Re: I went back to playing racquetball with Chris!-for

[Guest guest]

When we went to marriage counseling, after Chris's affair, he told

the therapist that he missed the girl that he married. He said that

my personality has changed so much since I got sick 4 yrs. ago, and

that I'm always talking about my illness and ways to get better. I

used to be so bubbly and positive about everything. She suggested

that we try to do some things that we did when we first got married,

so we started playing racquetball again last week. I even took a

lesson from the pro at our gym. It's such a fun game.

I've had several friends tell me that there is no way they would ever

stay with a husband that cheated, and I didn't think that I would

either. It's hard to tell what a person would do in a situation until

it really happened to them. It's really taught me to not judge

someone else since every situation is different. Maybe if we didn't

have a 2 yr. old and he hadn't taken care of me during this illness,

I would feel different about taking him back. I think what really

scares me is that after I found out about the affair, he told me that

he loved me, but wasn't in love with me. Then he went to Ireland for

10 days and changed his mind. What if he changes his mind again? He

says that will never happen, but he said that years ago (that he

would always love me, no matter what)

I guess that I have 2 choices. Either take him back, and try to be

positive and work on trusting again, or don't take him back at all.

Our marriage therapist told me that her husband had an affair 3 yrs.

ago, and they worked thru it. He now holds a support group at church

for men that have a problem being faithful (is now in that

group)says that he made a horrible mistake and he feels very

guilty about it. It's hard for me to look up to him now, and respect

him.

Now that we both had our blood looked at, and Candida (which they

said was like a parisite)was present in both of us, we are trying to

stay on the same strict diet and exercise program. He has been having

really bad acid/reflux, sleeping problems, and tummy aches for the

past couple of yrs. We always blamed it on the stress of my being

ill. I'm hoping if we can clear our blood up, we can start a fresh

new start. Anyway, sorry to go on and on about this-I know how much

you have gone thru in relationships, so I really value your opinion.

I wish that you could come to Las Vegas and hang out with me.

You look so great in all the pictures I've seen in Idaho!

I'll talk to you soon-Love, Daryl

> > > > > >You said you were in the hotel for six days?!?!? That's a

> > long

> > > > > >time!!!! Is it usually that many days? We made our

> > > reservations

> > > > for five

> > > > > >days -- hoping we'd be out of there. I hope it doesn't go

> > more

> > > > than

> > > > > >that. Have children at home staying with a relative.

Hard

> > for

> > > me

> > > > to be

> > > > > >away that long!!!

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Hey Daryl,

has been looking for flights to Vegas and there are some good

prices, and he wants to see Elton (his favorite) so we may be

out there sooner than you think, though we are looking more toward

the fall, maybe late October, how would that work? I told he

needs to hang with they have music in common, is in a

band though he is not a pro like he plays really well (guitar)

and they could talk about allot of things.

I know for most men sex and having a confident woman is so freaking

important to them. I guess what explained to me is that despite

my illness esp in the beginning of our relationship is that my desire

to get well and positive attitude and the fact that I always was a

big of an aggressive girl in the bedroom, made him love me all the

more. is a bit different than allot of men though, and I think

he likes to be needed, my being ill certainly made me need him allot

more ya know what I mean?

Anyhow girl I am going to call ya this afternoon after my workout, so

we can catch up on all this stuff. I have loads of wisdom and advice

for you hee hee, so maybe it will help.

Complaining is hard on allot of men, and while I can see how you feel

about it, sometimes we need to just complain to eachother and not so

much to our men, they don't always understand and sometimes it is

better to talk with other people anyhow, who relate. That is why I

love this group, I don't have to dump everything on . He likes to

listen to what I have to say don't get me wrong, just that I think it

helps to get a break from it too.

Anyhow I will call ya soon

canot wait to talk to ya so I hope your there.

love ya girl

In , " daryljean35 " <daryljean@c...>

wrote:

> When we went to marriage counseling, after Chris's affair, he

told

> the therapist that he missed the girl that he married. He said that

> my personality has changed so much since I got sick 4 yrs. ago, and

> that I'm always talking about my illness and ways to get better. I

> used to be so bubbly and positive about everything. She suggested

> that we try to do some things that we did when we first got

married,

> so we started playing racquetball again last week. I even took a

> lesson from the pro at our gym. It's such a fun game.

>

> I've had several friends tell me that there is no way they would

ever

> stay with a husband that cheated, and I didn't think that I would

> either. It's hard to tell what a person would do in a situation

until

> it really happened to them. It's really taught me to not judge

> someone else since every situation is different. Maybe if we didn't

> have a 2 yr. old and he hadn't taken care of me during this

illness,

> I would feel different about taking him back. I think what really

> scares me is that after I found out about the affair, he told me

that

> he loved me, but wasn't in love with me. Then he went to Ireland

for

> 10 days and changed his mind. What if he changes his mind again? He

> says that will never happen, but he said that years ago (that he

> would always love me, no matter what)

>

> I guess that I have 2 choices. Either take him back, and try to be

> positive and work on trusting again, or don't take him back at all.

> Our marriage therapist told me that her husband had an affair 3

yrs.

> ago, and they worked thru it. He now holds a support group at

church

> for men that have a problem being faithful (is now in that

> group)says that he made a horrible mistake and he feels very

> guilty about it. It's hard for me to look up to him now, and

respect

> him.

>

> Now that we both had our blood looked at, and Candida (which they

> said was like a parisite)was present in both of us, we are trying

to

> stay on the same strict diet and exercise program. He has been

having

> really bad acid/reflux, sleeping problems, and tummy aches for the

> past couple of yrs. We always blamed it on the stress of my being

> ill. I'm hoping if we can clear our blood up, we can start a fresh

> new start. Anyway, sorry to go on and on about this-I know how much

> you have gone thru in relationships, so I really value your opinion.

>

> I wish that you could come to Las Vegas and hang out with me.

> You look so great in all the pictures I've seen in Idaho!

> I'll talk to you soon-Love, Daryl

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > > >You said you were in the hotel for six days?!?!? That's

a

> > > long

> > > > > > >time!!!! Is it usually that many days? We made our

> > > > reservations

> > > > > for five

> > > > > > >days -- hoping we'd be out of there. I hope it doesn't

go

> > > more

> > > > > than

> > > > > > >that. Have children at home staying with a relative.

> Hard

> > > for

> > > > me

> > > > > to be

> > > > > > >away that long!!!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Daryl

I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. You have

had some really tough breaks but you are really handling them very

well. I admire your strength. As far as staying with your husband

after an affair, I really think that if you give it to God, He will

guide you to the right decision. You will feel a peace about what

to do. People can and do change---especially if they put God at the

center of their lives. Praying for chris's spiritual life is

perhaps the most important thing. God changes lives forever! At

any rate I applaud you for giving your marriage a second chance. My

sister's husband cheated on her for several months with his

secretary about ten years ago. She forgave him and they rebuilt

their marriage. They are actually quite close now and have a good

marriage. I know of other success stories too. I am not saying

that you should stay with your husband,(only you know what is best

for you)-- only giving you hope that there are people out there whose

marriages have survived adultery. Remember, it easy for your

friends to say how they would act and feel when they are not the

ones confronted with the situation. It is easy to say there is no

way you would stay with someone who cheated on you, when your spouse

isn't cheating on you. I think you are right to give your

relationship every opportunity to see if

it is worth saving. If it isn't, I think it will become apparent.

I will pray that God will change into the man he should be.

Has ever heard of Promisekeepers? I know several men

including my husband and son who have been to their conferences. It

is all about men keeping their promises to God, their wives, and

their children. It is about being Godly men. Perhaps he could

attend one of their conventions. They just had one in Dallas and my

23 year old son really liked it. Just a thought. take care

hugs, kathy

--- In , " daryljean35 " <daryljean@c...>

wrote:

> When we went to marriage counseling, after Chris's affair, he

told

> the therapist that he missed the girl that he married. He said

that

> my personality has changed so much since I got sick 4 yrs. ago,

and

> that I'm always talking about my illness and ways to get better. I

> used to be so bubbly and positive about everything. She suggested

> that we try to do some things that we did when we first got

married,

> so we started playing racquetball again last week. I even took a

> lesson from the pro at our gym. It's such a fun game.

>

> I've had several friends tell me that there is no way they would

ever

> stay with a husband that cheated, and I didn't think that I would

> either. It's hard to tell what a person would do in a situation

until

> it really happened to them. It's really taught me to not judge

> someone else since every situation is different. Maybe if we

didn't

> have a 2 yr. old and he hadn't taken care of me during this

illness,

> I would feel different about taking him back. I think what really

> scares me is that after I found out about the affair, he told me

that

> he loved me, but wasn't in love with me. Then he went to Ireland

for

> 10 days and changed his mind. What if he changes his mind again?

He

> says that will never happen, but he said that years ago (that he

> would always love me, no matter what)

>

> I guess that I have 2 choices. Either take him back, and try to be

> positive and work on trusting again, or don't take him back at

all.

> Our marriage therapist told me that her husband had an affair 3

yrs.

> ago, and they worked thru it. He now holds a support group at

church

> for men that have a problem being faithful (is now in that

> group)says that he made a horrible mistake and he feels very

> guilty about it. It's hard for me to look up to him now, and

respect

> him.

>

> Now that we both had our blood looked at, and Candida (which they

> said was like a parisite)was present in both of us, we are trying

to

> stay on the same strict diet and exercise program. He has been

having

> really bad acid/reflux, sleeping problems, and tummy aches for the

> past couple of yrs. We always blamed it on the stress of my being

> ill. I'm hoping if we can clear our blood up, we can start a fresh

> new start. Anyway, sorry to go on and on about this-I know how

much

> you have gone thru in relationships, so I really value your

opinion.

>

> I wish that you could come to Las Vegas and hang out with me.

> You look so great in all the pictures I've seen in Idaho!

> I'll talk to you soon-Love, Daryl

>

>

>

>

>

>

>