New to egroups

[Guest guest]

Hi Lana, welcome to the group. My son has OCD and has had it for years, but

he was just diagnosed this last spring. My husband delegates the doctor

appts, therapy, medication, etc. to me too. He is different than me. I like

to learn as much as I can about OCD, and I joined this group. He seems ok

with just hearing how the doctor appts go and the info I pass on to him

about OCD. Maybe that is a man's way of handling this, like peachgarden

said. Fortunately, my husband does believe my son is ill with OCD and knows

it is not anyone's fault. We try to cut out as much as stress as possible

for son and our family. My son talks to me and the doctors about his ocd. I

don't think he talks to anyone else about it. He told 2 friends what he has

because they kept asking him if he was ok, but I don't think he talks about

it any more than that one time.

I have read that one in fifty people have ocd. Your child is not alone!

You, as a parent of a child with ocd, are not alone either! It is a huge

relief and source of comfort to be a part of this group for me. I just

joined a few days ago. Thank you everyone in this group!

Best wishes,

>From: " Lana " <ocdkids@...>

>Reply-egroups

>egroups

>Subject: New to egroups

>Date: Sat, 07 Oct 2000 13:54:28 -0000

>

>Hello! I am new to egroups. My husband and I are in our 30's, we have

>3 children (7-5-2). Our oldest son has OCD, from what we have learned

>aboout this disorder and his symptoms, he has shown signs since

>atleast age one. We have recently been diagnosed and I think we are

>still in a shock-grieving phase (if that makes sense). Our plan of

>treatment is Zoloft~ CBT~ Psychiatrists visits~and a school offered

>stress mgmt group. My son has made me his outlet, I am the one he

>tells worries and fears too, he cries to me and I get the brunt of

>his anger. He is also in a depression which I think goes along with

>ocd. He is open to treatment and wants these thoughts to go away.

>We are keeping things quiet-he does not know the " ocd " name.

>I am having trouble handling my emotions-I know awhole new side of

>patience surfaced in me and I try to handle situations the best I

>can. He does not want his brothers knowing anything. And I know we

>are sending mixed signals about discipline. This is confusing and

>stressful!

>I'm learning all I can about ocd and treatments. My husband is

>letting me do all the work. He listens to me but doesnt want to learn

>on his own. He is having a harder time accepting the OCD. I'm having

>a hard time waiting for him to come around.

>

>Thanks for listening!

>Lana

>

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[Guest guest]

Oh, I forgot to say my son is 18. I am 39 (soon to be 40) and have another

son without ocd who is 16.

>From: " Lana " <ocdkids@...>

>Reply-egroups

>egroups

>Subject: New to egroups

>Date: Sat, 07 Oct 2000 13:54:28 -0000

>

>Hello! I am new to egroups. My husband and I are in our 30's, we have

>3 children (7-5-2). Our oldest son has OCD, from what we have learned

>aboout this disorder and his symptoms, he has shown signs since

>atleast age one. We have recently been diagnosed and I think we are

>still in a shock-grieving phase (if that makes sense). Our plan of

>treatment is Zoloft~ CBT~ Psychiatrists visits~and a school offered

>stress mgmt group. My son has made me his outlet, I am the one he

>tells worries and fears too, he cries to me and I get the brunt of

>his anger. He is also in a depression which I think goes along with

>ocd. He is open to treatment and wants these thoughts to go away.

>We are keeping things quiet-he does not know the " ocd " name.

>I am having trouble handling my emotions-I know awhole new side of

>patience surfaced in me and I try to handle situations the best I

>can. He does not want his brothers knowing anything. And I know we

>are sending mixed signals about discipline. This is confusing and

>stressful!

>I'm learning all I can about ocd and treatments. My husband is

>letting me do all the work. He listens to me but doesnt want to learn

>on his own. He is having a harder time accepting the OCD. I'm having

>a hard time waiting for him to come around.

>

>Thanks for listening!

>Lana

>

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[Guest guest]

Hello Lana,

My heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it is first finding out about

a child's disorder. Mine is 16 and was just diagnosed 9 month ago but I

believe he has been ocd since he was a toddler . Be grateful that you

recognized it this early. I didn't. Also be grateful that he is coming to you

with his fears, anger and crying. Mine doen " t. Just with the anger. My

husband also has me do all the work investigating our concerns with our son.

Maybe its a male ego thing. They deny it somewhat.

best wishes, Marsha

[Guest guest]

Hi Lana, Welcome!

I certainly have gone through my WHY? stages!! All 3 of our kids have

ocd and depression. It is devastating to learn that your child is not going

to have an easy life. Mourn away - we all do! Your child has a chronic

illness and your life is about to change! With therapy, and perhaps

medication, things will improve for everyone. really!

About the dad's: my husband and his mother also have ocd. He was in

denial for years: he was difficult and stubborn and only when the kids were

on the mend did he realize just how sick he himself had become. This at

first was a huge obstacle, but we have been able to turn this around with

lots of humour and the kids exposing their dad to the things that cause him

anxiety - which of course are irrational - like tom not wearing orange

overalls since his last pair brought him bad luck!!!

Some of the list members, me included, forward posts to their partners

that connected to issues that are happening at home. At first he ignored

them, but one day he came and asked me about something. This was the turning

point for us.

There are dads on the list too, btw!! )

Dealing with your emotions is so hard. I seriously suggest that you find

yourself a counsellor who is familiar with ocd. This has helped so many of

us! kathyH is famous for saying: " better living through pharmaceuticals " !

Anti-D's have helped many of us cope more efficiently with the multi issues.

They can help with sleep, appetite, the overwhelmed feeling, etc. The most

recent informal pole taken (was it only 2 weeks ago?) I think concluded that

80% of us are on some form of prescription medication - it could be higher

since we didnt hear anything from the med-free group!

Taking care of yourself is one of hte most important things you can do

for your son. If you collapse, everything else follows. Try and find a

regular time just for you - be it reading, going out for coffee, going for a

walk, any hobby.... You must keep your identity as a person, a wife and a

mom to the other kids.

When you have the time, read through the many articles from our website.

They are an amazing wealth of information.

wendy in canada

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[Guest guest]

Lana,

I think that often mothers are the nurturers in the family and

children tend to come to them more frequently for emotional support

and to fathers for security and protection. Both of my daughters

(one OCD, one not) tend to come to me first for emotional support.

However, I would agree with Peachgarden, that this tends to stop

during the teen years. My 15 yo OCDer began to withdraw from us

about the time she realized she had OCD (age 12). However, we did

not know about the OCD until recently. We handled many things

incorrectly during those years. We thought she was just going

through normal adolescence.

We are just now (after 8 months) of therapy beginning to be able to

discuss the OCD with her. While she has allowed her 17 yo sister to

know the diagnosis, she has shared very little with her about OCDs

affects on her. She is also gets very upset if she thinks we are

discussing it with anyone else. We have been able to talk to our 17

yo about the need to make allowances for her sister as she begins to

work on her issues. We have assured her that we are encouraging her

sister to face her disease and to work to get better. But she has to

allow her the freedom to do it on her own timeframe.

Your situation is much more difficult, in that you can't expect young

children to understand this type of " inequity " . In addition, if you

give them information about the OCD, they may share it with others

inappropriately causing your son much more anxiety, anger and

stress. Perhaps, until they are older, you could explain to them

that each child in a family has their own strengths and weaknesses

and that you need to help each child to develop their weaknesses into

strengths. Then when there is a situation that seems unfair, you can

explain that this is an area of weakness for your son and you are

working with him, as he is able, to deal with his weakness. Let them

know that you will do the same when they are struggling.

For example, our non-OCD daughter, is very strong-willed and has a

problem with anger. We have worked with her over the years, but have

had to allow her to improve slowly, not all at once. This type of

patience is what we as parents give to our children, who are, after

all, just children.

My husband fits the same pattern as the rest. He is willing to

listen to me when I tell him what I've learned. And he does see the

OCD for what it is. But he leaves much of the medication,

appointments, etc. to me. However, recently we agreed to try as much

as possible to have all three of us attend all appointments. There

were a couple of reasons. First, I sometimes got too stressed by

trying to handle some of the toughter times alone. Second, we want

our daughter to know that both of her parents are able to be

resources for her as she faces this. If I'm not available, I want

her to be able to talk with her father and be sure that he is up to

speed on everything.

As a final note, I've been reading the book Brain Lock. I've decided

that I will write short summaries for both my husband and my daughter

(if she choses) to read. This allows them to get more information on

the disease without having to do all the research themselves. I

think that the more you learn about the affects of this disease and

can help your husband to learn, the more he will be able to become a

support. With small children, I am sure that you have limited time

to research and summarize for your husband. If you would like, I'd

be glad to send my summaries to you as well. (I just won't guarantee

how fast I'll get them done.)

You may also need to give your husband time. People come to

acceptance in different ways and on different timeframes. Often at

first you need to be angry and then grieve. It takes some people a

while to come to the point of acceptance. Keep posting to this

group. The only person you can totally take care of is yourself.

And your son needs to have you strong to help him. Hang in there!

Gwen in Oregon

> Hello! I am new to egroups. My husband and I are in our 30's, we

have

> 3 children (7-5-2). Our oldest son has OCD, from what we have

learned

> aboout this disorder and his symptoms, he has shown signs since

> atleast age one. We have recently been diagnosed and I think we are

> still in a shock-grieving phase (if that makes sense). Our plan of

> treatment is Zoloft~ CBT~ Psychiatrists visits~and a school offered

> stress mgmt group. My son has made me his outlet, I am the one he

> tells worries and fears too, he cries to me and I get the brunt of

> his anger. He is also in a depression which I think goes along with

> ocd. He is open to treatment and wants these thoughts to go away.

> We are keeping things quiet-he does not know the " ocd " name.

> I am having trouble handling my emotions-I know awhole new side of

> patience surfaced in me and I try to handle situations the best I

> can. He does not want his brothers knowing anything. And I know we

> are sending mixed signals about discipline. This is confusing and

> stressful!

> I'm learning all I can about ocd and treatments. My husband is

> letting me do all the work. He listens to me but doesnt want to

learn

> on his own. He is having a harder time accepting the OCD. I'm

having

> a hard time waiting for him to come around.

>

> Thanks for listening!

> Lana

[Guest guest]

Hi Lana:

Thanks for posting about yourself and your family and how you are living

with OCD. You are so right, we do have to process the shock and grieving

and it takes quite a bit of hard work.

What you describe sounds all too typical of the path we all travel when

dealing with OCD. ALthough it might feel unbearable at times I would like

to encourage you that it gets a whole lot better. YOu have done very well

to identify your son's OCD at such a young age and to find him good

treatment. This will help

you turn things around and get your lives back.

Adjusting to OCD takes time and everyone has a different time line. This

can be frustrating but once I understood this, I was able to be more

patient. The NAMI program, " Family to Family " or " The Journey of Hope "

explains the emotional cycle of dealing with mental illness and taking this

class taught me a lot.

Good luck, take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 01:54 PM 10/07/2000 -0000, you wrote:

>Hello! I am new to egroups. My husband and I are in our 30's, we have

>3 children (7-5-2). Our oldest son has OCD, from what we have learned

>aboout this disorder and his symptoms, he has shown signs since

>atleast age one. We have recently been diagnosed and I think we are

>still in a shock-grieving phase (if that makes sense). Our plan of

>treatment is Zoloft~ CBT~ Psychiatrists visits~and a school offered

>stress mgmt group. My son has made me his outlet, I am the one he

>tells worries and fears too, he cries to me and I get the brunt of

>his anger. He is also in a depression which I think goes along with

>ocd. He is open to treatment and wants these thoughts to go away.

>We are keeping things quiet-he does not know the " ocd " name.

>I am having trouble handling my emotions-I know awhole new side of

>patience surfaced in me and I try to handle situations the best I

>can. He does not want his brothers knowing anything. And I know we

>are sending mixed signals about discipline. This is confusing and

>stressful!

>I'm learning all I can about ocd and treatments. My husband is

>letting me do all the work. He listens to me but doesnt want to learn

>on his own. He is having a harder time accepting the OCD. I'm having

>a hard time waiting for him to come around.

>

>Thanks for listening!

>Lana

[Guest guest]

Hello Lana,

Welcome to the group. Hang in there--things can and do get better with time

and the right treatment, although it may take a while. Getting through the

initial phases of diagnosis and acceptance of OCD is incredibly difficult,

but you will find that you have more courage and endurance than you ever

imagined. I will echo what others have said--take care of yourself, more

than anything right now. After all, your child and family are going to need

you in a big way, (your son is already using you as his safe place to vent)

and if you are too drained, you won't be able to give them the strength they

need, and it starts to go downhill from there.

Try to find a therapist who knows how to do CBT for OCD with kids--this can

make a big difference in your lives. You noted that you have not mentioned

the " OCD word " to your son---it may actually make him feel a lot better and

less frustrated if he knows there's a name for it, that it's not his fault,

and he's not crazy. I would suggest talking to your psychiatrist or

therapist about the best way to tell him. Kids do understand and conquer

OCD if they are given the right tools.

Take care,

Aureen

[Guest guest]

Hi. Welcome to the list. I am sorry to say I only know a tiny bit of

Spanish. My son is 18 and has OCD and other illnesses. He was just diagnosed

with OCD this last summer. My son will count numbers if he hears a small

number. If he hears a small number like 3, he will say in his head, 1 , 2 ,

3. If he hears a number, he will also spell it in his head. If he sees

someone and says hello, he will spell their names in his head before he says

the name. If he hears an acronym, he will say the words in his head. You and

your daughter are not alone!

>From: " sonia cortes " <scortes@...>

>Reply-egroups

><egroups>

>Subject: New to egroups

>Date: Mon, 9 Oct 2000 23:35:07 -0300

>

>Hi:

>I am from Chile and my english isn't good,but I read all yours messages and

>it help me very much. My daughter 15 yo was OCD's diagnoses 2 years ago.

>She

>is actually treated with Venlafaxine Retard 75 mg and ac. valproico 250 mg.

>Her principals Cs are washing and anybody or anything touch her.

>The washing , cleaning and ordering her clothes and her room rituals last

>approximately 7 hours. She uses 1 liter of shampoo a day and something less

>than soap ( doesn't mention electricity, gas and water). She goes at school

>and she goes to bed at 3 AM and she gets up 7 AM. Of course this doesn't

>allow her to concentrate on classes and their yield is quite bad. In my

>country don't exist help's programs neither laws that protect the

>individuals with these disorder, so she has to adapt to the common

>scholars system

>I wanted to know if some of their OCD's children has similar symptoms and

>you can seek advice something new.

>Thank you for the received support

>Does somebody speak Spanish?

>Luck

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi :

Sorry but I don't speak Spanish. You can get some OCD publications in

Spanish from the OC Foundation (http://www.ocfoundation.org).

I am also taking Venlafaxine Retard 75 mg for my generalized anxiety

disorder (GAD). Here it is called Effexor XR. 75 mg is probably a too low

dosage for OCD. You might want to discuss this with your daughter's

psychiatrist. Valproico is called Depakote here and is a mood stabilizer.

My son, Steve, now 13, has been a washer and suffers from contamination

OCD. The best thing for him has been learning cognitive behavior therapy

(CBT) with exposure and response prevention (E & RP). YOu might be able to

find someone in the clinical psychology department of your nearest

university who knows or is interested in learning these techniques. You

will be looking for a psychologist with a behavioral orientation.

Washing compulsions are very responsive to E & RP treatment. I hope we have

someone on this list who is good at speaking Spanish who can talk to you.

YOu might also want to contact the OCSDA in California as they might have

more resources available in Spanish. Their website is http://www.ocdhelp.org

Good luck to you and your daughter, take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 11:35 PM 10/09/2000 -0300, you wrote:

>Hi:

>I am from Chile and my english isn't good,but I read all yours messages and

>it help me very much. My daughter 15 yo was OCD's diagnoses 2 years ago. She

>is actually treated with Venlafaxine Retard 75 mg and ac. valproico 250 mg.

>Her principals Cs are washing and anybody or anything touch her.

>The washing , cleaning and ordering her clothes and her room rituals last

>approximately 7 hours. She uses 1 liter of shampoo a day and something less

>than soap ( doesn't mention electricity, gas and water). She goes at school

>and she goes to bed at 3 AM and she gets up 7 AM. Of course this doesn't

>allow her to concentrate on classes and their yield is quite bad. In my

>country don't exist help's programs neither laws that protect the

>individuals with these disorder, so she has to adapt to the common

>scholars system

>I wanted to know if some of their OCD's children has similar symptoms and

>you can seek advice something new.

>Thank you for the received support

>Does somebody speak Spanish?

>Luck

>

[Guest guest]

>From: 3030@...

.... > She sees a therapist once a week, and he helps me as well! He

>lets me " unload " on him before he speaks to her, he gives me >suggestions

>for ways to deal with her, and always reminds me to

>take care of myself, which I try to do. <

You are a very fortunate person!! Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could all

find such compasionate professionals??

wendy, envious, in canada!

PS The last therapist I had was so impressed with my knowledge that she

hired me to work for her!

_________________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Hi , Welcome!

We have a hard time finding professinals to work with us and so I began

doing the basic ideas of therapy with my kids. This was before I was trained

to do the therapy. I used the books by March and Mulle: Obsessive

Compulsive Disorder in Children and Adolescence; and read as many other

books and pamplettes that I could get. Once this list came along I learned

sooo much!!

One of my kids was a washer! She used to always be in the shower, but we

identified that this was too much, and together we decided to reduce the

amount of times she showered, and how many times she shampood her hair!

If I remember correctly, we decided on 5 showers of 15 minutes and only 3

with shampoo. Once she could do this without too much anxiety, in about a

week, we reduced it to 3 showers with one shampoo, for 15 minutes. Today she

showers briefly twice a day and shampoos every second day. The idea is that

you help identify where her anxiety is and how much she can control it.

My son is a counter. He used to have us/me counting with him for 1.4 hours

2-3x a day! We were given stupid advise to just stop counting with him. He

raged for a week. It was awful. I would today look at what he counted and

how much he counted and create a hierarchy of these items. Together we would

come up with a compromise and include a time line. This has helped reduce

other compulsions since we have learned the right way to conduct ourselves.

If you would like, write a more specific post on your daughter and we can

help you with examples of how to work through situations.

Take care, wendy in canada

================================

>Her principals Cs are washing and anybody or anything touch her.

>The washing , cleaning and ordering her clothes and her room rituals last

>approximately 7 hours. She uses 1 liter of shampoo a day and something less

>than soap ( doesn't mention electricity, gas and water). She goes at school

>and she goes to bed at 3 AM and she gets up 7 AM. Of course this doesn't

>allow her to concentrate on classes and their yield is quite bad. In my

>country don't exist help's programs neither laws that protect the

>individuals with these disorder, so she has to adapt to the common

>scholars system

>I wanted to know if some of their OCD's children has similar symptoms and

>you can seek advice something new.

>Thank you for the received support

>Does somebody speak Spanish? >Luck >

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[Guest guest]

Hi:

I am from Chile and my english isn't good,but I read all yours messages and

it help me very much. My daughter 15 yo was OCD's diagnoses 2 years ago. She

is actually treated with Venlafaxine Retard 75 mg and ac. valproico 250 mg.

Her principals Cs are washing and anybody or anything touch her.

The washing , cleaning and ordering her clothes and her room rituals last

approximately 7 hours. She uses 1 liter of shampoo a day and something less

than soap ( doesn't mention electricity, gas and water). She goes at school

and she goes to bed at 3 AM and she gets up 7 AM. Of course this doesn't

allow her to concentrate on classes and their yield is quite bad. In my

country don't exist help's programs neither laws that protect the

individuals with these disorder, so she has to adapt to the common

scholars system

I wanted to know if some of their OCD's children has similar symptoms and

you can seek advice something new.

Thank you for the received support

Does somebody speak Spanish?

Luck

[Guest guest]

Please take me off of this list. It has been a pleasure meeting everyone,

but I know have an email address with hotmail that I can subscribe to the

list.

Thank you

angie

Re: New to egroups

>From: 3030@...

.... > She sees a therapist once a week, and he helps me as well! He

>lets me " unload " on him before he speaks to her, he gives me >suggestions

>for ways to deal with her, and always reminds me to

>take care of myself, which I try to do. <

You are a very fortunate person!! Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could all

find such compasionate professionals??

wendy, envious, in canada!

PS The last therapist I had was so impressed with my knowledge that she

hired me to work for her!

_________________________________________________________________________

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