Spousal Issue

[Guest guest]

I don't often post, but read the majority of post, or at least the subject

threads of interest. This one grabbed me, thought I might chime in from a

male perspective. Yea, I like living on the edge! haha I worried about the

same issue when I became sick and the CML diagnosis came out. I still will

never forget the ER Dr and those words, my wife must have said " what " 20 times.

In my case it was not just the CML, I had so many other issues going on, that

the CML had created. Anyhow, Tab has been great and never blinked, I think

the only things that have been an issue is not the CML itself, but how it

changed me and how I acted for a short time.

I would venture to guess this fellow that left your friend is using the

cancer as an excuse to leave. I would venture to guess he has more on his mind

than the CML. If I am wrong and it truly is a matter of not wanting to see

her deal with the CML, then he is pretty spineless!! Truly loving and being

devoted to someone means what you promised in your wedding vowels. He might

want to review those.

Tab told me there is no way she could ever leave me over something like the

CML. She reminded me how I stood be her side in 2000 with her cervical

cancer and subsequent surgery, that changed all our plans for a large family

and

what our previous dreams had been. We went on from there, build new dreams

with our one son. I maybe prejudging him a little, but loving my wife the way

I do, I could not imagine not being with her just because our plans changed

due to her illness anymore than she would have left due to my mine. And, our

life together is way different. We had some pretty big dreams that now are

much different for a variety of reasons. While they are different, the one

dream of growing old with her still stands!!

I also say this with a broad background of other situations. One week after

my diagnosis, a close friend was also diagnosed, she did not make it 90

days. Her husband stayed right on with her to the end. My wife has been in

Palm

Beach the last 6 weeks tending her mom battling stage 4 lung cancer. Her

dad, if anything has become even closer to her mom. This cancer business is

not pleasant, not fun, and takes a tough person to stay focused on their loved

one, but when you truly love someone, the cancer will make you stretch that

love and devotion to lengths you did not know were ever there, if you are in

love and truly devoted in the first place. While Tab's and my relationship is

far from perfect, it is now stronger than ever, the one good side effect of

all this.

Just my .02, well, this may be a whole dollars worth! =)

Cheers,

Chris

**************Play online games for FREE at Games.com! All of your favorites,

no registration required and great graphics – check it out!

(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1211202682x1200689022/aol?redir=

http://www.games.com?ncid=emlcntusgame00000001)

[Guest guest]

Not a good man!!! Not strong enough to take it I guess.

I am sure it happens more then we know.

That is why I thank God everyday for my Denny!!!

She will need her family and friends more then ever at this time.

Do they have any children???

Aloha Sharon

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lusty

Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 10:15 AM

Subject: [ ] Spousal issue

Hello,

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last year. She has

fought a brave fight and is winning. Earlier this week her husband of

20 years told her he was leaving her. Said he couldn't handle the

responsibility. Has anyone else had this happen to them and is it a

common occurance? I feel so sorry for her, she seems absolutely

terrified and lost. I don't know what to say to her.

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Lusty

[Guest guest]

I'd like to find that guy, jump on him and beat his brains out. I don't blame

him ONE BIT for feeling overwhelmed and at a loss. That's an excellent reason to

seek out others who have grappled with those very feelings among others. But to

take off is inexcusable. Geez, my heart goes out to her.

I STRONGLY suggest if she hasn't already done so to get connected with a support

group and to really lean on friends. They want to help, so often they are just

waiting to be asked. That has been my experience.

A serious illness can really strain a family. My marriage fell apart when my son

became ill during his teens. Today we are all fine, largely because I have done

now what I should have done then -- built up a support network. A good support

network is like a trampoline -- it gives and flexes with every blow and keeps

you from crashing!

From: lustylady_can@...

Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2008 17:14:36 +0000

Subject: [ ] Spousal issue

Hello,

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last year. She has

fought a brave fight and is winning. Earlier this week her husband of

20 years told her he was leaving her. Said he couldn't handle the

responsibility. Has anyone else had this happen to them and is it a

common occurance? I feel so sorry for her, she seems absolutely

terrified and lost. I don't know what to say to her.

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Lusty

_________________________________________________________________

Store, manage and share up to 5GB with Windows Live SkyDrive.

http://skydrive.live.com/welcome.aspx?provision=1?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_skydrive_102\

008

[Guest guest]

When I was diagnosed Aug 2007, we were already headed toward divorce. Some

would say we have been for quite a while. I left on Sept. 28th, the day I

started Gleevec, got my own apartment around Oct. 15th 2007. I moved back in

with hubby on Nov. 20th. I think the immediate stress, as well as our

history was just too much. We are better now, though honestly, I think we

sometimes both wonder why we got back together.

At the time of the breakup, all I wanted was someone to go out to lunch

with, someone to call me and ask how the medicine was doing, or to treat me

" normal " for a little while. As a friend, no a cancer patient or a woman who

just got dumped. Back at the empty apartment it was quiet without the kids

around. But, I found ME while I was gone. The woman who liked to do crafty

things and found that I was capable of a lot more than I even I thought I

was. " Stay strong. You can do this. " were things people liked to say to me.

And I think although it upset me... it helped me to believe that I could do

this.

I don't think there is any one thing that you can say, but listen.

Good luck,

Tammy

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lusty

Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 1:15 PM

Subject: [ ] Spousal issue

Hello,

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last year. She has

fought a brave fight and is winning. Earlier this week her husband of

20 years told her he was leaving her. Said he couldn't handle the

responsibility. Has anyone else had this happen to them and is it a

common occurance? I feel so sorry for her, she seems absolutely

terrified and lost. I don't know what to say to her.

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Lusty

[Guest guest]

Hi Penny,

It does happen. In most cases it is just an excuse to get out of the

marriage. A pretty callous step to take at this point in time.

Give her your love and understanding. Take her out to a movie, coffee, etc.

Zavie

Zavie (age 70)

67 Shoreham Avenue

Ottawa, Canada, K2G 3X3

dxd AUG/99

INF OCT/99 to FEB/00, CHF

No meds FEB/00 to JAN/01

Gleevec since MAR/27/01 (400 mg)

CCR SEP/01. #102 in Zero Club

2.8 log reduction Sep/05

3.0 log reduction Jan/06

2.9 log reduction Feb/07

3.6 log reduction Apr/08

3.6 log reduction Sep/08

e-mail: zmiller@...

Tel: 613-726-1117

Fax: 309-296-0807

Cell: 613-282-0204

ID: zaviem

YM: zaviemiller

Skype: Zavie

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lusty

Sent: October 25, 2008 1:15 PM

Subject: [ ] Spousal issue

Hello,

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last year. She has

fought a brave fight and is winning. Earlier this week her husband of

20 years told her he was leaving her. Said he couldn't handle the

responsibility. Has anyone else had this happen to them and is it a

common occurance? I feel so sorry for her, she seems absolutely

terrified and lost. I don't know what to say to her.

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Lusty

[Guest guest]

Lusty, I hope your friend's husband comes to his senses. For the majority of us

we have had (and continue to have) such wonderful support from our spouses. How

someone could be so weak is so unfair. We all felt overwhelmed at the beginning

of our CML journeys but once calm prevails and we have a good understanding of

the disease and our treatment, things settle down. Some of our spouses have

medical issues as well and we sure wouldn't consider " dumping " them.

I hope things work out for the best for your friend.

Hugs,

Judy P.

__________________________________________________________________

Instant Messaging, free SMS, sharing photos and more... Try the new

Canada Messenger at http://ca.beta.messenger./

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for the input. I appreciate it. I was thinking maybe I

was judging the guy too harshly because I think it's a damn spineless

thing to do to her. She had to have one breast removed and she feels

bad enough about that without that jerk making her feel even lower. I

will be there for her as much as I can, she has no children and no

family up here where we live. I met her in June during the walk of

lights cancer fund raiser. We have little resources for support groups

there is only 1 here but I have given her the phone number to the

Cancer Society peer to peer support. Maybe she will be able to find

another supporter there as well.

As for me the clinical trial at PMH for the HHT is going well so far.My

Blood work shows I am still in hematologic remission. I am much better

than I was at this time last year. I am having a BMB done on Thursday

so after the results get back we will know just how effective it is in

the bone marrow.

Again thank you all for your help with the lady's issue.

Lusty/Penny