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re:guilty mom

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I bet everyone on this list has a " guilt " story. I know I have more

than one. Guilt is such an insidious thing! And it so feeds on fear!

I often need help in even identifying that that's what I'm doing,

feeling scared or guilty; people here have helped me see when I'm

beating up on myself.

Now here's my " I can't believe I did that " story that produced tons 'o

guilt:

Ava was 6 and we were doing some craft project and she wanted me to cut

something for her, a gift wrap tube. I kept starting to cut and she

would dart her hand in to stop me " NO! Not there, here! " . After a

zillion times I finally yelled " stop it I'm cutting right

now! " ..............and cut her thumb. I was horrified! She needed 6

stitches. Why was I so impatient, why didn't I tell her to mark it and

then I'd cut it, why didn't I just put it down and walk away, why why

why etc.?

Even now I hate to think about it. But Ava is more resentful that she

can't watch some show she wants to watch. She never got upset with me

for cutting her, not even at the time. She thought the stitches looked

funny (hey mom look, my thumb's having a bad hair day) and kept telling

people that " Fiskar makes the best and sharpest scissors - you should

get some! " .

Wishing you peace and self forgiveness,

Dana in NC

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