to chris

[Guest guest]

Hi

Boy we sure learn as we go don't we! And most of what I learn is right

from this list. And most of what I need to learn is to trust my

instincts and judgment.

Dr. March has never been willing to see me or talk to me alone. I've

taken Ava to him 3 times, each for diagnostic purposes since he doesn't

follow patients. Each time I asked to talk to him in private for a few

minutes and he refused.

The doc that Ava's been seeing for med checks (that's all he's willing

to do) saw no reason to meet alone with me either. He said he didn't

want Ava to think we were talking behind her back. I can't believe I

went along with that for so long. Finally I called him and told him

that while Ava was his patient, I was his client. Since I was the one

treating Ava, all he was doing that was helpful was writing his name on

a pad, I was the one who needed his guidance on how to do that. Ava

wasn't concerned with the talking behind his back thing, that was HIS

issue and he needed to get over it. She never expressed an interest in

talking to him alone, she never told him things that I didn't already

know or that once she thought of them there, wasn't willing to tell me

about. If she need a therapist to talk to I'd get her one. I said that

in order for us to continue I needed to be able to consult with him on a

regular basis and we would need to be partners or collaborators in Ava's

treatment. I told him I would no longer discuss Ava in front of Ava

again, since she felt betrayed when I did and I wasn't really able to

speak freely in front of her because of that. If he wasn't available

for that then we'd see another doctor.

He readily agreed to see me or do phone consults with me. It's almost

as if he knew that was the right thing to do all along but now that he

was " caught " he was willing to do the right thing. The more I was able

to consult with him the more I realized why he didn't do it in the first

place. Let's just say he was really good at writing his name on a pad

and less good at other aspects of his profession.

Your suggestions for what to ask a doctor up front are good ones. Since

I'm in the process of getting Ava started with a new doc these are

helpful. The first thing I did was to make an apt to see her alone

first.

Does anyone else have any suggestions about what to ask when I interview

her?

Dana in NC