Re: Depressed and Scared

[Guest guest]

Katy, I have some words of comfort for you. Please email me

privately. I am a Christian also and know that we are not to live

with a " spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. " So

email me and I'll give more of my thoughts privately.

Big hugs,

Vicki

>

> Hi ya'll,

> I havent posted in a few weeks, but right now I just don't know

> where to turn, so I am turning to you. I feel so overwhelmed with

> depression right now. I have felt that way off and on for weeks. I

am

> having an exteme amount of trouble sleeping among other things. I

> don't understand why but I don't want to go to bed at night, this

has

> been going on for several years and I always chalked it up to just

not

> wanting to sleep without Dale (he works midnights) and too I have

> always been kind of a night owl. Which is weird because I get

seasonal

> depression, I NEED sunlight to feel good. Anyway it seems differant

> somehow, I dread it. I wake up several times a night to go to the

> bathroom and always feel okay when I wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 or

> whatever, but when I wake up to get up for the day (here lately)

> around 8:30-9 a.m. I just feel angry, I don't want to be awake

> somehow, I ache all over and I just can't explain it just wierd,

but

> once I get up and moving around for about an hour I feel okay and

for

> the first time in five years I stay awake ALL day, no naps although

> sometimes I do still feel pretty tired by afternoon.

> I am also scared. Several years ago, I think like five, I had

to

> go get a mamagram they found a lump in my left breast, no biggy,

they

> did a lumpectomy and it was benign, BUT, when they were doing the

mam.

> I told the tech that I had found a small knott kind of against the

> chest wall on the right side just above my breast but below my

armpit.

> She said the only way they could do a ultrasound of it was with a

> dr.'s order and so nothing was done and I did'nt really think

about it

> anymore. At the time I worked for an OB?GYN. I also at the same

time

> found a tiny and I do mean tiny black speck at the base of my right

> nipple. I told the quack I worked for about it and he said oh it's

> probably nothing. I took a needle and got the top off to see if it

was

> a black head but you could see it way down under my skin. To this

day

> it is still there. When I was at my Onc. a week ago he started

feeling

> my lymphnodes and said no knotts or lumps? and I remembered the

lump

> under my arm, (actually I had found it again recently) and I told

him

> about it so he found it and I am scheduled for a Mamogram and

> Ultrasound June 16th I think. The knott has gotten a little bigger

> over the last five years and although it was never sore before the

day

> I was in there it was a little tender.

> I don't understand why I am so afraid, I mean come on now I

have

> Leukemia, what could be scarier then that??? Something you can't

cut

> out or make go away?? But I am afraid of this thing under my arm.

> Suddenly I have this gut feeling that I am not going to be around

too

> much longer, it is such a heavy and pervasive feeling that it is

> making me feel sad and panicky. All of a sudden I want to go

camping

> I want to take my kids somewhere special, it's like I don't

believe I

> will have the chance again. I just don't understand.

> On top of everything else my Mom has started talking

constantly

> about how the end is near, Jesus is coming soon. We are near

> tribulation. I was raised Pentecostal and still am, I went to a

> revival about four weeks ago and that is when my sleeping problems

> began. Yes I believe that we are living in the last days, but I am

> also terrified of it, I told my mom PLEASE don't talk to me about

> that, I'm sorry (I didn't want to hurt her feelings) but MOM I

don't

> care HOW saved I am or have been or how much into church I get THAT

> subject has always terrified me, so STOP!

> I'm sorry I know I am rattling on and on, but I just have no

> place else to turn. This is just the tip of the iceberg so to

speak, I

> am obsessed with the past here lately, and missing my babies being

> babies and my Aunt's and Uncle's and Grandma's and Grandpa's who

have

> passed on, I am confused and scared and sad and maybe just

> putting some of it down into words will help me to get thru it.

> Anyway, Thanks

> for listening to me go on about my woa's .

> Hugs,

> aka...Katy

>

[Guest guest]

Depression can cause insomnia. There are various antidepressants available and

I know there are a number of CML patients who take them. I am one. I take

Effexor which is extremely effective and does not interfere with my CML

treatment. There are others, too. Don't be embarrassed to see a therapist who

can prescribe for you.

L

[ ] Depressed and Scared

Hi ya'll,

I havent posted in a few weeks, but right now I just don't know

where to turn, so I am turning to you. I feel so overwhelmed with

depression right now. I have felt that way off and on for weeks. I am

having an exteme amount of trouble sleeping among other things. I

don't understand why but I don't want to go to bed at night, this has

been going on for several years and I always chalked it up to just not

wanting to sleep without Dale (he works midnights) and too I have

always been kind of a night owl. Which is weird because I get seasonal

depression, I NEED sunlight to feel good. Anyway it seems differant

somehow, I dread it. I wake up several times a night to go to the

bathroom and always feel okay when I wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 or

whatever, but when I wake up to get up for the day (here lately)

around 8:30-9 a.m. I just feel angry, I don't want to be awake

somehow, I ache all over and I just can't explain it just wierd, but

once I get up and moving around for about an hour I feel okay and for

the first time in five years I stay awake ALL day, no naps although

sometimes I do still feel pretty tired by afternoon.

I am also scared. Several years ago, I think like five, I had to

go get a mamagram they found a lump in my left breast, no biggy, they

did a lumpectomy and it was benign, BUT, when they were doing the mam.

I told the tech that I had found a small knott kind of against the

chest wall on the right side just above my breast but below my armpit.

She said the only way they could do a ultrasound of it was with a

dr.'s order and so nothing was done and I did'nt really think about it

anymore. At the time I worked for an OB?GYN. I also at the same time

found a tiny and I do mean tiny black speck at the base of my right

nipple. I told the quack I worked for about it and he said oh it's

probably nothing. I took a needle and got the top off to see if it was

a black head but you could see it way down under my skin. To this day

it is still there. When I was at my Onc. a week ago he started feeling

my lymphnodes and said no knotts or lumps? and I remembered the lump

under my arm, (actually I had found it again recently) and I told him

about it so he found it and I am scheduled for a Mamogram and

Ultrasound June 16th I think. The knott has gotten a little bigger

over the last five years and although it was never sore before the day

I was in there it was a little tender.

I don't understand why I am so afraid, I mean come on now I have

Leukemia, what could be scarier then that??? Something you can't cut

out or make go away?? But I am afraid of this thing under my arm.

Suddenly I have this gut feeling that I am not going to be around too

much longer, it is such a heavy and pervasive feeling that it is

making me feel sad and panicky. All of a sudden I want to go camping

I want to take my kids somewhere special, it's like I don't believe I

will have the chance again. I just don't understand.

On top of everything else my Mom has started talking constantly

about how the end is near, Jesus is coming soon. We are near

tribulation. I was raised Pentecostal and still am, I went to a

revival about four weeks ago and that is when my sleeping problems

began. Yes I believe that we are living in the last days, but I am

also terrified of it, I told my mom PLEASE don't talk to me about

that, I'm sorry (I didn't want to hurt her feelings) but MOM I don't

care HOW saved I am or have been or how much into church I get THAT

subject has always terrified me, so STOP!

I'm sorry I know I am rattling on and on, but I just have no

place else to turn. This is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak, I

am obsessed with the past here lately, and missing my babies being

babies and my Aunt's and Uncle's and Grandma's and Grandpa's who have

passed on, I am confused and scared and sad and maybe just

putting some of it down into words will help me to get thru it.

Anyway, Thanks

for listening to me go on about my woa's .

Hugs,

aka...Katy

[Guest guest]

Depression can cause insomnia. There are various antidepressants available

and I know there are a number of CML patients who take them. I am one. I

take Effexor which is extremely effective and does not interfere with my

CML treatment. There are others, too. Don't be embarrassed to see a

therapist who can prescribe for you.

__________________

Hi Katy,

In addition to the suggestion about short term (or longer) use of an

anti-depressant........it also sounds like you are having anxiety attacks.

Insomnia really messes up your brain chemistry. I would try to see a

professional for some help with these issues.

C.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Oh my, been there, done that.

Perhaps you need to go see a counselor (you can call your local

county or ask your onc to refer you)... I saw a very wonderful woman

after my heart surgery. She cried with me after my CML dx and again

with the breast cancer dx. I was so sad when she left our area. But

now my onc's office has two counselors for every patient, so I do

have that resource. Please remember that there is no stigma

associated with depression... almost everyone has it at one time.

I've taken antidepressants for years, being clinically depressed.

I've tried many and I'm currently taking Lexapro, which is working

well for me.

As others have stated, it can cause insomnia and aches and pains.

Good luck with your breast issues... I sincerely hope that everything

works out for you and it is nothing.

Take care,

Zazzy

>

> Hi ya'll,

> I havent posted in a few weeks, but right now I just don't know

> where to turn, so I am turning to you. I feel so overwhelmed with

> depression right now. I have felt that way off and on for weeks. I

am

> having an exteme amount of trouble sleeping among other things. I

> don't understand why but I don't want to go to bed at night, this

has

> been going on for several years and I always chalked it up to just

not

> wanting to sleep without Dale (he works midnights) and too I have

> always been kind of a night owl. Which is weird because I get

seasonal

> depression, I NEED sunlight to feel good. Anyway it seems differant

> somehow, I dread it. I wake up several times a night to go to the

> bathroom and always feel okay when I wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 or

> whatever, but when I wake up to get up for the day (here lately)

> around 8:30-9 a.m. I just feel angry, I don't want to be awake

> somehow, I ache all over and I just can't explain it just wierd, but

> once I get up and moving around for about an hour I feel okay and

for

> the first time in five years I stay awake ALL day, no naps although

> sometimes I do still feel pretty tired by afternoon.

> I am also scared. Several years ago, I think like five, I had to

> go get a mamagram they found a lump in my left breast, no biggy,

they

> did a lumpectomy and it was benign, BUT, when they were doing the

mam.

> I told the tech that I had found a small knott kind of against the

> chest wall on the right side just above my breast but below my

armpit.

> She said the only way they could do a ultrasound of it was with a

> dr.'s order and so nothing was done and I did'nt really think about

it

> anymore. At the time I worked for an OB?GYN. I also at the same time

> found a tiny and I do mean tiny black speck at the base of my right

> nipple. I told the quack I worked for about it and he said oh it's

> probably nothing. I took a needle and got the top off to see if it

was

> a black head but you could see it way down under my skin. To this

day

> it is still there. When I was at my Onc. a week ago he started

feeling

> my lymphnodes and said no knotts or lumps? and I remembered the lump

> under my arm, (actually I had found it again recently) and I told

him

> about it so he found it and I am scheduled for a Mamogram and

> Ultrasound June 16th I think. The knott has gotten a little bigger

> over the last five years and although it was never sore before the

day

> I was in there it was a little tender.

> I don't understand why I am so afraid, I mean come on now I

have

> Leukemia, what could be scarier then that??? Something you can't cut

> out or make go away?? But I am afraid of this thing under my arm.

> Suddenly I have this gut feeling that I am not going to be around

too

> much longer, it is such a heavy and pervasive feeling that it is

> making me feel sad and panicky. All of a sudden I want to go

camping

> I want to take my kids somewhere special, it's like I don't believe

I

> will have the chance again. I just don't understand.

> On top of everything else my Mom has started talking constantly

> about how the end is near, Jesus is coming soon. We are near

> tribulation. I was raised Pentecostal and still am, I went to a

> revival about four weeks ago and that is when my sleeping problems

> began. Yes I believe that we are living in the last days, but I am

> also terrified of it, I told my mom PLEASE don't talk to me about

> that, I'm sorry (I didn't want to hurt her feelings) but MOM I don't

> care HOW saved I am or have been or how much into church I get THAT

> subject has always terrified me, so STOP!

> I'm sorry I know I am rattling on and on, but I just have no

> place else to turn. This is just the tip of the iceberg so to

speak, I

> am obsessed with the past here lately, and missing my babies being

> babies and my Aunt's and Uncle's and Grandma's and Grandpa's who

have

> passed on, I am confused and scared and sad and maybe just

> putting some of it down into words will help me to get thru it.

> Anyway, Thanks

> for listening to me go on about my woa's .

> Hugs,

> aka...Katy

>

[Guest guest]

-I was scared when they told me I had CML and I would sit up all night

wondering how much time I had left and something came across me one

night and I started writing every feeling I was having on paper and it

seemed to help. Then I called my children and grandchildren together

to talk. No one wanted to say the word cancer(mainly me)and one day I

said the dreaded word and it wasn't as hard but I still sit up at

night and cried half the night because I felt I had to be there for

the kids. It dawned on me I was the one with cancer. I got a little

book and started writing everything down and it seemed to help. It's

worth a try. Good luck and God bless.

-- In , " zazzy48 " <chanson@...> wrote:

>

> Hi ,

> Oh my, been there, done that.

>

> Perhaps you need to go see a counselor (you can call your local

> county or ask your onc to refer you)... I saw a very wonderful woman

> after my heart surgery. She cried with me after my CML dx and again

> with the breast cancer dx. I was so sad when she left our area. But

> now my onc's office has two counselors for every patient, so I do

> have that resource. Please remember that there is no stigma

> associated with depression... almost everyone has it at one time.

>

> I've taken antidepressants for years, being clinically depressed.

> I've tried many and I'm currently taking Lexapro, which is working

> well for me.

>

> As others have stated, it can cause insomnia and aches and pains.

>

> Good luck with your breast issues... I sincerely hope that everything

> works out for you and it is nothing.

>

> Take care,

> Zazzy

>

>

> >

> > Hi ya'll,

> > I havent posted in a few weeks, but right now I just don't know

> > where to turn, so I am turning to you. I feel so overwhelmed with

> > depression right now. I have felt that way off and on for weeks. I

> am

> > having an exteme amount of trouble sleeping among other things. I

> > don't understand why but I don't want to go to bed at night, this

> has

> > been going on for several years and I always chalked it up to just

> not

> > wanting to sleep without Dale (he works midnights) and too I have

> > always been kind of a night owl. Which is weird because I get

> seasonal

> > depression, I NEED sunlight to feel good. Anyway it seems differant

> > somehow, I dread it. I wake up several times a night to go to the

> > bathroom and always feel okay when I wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 or

> > whatever, but when I wake up to get up for the day (here lately)

> > around 8:30-9 a.m. I just feel angry, I don't want to be awake

> > somehow, I ache all over and I just can't explain it just wierd, but

> > once I get up and moving around for about an hour I feel okay and

> for

> > the first time in five years I stay awake ALL day, no naps although

> > sometimes I do still feel pretty tired by afternoon.

> > I am also scared. Several years ago, I think like five, I had to

> > go get a mamagram they found a lump in my left breast, no biggy,

> they

> > did a lumpectomy and it was benign, BUT, when they were doing the

> mam.

> > I told the tech that I had found a small knott kind of against the

> > chest wall on the right side just above my breast but below my

> armpit.

> > She said the only way they could do a ultrasound of it was with a

> > dr.'s order and so nothing was done and I did'nt really think about

> it

> > anymore. At the time I worked for an OB?GYN. I also at the same time

> > found a tiny and I do mean tiny black speck at the base of my right

> > nipple. I told the quack I worked for about it and he said oh it's

> > probably nothing. I took a needle and got the top off to see if it

> was

> > a black head but you could see it way down under my skin. To this

> day

> > it is still there. When I was at my Onc. a week ago he started

> feeling

> > my lymphnodes and said no knotts or lumps? and I remembered the lump

> > under my arm, (actually I had found it again recently) and I told

> him

> > about it so he found it and I am scheduled for a Mamogram and

> > Ultrasound June 16th I think. The knott has gotten a little bigger

> > over the last five years and although it was never sore before the

> day

> > I was in there it was a little tender.

> > I don't understand why I am so afraid, I mean come on now I

> have

> > Leukemia, what could be scarier then that??? Something you can't cut

> > out or make go away?? But I am afraid of this thing under my arm.

> > Suddenly I have this gut feeling that I am not going to be around

> too

> > much longer, it is such a heavy and pervasive feeling that it is

> > making me feel sad and panicky. All of a sudden I want to go

> camping

> > I want to take my kids somewhere special, it's like I don't believe

> I

> > will have the chance again. I just don't understand.

> > On top of everything else my Mom has started talking constantly

> > about how the end is near, Jesus is coming soon. We are near

> > tribulation. I was raised Pentecostal and still am, I went to a

> > revival about four weeks ago and that is when my sleeping problems

> > began. Yes I believe that we are living in the last days, but I am

> > also terrified of it, I told my mom PLEASE don't talk to me about

> > that, I'm sorry (I didn't want to hurt her feelings) but MOM I don't

> > care HOW saved I am or have been or how much into church I get THAT

> > subject has always terrified me, so STOP!

> > I'm sorry I know I am rattling on and on, but I just have no

> > place else to turn. This is just the tip of the iceberg so to

> speak, I

> > am obsessed with the past here lately, and missing my babies being

> > babies and my Aunt's and Uncle's and Grandma's and Grandpa's who

> have

> > passed on, I am confused and scared and sad and maybe just

> > putting some of it down into words will help me to get thru it.

> > Anyway, Thanks

> > for listening to me go on about my woa's .

> > Hugs,

> > aka...Katy

> >

>