So I don't exactly see the message here as being " Why me? " , so much as,

" Why us? And why now? " . Maybe we don't get to answer that part. But

every one of us is someone who had achieved vital, meaningful goals in our

past lives. We had accomplished things. (Which is, I suppose, another

way of saying we are very accomplished people.: ) And of all the things

that seem to have been taken away from us, this seemed the very worst!

It's very hard for people who are " doers " to settle for just sending

off messages in bottles, not knowing what might ever really be

accomplished that way. So I jumped off into being a strategist - which any or

all

of us can do to suit our own conditions. WHERE can I best put this

message? WHO is most likely to listen to it? WHAT is the best message to be

sending? HOW do I gauge whether what I am doing is having any benefit?

WHEN can I do this? (Because, heaven knows, we can't possibly do

everything for everybody all the time in this rotten condition. We have to

become a sort of ninja mold warriors about it and use our very limited

energy to its very best advantage.)

Very long story short, I'm sorry you're in this shape. I'm sorry I'm

in this shape. But we're gonna make it, even if we don't know how at

every turn. And we're going to accomplish more things, even if we don't

know precisely what just yet. The deal is that I remind you of that when

you're low, and you remind me when I'm low. At least, I think that's

what slacker ninja mold warrior heroine cowgirls are supposed to do when

the chips are down and they have us surrounded. : )

Serena

(Drywall Casserole with Gummint Cheese. It's what's for dinner!)

October 31, 2005

Awwwwww! : )

I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that you are under a gag order because

something good has already happened for you? I go more than a little nuts

sometimes, because I can't tell my whole story yet (legal issues impede me as

well). But when I can, babes, just point the fan at the Powers That Be. It's a

really lousy way to get one's 15 minutes, and I never wanted the 15 minutes in

the first place. Let's put it this way - some of the very so-called " experts "

being quoted all over the place in the news are the very ones who make people

sick and lie about it later. They know they're doing it. They absolutely know.

So hang in, Sheila. Love ya, too. This group probably saved my life, and now it

keeps me strong. I'm glad you're here!

Sheila Asleson <sheilaasleson@...> wrote: