multiples and siblings and bears oh my!

[Guest guest]

This sounds like something out of the Wizard of Oz, although for Dorothy and

Gang it was " Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

They sure did have to work hard to conquer one mishap after another,

and what they finally realized was that they had what it took to conquer even

the worst delimma--a witch who refused to take baths! That would be enough

for anyone!

Sad to hear that OCD was linked to feeling pretty--so much for

advertising--I tend to think that after awhile of hearing mostly negatives,

one would have to think that they are " less than " the standard--beauty,

brains, brawn, etc. However, many people do obsess about their

looks--wrinkles, gray hair, paunch, balding, you name it-- some one will

claim it.

--For those with assorted children--try to be as fair as possible--this does

not mean " treating equally " but it does mean fairly. In other words, I would

not expect a 4-year-old to be able to accomplish the same tasks as a twelve

year old, or even be able to use the same vocabulary. She would need to be

treated differently--and fairly for her age. Obviously having an OCDer in

the house is a study in patience and toleration.

---For Christie on her daughter --she has way too much on her plate and

is trying to keep up with everybody despite some seemingly insurmountable

odds--OCD only being a part. College in and of itself is an incredible

adjustment for most kids. When she also has to worry about money, a mom who

is ill and a dad who has lost his job--anyone would buckle under that

pressure--OCD or not! Perhaps she might just want to take a year off, work,

earn some money, manage the problems at hand, and then go back. She should

notify the school of her delimma and let the counselors guide her. Christie,

please do not feel like a failure--you have given your daughter enough that

she has gone on to college--for that you should be commended--if for nothing

else. Don't sell yourself short. Right now, you are also dealing with your

own losses and your sadness is understandable--especially in light of how you

grew up. Since your daughter is at the end of the term, she might consider

taking " incompletes " with the permission of her instructors--taking several

months off to recoup and then go back to take her finals. I actually did

that when I was a student at UCLA--and it enabled me to complete the courses

when I could think and study.

For Patty: You might want to get your daughter, , some cute fuzzy

slippers with very soft bottoms so that when she stomps, it will be

softly--you might call them " Cinderella slippers--or some such cute name "

Try putting on some nice music in the morning--I really like the soundtrack

from The Prince of Tides---great stuff and very calming. I have suggested

this for some of my patients dealing with intense anger and rage and I find

it to be very successful.

I think I would also be very careful with putting a child with OCD on

a " time limit " as this could induce something else to worry about. When I

know I have to " beat the clock " it makes me more tense and stressed--and I

don't have OCD! Stop timing her every movement in the morning. How about

using the Chip trading method that I have suggested--chips for getting up on

time, dressed, taken breakfast, etc. Break everything down into small and

manageable chunks and then give a chip for each accomplishment--including

making the bed, putting dirty clothes in the basket, -putting on each sock if

need be. Stay with it--and don't give up. By this I mean--it may take

several months or longer until it is established, depending on the

stubbornness of the child. Learn to take deep breaths and give yourself a

" calgon moment. " --or two.

--Kathy--don't worry about staying with your daughter until she falls

asleep--if it works--so what. You can begin to wean her from this by leaving

just a little earlier over several weeks. If you stay for a half hour,

reduce it gradually to 20 minutes, then to 15 minutes, then 10 and 5 and

none. It is always reassuring to know that mom is not far away and so she

can allow her mind to take a break from thinking--how nice. Always be

reassuring and send her to bed in a calm fashion. Play some nice music--by

Vivaldi, Mozart--simulates moms heartbeat in utero and so is very calming.

Also, I like the music from Prince of Tides--it's hard to get cause it's

rather old--but I'm hooked! I look forward to getting into my car so I can

listen to it on the CD. (By the way--I do pretty well with most initials,

however, I am not bashful to admit that I am what I call " Initial

Dysfunctional " and so I need most things to be spelled out--I am fine with

ADHD, OCD, DID, MPD--but please spell out all others for me the first time--I

am a quick learner. I hate to admit it, but it took me forever to get the

difference between VCR and JVC--I am a hopeless case!

--When you child gets on a tangent, I find that the less said is better. If

I respond, it only continues the discussion until it builds to an argument

and then everyone is upset. Just try to listen.

--To Gail--good going gal--it is very important to make time for the " spice

in your life " and take a break. Continue to make dates with your spouse--you

both need to relax so that you can regroup.

Just hang in there and move with the flow.

Looking forward to meeting you all at the Conference on May 8.

--Dr. Barbara Freedman