Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 gail i am 42 and have been alone for 10 years now. i know how you feel. i think i use it as an excuse not to let someone get close to me. i say life is too short, if you have found someone to love and love you back i'd say give it a try. kathy in il Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Hi there when you speak from your soul either the other soul embraces your soul and all of it...or he does not embrace your soul....tis best to open the truths and to unburden yourself...maybe he is the one who will lighten your burdens... maybe he truly is that good a soul.. to me it is straightforward...if you hide your pains you hide your truths....they are part of your inner spirit and soul and should be embraced....for they are pains of courage, and this aspect of your courage should also be embraced.. give the man the true chance....but that is just my humble offering of truths... i think the thing that might be the burden is hiding the truth....in some ways Gail we are all burdens to others...whether we have migraines or a cold sore...or ra...or cancer....people get through it together or they are not worth giving my soul to... i am sure he will embrace the being that you are...the pains you endure... let in the happiness...do not harbour your fears alone....speak with him and either he carries the burdens or he walks...either way you have been your whole being and truthful and expressed your concerns to him and that is very noble...in wishing to hide pains there is nobility and strength...but maybe he wishes to admire those qualities also...and to aid you when you falter... hugs sam [ ] Mixed Emotions > First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. > > As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. > > I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. > > Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. > > There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . > > I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. > > I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. > > My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. > > Hugs to all of you, > > Gail > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Gail: He sounds like a great guy but you are not letting him in on one of the most important aspects of your life - your arthritis which affects all other aspects of your life. In my humble opinion, you need to really talk to him about your pain, what you go through on a day to day basis, and the fear you have of being a " burden " to him. If he loves you as it seems from your letter he does you may be worrying needlessly about the " burden " part because when we love someone we love all of them, accept the good with the bad. You have done a wonderful job all on your own raising your kids and it took a strong woman to do that. You deserve happiness with someone and you are very lucky to have found that person. Be honest with him about your pain and I think you will feel better having leveled with him rather than trying to be strong and uncomplaining all the time. That has got to be hard on you. Hope this has helped a bit - Dear Abby I am not! Kathe in CA __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 > > >Gail, please don't let RA keep you from being happy, it would be no fun being alone. Let him read up on some of the articles you get on this site so maybe he will understand it a little better. RA is such a big part of our lives. My husband of 31 years is learning to live with the disease (slowly) but he loves me just the same. You sound like such a nice person I think you deserve to be happy. in WA My two cents worth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Gail, your fears are perfectly normal. People with chronic illnesses wonder what the future will hold. Nobody wishes to be a burden on anyone or hold those whom they love back. The thing is, nobody can predict the future. You may improve, you may hold steady, you may decline (let's hope it's improve!). It's impossible to say. Even your man's future is uncertain. There's no guarantee that he will remain in basically the same physical and mental state that he is now. Would it matter to you if he revealed that he had a chronic illness and may decline? What about several years down the road? So my advice is to be honest and voice your concerns. Share your worries with him. That would be the fairest thing to do for you both. [ ] Mixed Emotions > First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. > > As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. > > I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. > > Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. > > There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . > > I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. > > I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. > > My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. > > Hugs to all of you, > > Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Dear Gail, I understand a little bit of what you are going through I got married at 18 and we found out after 5 years of marriage I was unable to have childern and I thought my husband would be better off without me as I knew he wanted childern and would be throwing away any chance he had to do that. But to my surprize when we talked about it he said he was happy just to have me. It sounds to me like you need to let your man have a fair chance of saying what he is willing to deal with or not willing to deal with. he might just surprize you as well... I do send you my best wishes on this and Talk to him and give him a chane too. God Bless Hugs And Love Toni <Matsumura_Clan@...> wrote: Gail, your fears are perfectly normal. People with chronic illnesses wonder what the future will hold. Nobody wishes to be a burden on anyone or hold those whom they love back. The thing is, nobody can predict the future. You may improve, you may hold steady, you may decline (let's hope it's improve!). It's impossible to say. Even your man's future is uncertain. There's no guarantee that he will remain in basically the same physical and mental state that he is now. Would it matter to you if he revealed that he had a chronic illness and may decline? What about several years down the road? So my advice is to be honest and voice your concerns. Share your worries with him. That would be the fairest thing to do for you both. [ ] Mixed Emotions > First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. > > As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. > > I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. > > Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. > > There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . > > I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. > > I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. > > My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. > > Hugs to all of you, > > Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 , Thank you for your advice.... ...All of your good advice is helping me be more open and honest with my illness. Your question in your reply enlightened me to look at this in a vise-versa position. Thanks, Gail [ ] Mixed Emotions > First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. > > As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. > > I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. > > Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. > > There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . > > I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. > > I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. > > My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. > > Hugs to all of you, > > Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Wow Gail, You sure do ask the hard questions! LOL! When any of us start a relationship, no one has a crystal ball, at least we didn't have them in Chicago, so who is to know what the future holds for any of us. God didn't want man (or woman) to go thru this life by themselves. We all do better in pairs (just look at Noah's ark!). It seems to me that the vote from the members of this little family is definitely a double thumbs up. Be honest with him, enjoy the time you spend together, cry the tears you need to shed together and thank God that you have someone to share this life with. My guarantee on relationships or marriage didn't even last a week! I had pneumonia on the day we got married, slept all the way to Florida and still I can't shake my husband after 24 years. The shoe could have very easily been on the other foot and it could have been him who was sick and not quite in the best of shape, but it still would not have changed our outcome. My husband had polio when he was a little boy and we are all learning about something called " post polio syndrome " , so I have no idea what is awaiting ahead for us either. But if I dwell on it, heck, I would never get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes, adversity doesn't come in the way of sickness. Last year, my husband lost his job and was out for almost a year and in November of that same year, I lost my job. Now that is stressful! 3 kids still at home, sick wife, savings gone, retirement gone but somehow and at times I don't know how, we kept it together. It wasn't easy and it still isn't, but hey if you don't work hard to get it, it ain't worth having. OK Gail, we will all be throwing rice when you decide to take the plunge! Let go of the fear and enjoy this time in your life! Gentle, tender, love is in the air angel hugs, Debs in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2002 Report Share Posted July 17, 2002 Hi Gail, Like others have said, I think you need to be honest with him. If he wants to love you..heck, let him! You deserve to be happy. Hugs, Carol [ ] Mixed Emotions First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ....I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. Hugs to all of you, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2002 Report Share Posted July 18, 2002 Gail, Just remember that the bachelorette party is being held here in Florida with my cabana boys pampering us all! So there, Ladies.....mark your calendars. It is all up to Gail! Sleep well, sweet lady! See the stirrings you caused by just asking one question! LOL! Gentle, tender, Florida angel hugs, Debs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2002 Report Share Posted July 18, 2002 Well, my dear Tess, Maybe that is a side business that I could get into now that the cabana boy business has taken off so well! MATCHMAKING BY DEBS You know what they say, when you least expect it, love shakes your hand. Leaving the house a little bit might give love an extra shove! How about that grocery store story.....ask for help in the frozen food aisle.....play dumb (for me it comes naturally) with the butcher. Now if you MUST stay indoors, then how about stuffing a sock in the washing machine (of course, at my house, we seem to have a pipe that does that automatically) that should bring the repairman by. See you just gotta use your noodle! Everyone needs a mate just to walk thru life with and I will be saying extra prayers to our Great Match Maker in the sky to send you that special person that you can walk hand in hand with. God knows our needs better than we do. OK we are in the process of making the arrangements for the bachelorette party for Gail to be held here at my place with the cabana boys in attendance, of course! So mark your calendars!!!!! Have a good evening, my friend and watch out for cupid's arrow! Love and ((((((((((((Tess))))))))))))))) Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2002 Report Share Posted July 18, 2002 Debs in Florida; Just got home from Church and thought I would read my emails before I'm gone tomorrow ( be home tomorrow night ) Thank you for your comments...I guess I'll just go ahead and let him know how severe RA can really be at times. I've always tried to hide my pain from others and Now it's " the Truth shall set me Free " time. I'll have to swallow my foolish pride and let him know the pain I deal with everyday. I'm lovin your sense of humor.....It's still early in our relationship ( about 6 months ) So the rice is a long way off...After being single for 26 years...I've got plenty of things to sort through and think about. Thanks Deb Hugs, Gail Re: [ ] Mixed Emotions Wow Gail, You sure do ask the hard questions! LOL! When any of us start a relationship, no one has a crystal ball, at least we didn't have them in Chicago, so who is to know what the future holds for any of us. God didn't want man (or woman) to go thru this life by themselves. We all do better in pairs (just look at Noah's ark!). It seems to me that the vote from the members of this little family is definitely a double thumbs up. Be honest with him, enjoy the time you spend together, cry the tears you need to shed together and thank God that you have someone to share this life with. My guarantee on relationships or marriage didn't even last a week! I had pneumonia on the day we got married, slept all the way to Florida and still I can't shake my husband after 24 years. The shoe could have very easily been on the other foot and it could have been him who was sick and not quite in the best of shape, but it still would not have changed our outcome. My husband had polio when he was a little boy and we are all learning about something called " post polio syndrome " , so I have no idea what is awaiting ahead for us either. But if I dwell on it, heck, I would never get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes, adversity doesn't come in the way of sickness. Last year, my husband lost his job and was out for almost a year and in November of that same year, I lost my job. Now that is stressful! 3 kids still at home, sick wife, savings gone, retirement gone but somehow and at times I don't know how, we kept it together. It wasn't easy and it still isn't, but hey if you don't work hard to get it, it ain't worth having. OK Gail, we will all be throwing rice when you decide to take the plunge! Let go of the fear and enjoy this time in your life! Gentle, tender, love is in the air angel hugs, Debs in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2002 Report Share Posted July 18, 2002 Dear Debs...what a wonderful letter you wrote to Gail. You are such a sweetie. I've been alone for 12 years now, and I would love to have a good man in my life, if God wills that. I suppose it'd be good if I actually left my house and met people, if just for face-2-face friendship. Something I do need to work on. Anyway, thank you for being a great encourager in the midst of your own hurts. Hugs & Prayers & Much Love.... Tess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2002 Report Share Posted July 18, 2002 Thank you Carol, I appreciate your comment.....Sometime my RA can just diminish my self-esteem. No more pretending.....I'll tell him all about my Ra. Hugs, Gail [ ] Mixed Emotions First of all I know this is not a " dear Abby " or advice for the Lovelorn group...But it does have everything to do with my struggle with RA. As I have told the group before...I was very young ( 28 ) when My ex decided to leave myself and our four little girls...ages 6months, 2 years, 4 years and 8 years of age. That was back in 1977. I was determined to raise my girls in a good home environment and see that they were my first priority. I did just that seeing them through high school and college and spending quality time with them. We had so much fun together ...I was kinda like their older sister growing up with them too. Now they are all married with families of their own...All living away ( except youngest...No children yet ) Now that I'm alone and could even think about starting my life again with a mate....My RA is my stumbling block. There's this wonderful gentleman in my life and he knows I have RA to some extent...But I know he doesn't know the severity of it. He talks of future plans for us like the Big M ( marriage ) in the future. My heart and mind tells me I DON'T want to be alone for the rest of my life and My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I know this sounds pessimistic and negative...But It bothers me . I've always tried to hide most of my pain in his presence...But have complained with my knees quite a bit too. So That's why I say I don't think he really knows the severity of my disease....but if he loves me ( and he tells me he does ) It probably don't matter to him anyway...But it matters to me. I am so mixed up about what to do about my future with him...I feel like after all this time of being alone ( 26 yrs.) and now when happiness finally knocks on my door...I won't be able to let it in and enjoy it. My biggest fear is being a burden on him later on. I would love to hear your input on my situation. Hugs to all of you, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 I liked Elaina's email and have had the same ideas going through my mind. I myself don't hesitate in talking to people about CMT. In fact, I love doing it as it helps increase awareness. People whose attitudes change with this knowledge don't matter...and people who matter they hardly change due to this. What we feel about ourselves is more important. Anyway, I need to share something here. When I'm talking about CMT with someone, I become a bit hyper. I guess this is because, somewhere, I start blaming CMT for things more than it should actually be blamed. I understand that maybe the reason of myself not being into a lot of conversation is that I know I won't be able to hear much of what the other person says, but a voice inside quips, " You are looking for excuses " ! I really wonder at the stuff that goes on inside this brain of ours!! I am writing all that is coming to my mind...not aiming at anything in particular. Just need to get it out of my system Recently, I had the farewell function in my college. I had performed a solo dance. I stood with the support of a table and did it. Well, people LOVED it...I got tonnes of compliments...still getting them...but when I saw the video I JUST DIDN'T LIKE IT! To be frank, I almost hated it! So, was everyone complimenting me coz they thought along lines like " Wow! Look at her, she did it despite her disability. " ? Not that I detected such hints in anyone's praise...the praise was indeed all 'straight from hearts'. Anyways, I can't deny I HAD A BALL DANCING...It felt like 'this had to be done'! Generally speaking, their are two voices inside me as far as CMT is concerned...and am dying to achieve a balance between the two...even as I type this. One voice says, " Reema, don't find excuses by way of your CMT. You are what you make of yourself. You can do ANYTHING ...without letting CMT come in the way. But you don't see it that way. You blame your CMT instead of blaming your laziness. " And the other voice says, " Reema, be realistic! Know your limits.(the other voice quips, " Limits are defined by an individual himself/herself). You can't really achieve anything that you want to. You have CMT...acknowledge it and act accordingly " . Hehe...this email can be titled 'Psycho CMT'...or maybe 'Philosophical MT...lol. Is this making sense? I have all the answers, yet I don't. Laughing on myself... Reema Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Reema, Thank you for your reply and I do understand you. It's like when I'm so fatigued that I just can't keep my eyes open. I feel like I'm just being lazy. But then I say to myself 'if you do everything that needs to be done today you're going to pay for it later in pain'. I go back and forth all the time like that. I know I can do anything I really want to do but at the same time I think I fool myself with being too scared to do things or would just rather be safe than sorry. Now I feel like I'm not making sense too. Anyway, know that I understand what you're thinking and thanks again. Elaina/NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2007 Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 Wow, you've sure said it well, le. As for the Milk Thistle, I use the Maximum Milk Thistle, one capsule three times a day, as recommended, that is a total of 720 mg per day, at 240 mg each capsule.. Hugs and prayers, Sheena kdaniellem <kdaniellem@...> wrote: >> I didn't realize you had "just" been diagnosed. I can only imagine the> amount of mixed emotions you are going through right now. I guess "mixed emotions" is an appropriate term... heck, I'm even confused about what should/shouldn't confuse me right now. ;-)Trying to fit the idea of Tx into my life plans and understand how this Dx may have narrowed my path. I wonder if I should just wait until summer to start Tx, due to the sides at the beginning, rather than try to go to school at the same time. I worry that they may want to extend my Tx which would throw me into the midst of tougher clinicals and possible longer term discomfort from sides. I'm terrified to tell the instructor tomorrow who is known for weeding out those she deems "weak" or unfit for the profession, I worry about how my dentist will deal with the news when I go to my appt today. I am afraid of the reactions of others.... my tendency today is not to keep secrets about who I am, but I also don't think it appropriate to start wearing my "stigma girl" t-shirt again! I worry about being responsible, but not destroying what I have worked so hard for. I wonder at the fact that if I had a Dx of breast cancer, folk would be crawling all over trying to be supportive, but because I have Hep C, I will be hidden and hiding.And I wonder what is the max mg of milk thistle y'all suggest?Fear, confusion, faith.... all intertwined.le Be a PS3 game guru.Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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