RE: Confusion, /Bobby, Tammy,Rhonda, Zavie ..EVERYBODY

[Guest guest]

Bobby,

No maam you have not overstepped your bounds! My daughter is a " special "

case, kinda hard to understand unless you were around everyday and saw what I go

thru just with her alone. I love her dearly but she has never been an " easy "

child.....lol.......you took the words right out of my mouth!....When she told

me and got upset because I was not jumping with joy all I could say was YOUR

SIXTEEN! When she said why isnt anyone else happy I said YOUR SIXTEEN! That was

my only answer for her for several weeks. She doesnt seem to understand, I

(having been a single mom for about six years) absolutely know what lays in

store, especially since she is so young. I was a single mom BUT I was 30 when it

started! Anyway........I want to say to everyone that has replied......YOU GUYS

MUST HAVE BEEN FLIES ON THE WALL!!!!!.....lol.......you all repeated pretty much

word for word what my doc said t me today. Needless to say I took my sprycel

tonight. I really was more clueless then I thought, I thought my white count was

the one of the big things to watch .......oh so wrong......My onc. kindly but

firmly chided me and made me realize my mistake. I seem to kinda have a problem.

My first husband was abusive both mentally and physically, I was in counceling

for a long time but I could not say I was being " abused " , my therapist

asked me why, I said, I don't have a broken jaw, or black eyes, I have not been

as badly abused as most of the women I hear about therefore I feel I have no

right to call myself abused......he told me, abuse is abuse however mild or

severe ( I was somewhere in the middle) and you have every right to say you are

being abused. It is kind of strange to think I guess I thought I was not worthy

of anyones attention and did not want to take attention away from someone who

might be worse off then me. Today when I was talking to my doc, I started

crying, and I heard the words come out, but I don't feel like my Leukemia is as

bad as others, I belong to a group online and I read what they write, they have

white counts in the 100's of 1000's and mutations and ....and....he looked me

dead in the eye and said, YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA, you have not progressed to a worse

phase BECAUSE of your medications. Once again I don't feel worthy of worry or I

feel like I am making more out of what I have then it is, or at least I am

afraid people around me think that. Anyway to make a book a letter.....(smile) I

realize that it is not the CBC that is as important as the BCR/AB (I never can

remember those intials....lol) which by the way he drew today, and that my meds

are keeping me alive. I get those results in a week to ten days and will let

ya'll know what they are. I just want to say thank you, you guys are always

there when I flip out and need to rattle and I greatly appreciate it!

Hugs,

Katy

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