Re: re:finding the right words/endless descriptions

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana--

I had what I describe as an epiphany when it came to this compulsion of

needing to say things perfectly because unknowingly it wreaked such havoc in

my life. One way was that in so doing, I was unknowingly making my husband

feel as though I thought he was a moron. He thought I thought he must be

" stupid " not to " get " what I was trying to say....yet that wasn't the case.

Once I finally learned this was an o/c (the obsession was that I must be

understood. must say things absolutely perfectly so there was no reason for

misinterpetation and the compulsion was saying things, slightly differently

time after time) it was like this giant burden had been lifted from both of

us--the understanding that came about as a result of that was truly amazing.

Now when I do it, a> I recognize it and try my darndest to stop it and b>

when I fail, he reminds me, " Hon, you';re compulsing again...I get it

already! " And then we laught. Amazing what a little awarness can do.

Take good care,

<< I had to laugh when I read that, Patti. My OCD husband used to drive me

nuts with this! With my ADHD I would just tune him out and be thinking

of something else by the time he finally felt he had said whatever in

just the right way. To make matters worse he believed he did this

because if he didn't say things just right I wouldn't listen to him. He

was dead wrong about that (I know him well enough to understand what he

means when he isn't able to express himself articulately, and I'm not

mean) but he was right that I would sometimes not pay attention to him

.............but that's because he was droning on and on and it was

BORING and I'd intend to listen but couldn't.

When we finally got help for our respective disorders (he's on paxil,

I'm on ritalin) we used humor to break this pattern. This is true for

Ava as well. She sometimes gets lost in the details when recounting

somthing. When she was little if someone asked her about a movie - " hey

how was Beauty and the Beast? " - she'd answer with " in a land far

away........... " and want to repeat every word of dialogue, including

singing the songs.

Now the rule in our house is " if ya want mom's attention ya gotta be

interesting! " (and make sure she's taken her meds). This has made Ava

better at public speaking, like oral book reports and such! Now when

she wants to tell me about something she did with friends or a book

she's reading or a movie I say " ok, but make it thrilling " . If she goes

into a tangent that endlessly splits hairs I pretend to sleep and snore

real loud. This makes her laugh and brings her back.

Dana in NC >>

[Guest guest]

< If she goes

into a tangent that endlessly splits hairs I pretend to sleep and snore

real loud. This makes her laugh and brings her back.

Dana in NC >>

Oh I love it! I gotta try this with Mat. He can go on for hours about

Pokemon stuff even after I've told him I'm not interested!

Patti in CA