(no subject)

[Guest guest]

Robin wrote:

" I personally have family members living here in Hawaii that I cannot share

with. They are just

incapable of supporting us. It makes for a very superficial relationship

but

at present the only type we can seem to maintain. "

Boy, Robin, can I relate to this. My only sibling can't deal with my son's

mental illness and I think would prefer that we live even further away than

we do (I'm in Cleveland, he's in Syracuse). I rarely even talk with him on

the phone because I'm not interested in chit chat when my life is subsumed

by dealing with all my son's issues. (He only wants to hear that things

are fine, and I have a hard time saying everything's hunky dory when my

life is falling apart at the seams.) The sad part is that this keeps my

son and my nephew from visiting even once a year. It's very difficult to

explain to Aiden that his relatives don't want to visit here or have us

come there without making them look bad. I usually just say that they are

" too busy " . As for the holiday letters, I do put in something about

Aiden's struggles, but I am selective in who receives these messages. My

brother simply gets a holiday card with a short message on it. I've

learned over the years that if folks can't deal with it, then I don't have

to worry about maintaining the relationship. I know this sounds harsh, but

I only have a limited amount of energy. If people want to keep in touch,

I'm happy to do that. But I can't expend the time and effort in a

relationship that is one-sided. I'm very pleasant when we meet, but I

can't put my soul into it. I hope you all know what I mean. It's very

hard to articulate. I don't dislike or begrudge these folks. I just have

to put my energy where it helps my family. On the flip side, other friends

have come out to me about problems in their own families and we have grown

closer as a result.

Jule