whadda day

[Guest guest]

Well I took Ava to see Dr. March yesterday to see if she has

trichtillomania. She does, but he said we caught it early enough that

she may be able to stop on her own without seeing a doctor to set up a

cbt type program. Actually, the things he told her to do are all

familiar to me because they are the same techniques used in Recovery,

i.e.., stay away from that first " pull " , avoid situations where pulling

is likely, if you feel the urge do something else with your hands etc.,

until eventually the whole cycle will dissipate and although it may

cross your mind from time to time it won't be so compelling. So she's

supposed to try this for a month and if it doesn't work we'll set up an

apt. with a psychologist. She has seen Reid before for skin

picking, and he was very good, but since this hair pulling is pubic hair

we'll see a woman. Too bad, I liked Reid.

March is a different story. He's a very warm,sweet, kind man, yet

dismissive at the same time. I take Ava there for diagnostic work

because he is supposed to be " the best " . He doesn't follow patients, he

just does the diagnostic part and then recommends others for treatment.

I think that he sees a lot of kids who are quite sick and so it's easy

to say Ava's case is so mild, from a clinical point of view, that it's

no big deal relative to really impaired kids. Whatever the reason, the

last two times she's been there he's been very dismissive of the impact

her OCD/TS has on her life. Now the first time she saw him, when she

was originally diagnosed, SHE was distressed by her OCD - the intrusive

thoughts, the constant frustration and such. But now, with medication,

those symptoms are gone. What's left are the things she either likes or

don't bother her such as counting rituals, walking rituals ( always

start on right foot, breathing pattern, go back and do over if not

right), constant humming or singing, lots of " just so " behavior that

she's mostly oblivious to. Because these things don't bother her, and

because she's basically happy, doing well in school, popular etc., he

says " just forget she has OCD because it's not having an impact on her

life " . My point is that the reason it's not impacting her life so much

is that I do lots of work to support her success. Like creating a 504

plan, like working with her teachers to help them to bring out her best

rather than just see her as " annoying " . And it may not bother her that

she's constantly making noise of some kind, needs to do things in a

certain way regardless of other people's schedule/timetable, requires

constant vigilance on my part to keep her on task: BUT IT BOTHERS

ME!!!! (whew, sorry for " shouting " but I had to vent).

Yesterday after our apt. was a good example of a typical Ava

experience. My preschool is closed for the Holidays but some of us

teachers do childcare for a limited number of kids in order to make

extra money. So I had to work from 3-5:00. There were three 5yr olds

and two 2yr olds. Ava kept wanting to do elaborate art projects that

the 5 yr olds couldn't do and the 2 yr olds would probably eat or

destroy. I had to remind her about 10 times that we were gonna keep it

simple, keep 'em happy and then leave - we could do crafts at home. The

reason I had to keep reminding her was that she was obsessed with the

picture in her head of what she wanted to do. We got out riding toys

and every two minutes she would say " Mom look at this, Mom look at

me " . I just ignore her because otherwise it gets worse, not better.

She would push the kids too fast on the trikes and I'd have to remind

her they were people not toys. When she gets sparked by an idea she

often treats people or animals like objects in her environment and uses

poor judgment.

Next, we went to dinner with my best friend and her 3 yr old, who Ava

considers her sister. Then we went to one of those light shows where

you drive your car through. It was an hour away and the 3 yr old was a

little whiny and Ava got mad so she started to sing backstreet boys

songs.....and wouldn't stop. If she was interrupted she would go back

to the beginning. Since we were carrying on normal conversation and

also trying to appease the 3 yr old, Ava was feeling interrupted quite a

bit and so got louder. I finally told her to stop and she tried to

argue " why can't I sing, gee I'm just singing, there's nothing else to

do, Olivia's being a brat " . I told her she was singing " at " people and

getting too big for an enclosed space and finally, if she didn't stop,

I'd un-invite her friend that she invited over for today. She sulked

but got quiet. Then when we got to the light show the 3 yr old came and

sat in her Mom's lap because Ava said she couldn't see with her car seat

in the way. So now she had the whole back seat to herself but couldn't

get comfortable, nothing felt right. After about 5 minutes of this I

told her that what she was doing was OCD " just right " behavior and to

STOP, or just lay down and close her eyes and be quiet. I told her that

if she wanted to continue the dialogue with OCD about making things just

right do it quietly in her head but that as far as I was concerned her

OCD was an uninvited guest and I would not tolerate him/her/it for one

second longer. I told her to find a way to shut the OCD up and be okay

or she would spend today in her room. She finally got comfortable and

enjoyed the last 10 minutes of the light show and was okay for the rest

of the night and I made her go to bed as soon as we got home.

When I went in to tuck her in she noticed I was stressed out and

wondered why. I told her why. She said " gee mom, I finally got

comfortable, and you were a little annoying too, not letting me sing and

all, but I've let go of it so why can't you? Dr. March said I was doing

fine, and really, no one else is bothered by my OCD so why are you?

This of course is not true but she perceives other people's annoyance as

their problem and I am the only one who talks about her OCD so that must

be MY problem. Thanks, March for reinforcing that idea!

This morning I got up early and thought okay, it's a brand new day. I

went to get the new ornament we bought at the art gallery and hang it on

the tree. Ava was supposed to clean out the car yesterday so it must be

here on the table. Hmm, no ornament. So I look in the car and sure

enough it's still in the bag and on the floor. And it is smashed to

pieces from her stomping around trying to get that " just right " feeling

last night.

So thanks for letting me vent. I really don't know who else would

understand my frustration. Well, my husband and my best friend do but

it's nice to be able to " talk " to people who are also " in the trenches " .

Dana in NC