Coping when relationships go wrong

[Guest guest]

I am a new member. Apologies for wading in with a heavy topic at the

outset but i simply don't know where to turn. My son is 26 and

diagnosed with CML and AML in 2006. STC in May 07. GvHD since sept 07

but coping quite well. Until this week when his fiancee left him and

called off their wedding scheduled for 2nd August. They were together

for 7 years. She was fantastic throughout the early stages of illness

and transplant. He proposed on Christmas eve and she seemed truly

happy to be getting married. then the bombshell. My son is

distraughtas he sees no future at all now where once he had some hope.

I have only come across stories where love has seen couples through

adversity and never ones where one of the couple cannot hack the new

future. Has anyone one else had this happen to them or a loved one?

Is there the possibility of a future for him or is he correct when he

says how bleak it all is? The normal phrases about fish in the sea sre

redundant - he is disabled now. he can't father children and his life

span is truncated. That can't be it though can it? Can it? I'd love

to hear from anyone who can offer a glimmer of a chance.. Many thanks

for your time

[Guest guest]

My son is 26 and

diagnosed with CML and AML in 2006. STC in May 07. GvHD since sept 07

but coping quite well. Until this week when his fiancee left him and

called off their wedding scheduled for 2nd August. They were together

for 7 years. She was fantastic throughout the early stages of illness

and transplant. He proposed on Christmas eve and she seemed truly

happy to be getting married. then the bombshell.

_____________________

Dear Kay?,

Actually, I don't think this is all that unusual. When someone is first

ill, you would not think of leaving them......so often the partner stays

with them through the worst of it, but then feels OK to leave. It may be

hard, but you do need to give her credit for sticking with him through a

lot, when it would have been even more devastating if she left

earlier.....and then maybe she thought she would have to stay with him, but

realized that was not what she wanted. They were not married, so they were

not totally committed to each other........and this relationship started

when your son was very young. She actually did him a favor by realizing her

heart was not in the relationship and leaving before they were married.

I think it will be good for your son to be on his own for awhile, and

adjust to his new life post-transplant and get to accept himself and know

his worth.......and just to meet new friends and get active again. You can

do this through church, interest groups, etc. When he is enjoying life

again.....he will be appealing to someone new, who will know from the start

his history and what he has to deal with, and it won't be a big change in

their relationship. There are counselors who specifically deal with issues

that cancer survivors go through, and maybe doing a little counseling would

be helpful for him. But I am sure that he will end up fine......he survived

a SCT, he will survive this break-up as well.

C.