Re: Depressed and Scared-EVERYONE

[Guest guest]

Dear Group,

Thank you so much for all your replys, care and concern. I really do

appreciate it and I am feeling alot better. Just writing it down to real people

took a load off my mind. I have struggled all my life with the religious stuff,

I was raised Pentecostal, " teethed on a pew " . I love my religion with all my

heart and would not trade it for one thing this world has to offer, although it

has caused me more then one moment of terror....lol.....I have not always lived

up to the standards of the holiness church but I have tried. I just think it was

everything at once. I felt so overwhelmed and I can't and won't talk to my mom

cause she is " dyed in the wool " and all doomsday at times. Dale, God love him,

is the most devoted husband I could wish for, but, he can not handle it when I

talk to him about my fears with CML or about this knott in my breast so I pretty

much keep it to myself. I was always good at hiding stuff from people. about 20

years ago I had a psychiatrist tell me I either was a very good actress or there

was nothing wrong with me. 24 hours later when he was admitting me to a psych

unit for trying to kill myself he informed me I was a very good actress. I spent

most of that next year in one psych unit or another, by the end of the year he

had me on 13 differant medications. I could not carry on a conversation or make

an appearance in public unless my parents were there for me to hold on to and

hide behind. The last three months of his treatment I cried for about 18 hours a

day! If I was awake I was crying. One day I heard my dad say something about

Mind Altering drugs, now for months I couldnt remember anything you said to me

after five minutes, but that stuck with me. My last appointment with the

Psychiatrist was June 3rd of 1997. I told him I wanted my medicine cut in half,

I wanted off of it. He replied ooooh nooo we cant do that. So guess what?? I did

it myself (Of course with the help of God) , I went home grabbed my bootstraps

pulled myself up, stopped taking everyone of those pills and put my mask back

on....and guess what??? I survived! So , since that time I have no faith in

antidepressants or psychiatrists. I did have a councelor that I went to for 17

years and I adored him. He was more then a therapist he was my friend. But he

retired. So now, I deal with it alone. When it becomes to much I explode all

over paper, If and only if that doesnt help I will ask for a antidepressant but

only take it till I feel better then I leave it alone. There is one thing I

learned during that year......NO ONE has the answer but me.....there is NO PILL

that makes everything all better.....and last but not least, If I can just hold

on until the sun comes up, it is a new day and things will be better. And that

works for me. I am not saying by any means that anyone who takes antidepressants

or see's a councelor is wrong, if it works for you then great, I just wanted to

explain myself so that ya'll wouldnt think, well we gave her good advice and she

just doesnt want help, I do and appreciate all of you I really do. But if you

can stand every once in a while for me to get on here and rattle for a bit and

get things off of my chest.....THAT is the best medicine I could recieve. I love

you all and appreciate the private email and the offers of phone calls, you are

very sweet and kind. I hope I have not rattled to long here I just wanted to

explain.

Hugs!

Katy aka.....

_________________________________________________________________

The i’m Talkaton. Can 30-days of conversation change the world?

http://www.imtalkathon.com/?source=EML_WLH_Talkathon_ChangeWorld

[Guest guest]

Rattle on! Thanks for sharing your concerns and for bothering with an

explanation.

RE: [ ] Re: Depressed and Scared-EVERYONE

Dear Group,

Thank you so much for all your replys, care and concern. I really do

appreciate it and I am feeling alot better. Just writing it down to real

people took a load off my mind. I have struggled all my life with the

religious stuff, I was raised Pentecostal, " teethed on a pew " . I love my

religion with all my heart and would not trade it for one thing this world

has to offer, although it has caused me more then one moment of

terror....lol.....I have not always lived up to the standards of the

holiness church but I have tried. I just think it was everything at once. I

felt so overwhelmed and I can't and won't talk to my mom cause she is " dyed

in the wool " and all doomsday at times. Dale, God love him, is the most

devoted husband I could wish for, but, he can not handle it when I talk to

him about my fears with CML or about this knott in my breast so I pretty

much keep it to myself. I was always good at hiding stuff from people. about

20 years ago I had a psychiatrist tell me I either was a very good actress

or there was nothing wrong with me. 24 hours later when he was admitting me

to a psych unit for trying to kill myself he informed me I was a very good

actress. I spent most of that next year in one psych unit or another, by the

end of the year he had me on 13 differant medications. I could not carry on

a conversation or make an appearance in public unless my parents were there

for me to hold on to and hide behind. The last three months of his treatment

I cried for about 18 hours a day! If I was awake I was crying. One day I

heard my dad say something about Mind Altering drugs, now for months I

couldnt remember anything you said to me after five minutes, but that stuck

with me. My last appointment with the Psychiatrist was June 3rd of 1997. I

told him I wanted my medicine cut in half, I wanted off of it. He replied

ooooh nooo we cant do that. So guess what?? I did it myself (Of course with

the help of God) , I went home grabbed my bootstraps pulled myself up,

stopped taking everyone of those pills and put my mask back on....and guess

what??? I survived! So , since that time I have no faith in antidepressants

or psychiatrists. I did have a councelor that I went to for 17 years and I

adored him. He was more then a therapist he was my friend. But he retired.

So now, I deal with it alone. When it becomes to much I explode all over

paper, If and only if that doesnt help I will ask for a antidepressant but

only take it till I feel better then I leave it alone. There is one thing I

learned during that year......NO ONE has the answer but me.....there is NO

PILL that makes everything all better.....and last but not least, If I can

just hold on until the sun comes up, it is a new day and things will be

better. And that works for me. I am not saying by any means that anyone who

takes antidepressants or see's a councelor is wrong, if it works for you

then great, I just wanted to explain myself so that ya'll wouldnt think,

well we gave her good advice and she just doesnt want help, I do and

appreciate all of you I really do. But if you can stand every once in a

while for me to get on here and rattle for a bit and get things off of my

chest.....THAT is the best medicine I could recieve. I love you all and

appreciate the private email and the offers of phone calls, you are very

sweet and kind. I hope I have not rattled to long here I just wanted to

explain.

Hugs!

Katy aka.....

_________________________________________________________________

The i'm Talkaton. Can 30-days of conversation change the world?

http://www.imtalkathon.com/?source=EML_WLH_Talkathon_ChangeWorld

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

We definitely all feel that way sometimes. When I was first

diagnosed I cried everytime I looked at my sons then ages 4 and 1 and

a half. I find myself reflecting upon what I went through at

diagnosis as I near my one year mark with this on July 17. Early on,

Lottie was one of the people who told me, " Get your ass up and live.

You have a better chance of getting hit by a truck than dying of

CML. " Of course, she did not use that language because she is a

Southern Belle and I am a Bronx Brawler. I really like Kris Carr who

wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer and she recently said something on Oprah that

resonated with me. She said, " Life is terminal. " This is so true

and at least we know what we are dealing with. I don't know if my

ramblings helped at all but I can tell you that we were diagnosed

during a good time for CML where they have more of an arsenal against

the disease. My Specialist who is the head of Bone Marrow Transplant

and Clinical Research at Columbia Presbyterian/Cornell told me it is

not unrealistic to expect to have a normal life expectancy on CML. I

don't think he would sugar coat stuff for me so that is good enough

for me right now. It has to be, I have two sons who need me for a

long time and I'll be damned if CML messes with my sons. The fight

is on.

Love,

>

> From: seloew12 <seloew12@...>

> Subject: Re: [ ] Re: Depressed and Scared-EVERYONE

>

> Date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 7:17 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Rattle on! Thanks for sharing your concerns and for bothering with

an

> explanation.

>

>

> RE: [ ] Re: Depressed and Scared-EVERYONE

>

> Dear Group,

> Thank you so much for all your replys, care and concern. I really

do

> appreciate it and I am feeling alot better. Just writing it down to

real

> people took a load off my mind. I have struggled all my life with

the

> religious stuff, I was raised Pentecostal, " teethed on a pew " . I

love my

> religion with all my heart and would not trade it for one thing

this world

> has to offer, although it has caused me more then one moment of

> terror....lol. ....I have not always lived up to the standards of

the

> holiness church but I have tried. I just think it was everything at

once. I

> felt so overwhelmed and I can't and won't talk to my mom cause she

is " dyed

> in the wool " and all doomsday at times. Dale, God love him, is the

most

> devoted husband I could wish for, but, he can not handle it when I

talk to

> him about my fears with CML or about this knott in my breast so I

pretty

> much keep it to myself. I was always good at hiding stuff from

people. about

> 20 years ago I had a psychiatrist tell me I either was a very good

actress

> or there was nothing wrong with me. 24 hours later when he was

admitting me

> to a psych unit for trying to kill myself he informed me I was a

very good

> actress. I spent most of that next year in one psych unit or

another, by the

> end of the year he had me on 13 differant medications. I could not

carry on

> a conversation or make an appearance in public unless my parents

were there

> for me to hold on to and hide behind. The last three months of his

treatment

> I cried for about 18 hours a day! If I was awake I was crying. One

day I

> heard my dad say something about Mind Altering drugs, now for

months I

> couldnt remember anything you said to me after five minutes, but

that stuck

> with me. My last appointment with the Psychiatrist was June 3rd of

1997. I

> told him I wanted my medicine cut in half, I wanted off of it. He

replied

> ooooh nooo we cant do that. So guess what?? I did it myself (Of

course with

> the help of God) , I went home grabbed my bootstraps pulled myself

up,

> stopped taking everyone of those pills and put my mask back

on....and guess

> what??? I survived! So , since that time I have no faith in

antidepressants

> or psychiatrists. I did have a councelor that I went to for 17

years and I

> adored him. He was more then a therapist he was my friend. But he

retired.

> So now, I deal with it alone. When it becomes to much I explode all

over

> paper, If and only if that doesnt help I will ask for a

antidepressant but

> only take it till I feel better then I leave it alone. There is one

thing I

> learned during that year......NO ONE has the answer but

me.....there is NO

> PILL that makes everything all better.....and last but not least,

If I can

> just hold on until the sun comes up, it is a new day and things

will be

> better. And that works for me. I am not saying by any means that

anyone who

> takes antidepressants or see's a councelor is wrong, if it works

for you

> then great, I just wanted to explain myself so that ya'll wouldnt

think,

> well we gave her good advice and she just doesnt want help, I do

and

> appreciate all of you I really do. But if you can stand every once

in a

> while for me to get on here and rattle for a bit and get things off

of my

> chest.....THAT is the best medicine I could recieve. I love you all

and

> appreciate the private email and the offers of phone calls, you are

very

> sweet and kind. I hope I have not rattled to long here I just

wanted to

> explain.

>

> Hugs!

> Katy aka.....

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> The i'm Talkaton. Can 30-days of conversation change the world?

> http://www.imtalkat hon.com/? source=EML_ WLH_Talkathon_ ChangeWorld

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

What a time you have had over the past few years.

What was really evident from your story is that you are much loved by your

parents and family

who are there to support you in the past as in the present.

Remember though to take your CML medication and do not throw that out with the

dish water

of all your other medications.

When first diagnosed CML can be a little daunting - it is the fear itself but

only of the unknown.

My suggestion is to keep all your CML medical appointments, take your

medication, do something

for yourself, your family and do something for your community. Nothing like

volunteering to take

matters away from yourself.

Perhaps the most important aspect of CML is not only can you have a nice life

with CML but

you meet a further family of people (such as this group) who will support you.

So Laurna get out there and enjoy.

You can unload anytime you wish.

Keep in good spirits, eat well and in good health

Cheers

Aussie Sue