Re:OCD and puberty

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting thread. Ava is 12 now and definitely in

puberty. It's so hard to know what's what and as Kathy R. said, when

you ask other parents or try to describe ocd to others, those who don't

live with it dismiss it with an " oh, all kids do that " (avoid certain

things, worry about trivial stuff, don't like certain clothes etc.

etc.). so friends are not always the best source for helping figure this

out.

Some stuff I just KNOW is ocd and even the stuff that isn't is still

sometimes somehow " charged " by it. When I took her to Reid a few

years ago for help with skin picking (he would only work on that one

thing because he never worked with one so young, which is why we didn't

continue with him after she stopped picking) I was shocked to hear all

the stuff she did when they were reviewing her " hierarchy " . It really

made me understand that I only see the tip of the iceberg, esp. because

most of her things are ruminations or mental rituals.

What I took away from that was an understanding that I'd probably never

know all the stuff she does and so when I'm wondering if something is

ocd or not I just ask her or ignore it until it becomes obvious what it

is. Like the leaving the house on time or getting ready for bed on

time: I had NO IDEA it was because she was tweezing hair. I figured it

was probably ocd because behavior management didn't work consistently so

something more compelling than me (and I can be downright COMPELLING:-))

was keeping her from complying.

A lot of times I find out something is probably ocd when I read here

that someone else's child does it. Some of us have eerily similar " baby

stories " about our kids (the clinging, endless crying, have to be the

focus of mommy's attention every second, no one could baby-sit, can't

wear socks, wear same clothes everyday, rituals blah blah blah.......).

Stuff that when you describe to people they say " oh my kids do that "

because they'd have to see this to believe it.........they have no idea.

So I guess for now I just try to manage " the big picture " , i.e.. make

sure our life has structure and predictability, Ava has support at

school to ensure her the opportunity to be successful, I seek good

medical help and try to remember to take care of me as well. When

something affects our daily routines in an adverse way, like we can't

get out of the house because Ava's spending too much time in the

bathroom or the laundry is piling up because she can't wear certain

clothes or she can't eat dinner because this doesn't go with that -

that's when I need to know " is this ocd? " . This actually happens more

with my husband than with Ava. And with him when I realize something is

ocd (like the laundry or food thing) his choice is to go get help or not

but I won't accommodate the ocd or tolerate any b.s. (he does all his

own laundry now:-)).

I feel like I'm kind of " on hold " now where Ava and ocd are concerned,

especially now with the TTM stuff happening. I'm hoping that when we

see this new doctor in a few weeks we'll be able to work with her about

some of this - figuring out the " what's what and if so what then!? " .

I'm rambling now, sorry! It snowed 2 ft last night which is a BIG DEAL

in NC. The govenor called a state of emergency and everything. I love

it. Ava's dad has 4 wheel dr. so I told him to come and get her and I

told her to do everything she wants to over there, see every Austin

Powers movie he has, eat jello, play Nintendo, whatever.............and

then when she comes home I don't want to hear a word about what he's

got. My last words to her were " eat your ice cream while it's on your

plate " and " someday you'll be glad you have a mom who quotes

Wilde " .

Dana in NC