OCD and girls in puberty

[Guest guest]

Hi Patti R. !

I have to respond to this one! I am a youth and family counselor and the

mom of two teens and one preteen ocd'ers!

My suggestions to you may sound too simple, but worth a try, ok? First of

all, why not ask: Is this an ocd thing? or laugh and say, its ok to be like

this, I was too! Why is it that you change so much?? Maybe the clothes just

arent fitting her, or are too different/same as her friends - ask!!

Adi, my 14 (almost)yo can change her clothes several times a day because

they dont fit right - but when your a size 1 (yes it does exsist) and the

selection is limited, sometimes the clothes really dont look right!! She is

tall, so baggy pants look funny when the waste is drawn in tight, slim pants

are hard to find in her length, and sweaters that actually cover her wrists

and go to her hip are rare - unless they are twice are wide as her body!!

At first when she used to change her clothes a few times a day, I was

concerned, but I asked if she could wear the other clothes on another day -

she said yes, just not today (and she did) - so that's not ocd!! Adi has

contamination issues, btw. so this was very important. As part of her ERP

she has her friends lend her clothing and her goal is to keep them on -

which she can do now - and loves the idea of sharing things!! Adi was on

meds, but through ERP has been off meds for months - and doing very well.

(Her ocd'er father is overwhelmed by this concept and gets very anxious just

hearing about wearing someone elses clothes!)

Today she is lying in my bed, blanket pulled over her head, and trying to

sleep - she is too weepy to go to school she says. I will give her a chance

to cuddle there, then go in and ask her what's really going on - social,

physical,or mental is how I ask!!! Having an open line of communication is

very important.

We also have a 'cuddle bear'. It is a cuddly toy I gave my mother when she

was dying last winter, and this bear is now used when words wont come but

you want to feel secure. I use it when I miss mom, feel overwhelmed or

exhausted. Ziv uses it when she misses me, or my mom, and adi puts it beside

her when she is feeling weepy. After a cuddle, usually we are all able to

talk a bit about what we're feeling. This also helps with communication.

I guess what I'm saying here is: communication with teens is important.

You dont have to be their best friend - in fact, most prefer that you be

their mom/dad and not compete with their friends. Be consistent and carry

through on any promises or threats. And most important, make sure that

they know that you love them unconditionally! All of us tested our limits

with our parents, why should they be different, eh?

Now for sex 101 ..... )

I hope this helps, If you anyone wants to ask specific questions, go ahead!!

wendy in canada

wb4@...

______________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com