Bullying

[Guest guest]

Diane, if this other child is bullying then you certainly have a right to

not only complain but to know EXACTLY what will be done to punish him. As a

child in the school system, has a right to not be bullied at school for

any reason . As a child with a disability, he has a right to not be suspended

bacause of his medical disability. Although there is a 10 day per calendar year

rule that a child can be suspended , that should be the last option

considered - and that is only after the school has fulfilled their obligation

to you and to stop the bullying from this other child.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You are 100 % correct!! It is not just kids with " disabilities " that get

bullied it is the ones who are the most vulnerable. The ones whom's home

life may not be so hot, the one that walks funny, the one who has red hair, the

one who reads a lot, etc. Bullying is a serious issue all across the USA and

beyond. Somehow schools need to prevent or at least educate children about

this behavior and how unacceptable it is. Thanks so much Heidi

[Guest guest]

Hello Jen,

Some times teachers come in strange forms. That teacher may as well told

you, you could not do it and you proved that teacher wrong. I remember being

in elementary school and a teacher told my Mom (because of my LD learning

disabilities) " Do not expect Heidi to learn above a certain level, she will be

lucky if she graduates and don't ever expect her to go to college she won't

make it. " Well these words haunted me for years down the road. Well, I did go

to college. ***Funny how life makes a circle some times.**** I had forgotten

this teacher I was so young. Yet I had to write a paper and the words came

back as I was sitting in this teacher's classroom in college. So I got the

nerve to say, " When I was in elementary school a teacher told me I would never

make it to college. " The teacher became very defensive, " I didn't say that. "

What a confrontation SHE DID SAY THAT----way back when. That same teacher that

told my Mom I would never make it was teaching me in college. How funny. What

a chuckle I got out of this so many times. Well, I did perservere I did go

to College not once but a few times first I completed my Child CAre

Certificate, then my Associates of Science Degree in Early Childhood Education

and then

my Bachelor's Degree in Child and Family Studies. Not only did I go to

college, I also was Cum Laude. So did I ever prove to myself that I could do

it.

Sadly my Mom had passed away before she could see me graduate, she was the one

that told the school Heidi can do it you watch, She rather supplemented my

education. She pushed a bit hard, but her patience was not always as good as

mine, so anyhow I did turn out pretty good. Just a thought Learning

Disabilities are not disabilities in my opnion as the " system " wants a child to

learn

in that time frame if they don't learn in that time frame they are considered

LD. When you homeschool a child there are no set time limits so in hence

there are no LD. Just a thought.

Thanks

Heidi

[Guest guest]

When I was in high school, there was a young man who got picked on

constantly. He had no hang ups and no disabilities. He just was very very

smart and was the class dork you could say back then. I remember as if it

happened yesterday.

One of the boys provoked a fight with him and Lee popped. Lee beat him up so

bad we were all in shock. I saw Lee a couple of years ago, he has never married

and will not ever marry because he wants no children. I asked " why " and he said

it was because of the harassment he lived with in high school and if he has no

children then they would not have to live with the harrasement he suffered

through.

I told him I was so sorry that he felt that way and told him if I was ever once

part of that reason I apologized. He said " no but you

never came to help defend me " . I felt so bad.

Lee is now in his 50's and I can't imagine the torture he must have went through

in school from the bullying he suffered back in the 60's. During our

conversation, I called him by the wrong name and he got really upset. I said I

am so sorry and his reply was " Well

its never gonna stop. " I stood there in shock I couldn't believe he was so

upset. We ended our conversation abruptly and off he went. To this day I still

feel sorry for him. The bullying has scared his life beyond what any of us even

realized.

Elaine

[Guest guest]

Heidi,

I am just now reading emails from the last two months. I am so sorry to hear

about Seth. I hope to God that you DID press charges. I have a 3 1/2 yr old son

and hope that I haven't passed my CMT on to him. He does walk a bit on his left

toe but no one but me and my sisters have noticed; I was told by the MDA

neurologist that his own son does that and it's nothing to worry about. But your

story makes me want to keep tabs on this all the more.

From my own experiences with physical disability throughout the school system, I

truly feel that what people do to you affects you psychology worse than the pain

that most physical disabilities brings. What I mean is that the psychological

suffering and lowering of self-esteem causes longer lasting disability or

inability than many physical problems alone could. Anyway, of course, Seth's

situation was much worse in that it was life threatening. I completely commend

you for taking him out of such a horrible school system.

Unfortunately, I think our entire country's school system is in a horrible

state for the violence reason alone. It is up to society to enforce regulations

to keep our kids safe.Society expects our children to contribute their

intelligence and our adults to contribute their work. Therefore, if people have

to function within society, then it is up to each member of that society to

contribute to the safety of others. That seems obvious and yet it is not

happening. Therefore you must take your child out of such a system. As far as

pressing charges, all I can say is that a man who used to beat me told me that

he would basically have no conscience if it wasn't for laws. He proved who he

was by beating me and I remembered what he said and pressed charges. He was

sorry! (for himself, of course). The point is, that is the only way some people

will ever learn.

Sincerely, Dawn

[Guest guest]

Dear Elaine,

life we have many personal " issues " it is all in how we choose to deal

with them. Either we let others beat us down or we choose to perservere and

become stronger because of it. I can empathsize with this man, however I believe

he needs some help to work out his problems. WE can not stop living because

something has happened to us. Seth is not going to stop socializing because

someone bullied him. He is actually going to go to a dance with some

homeschoolers. We must stand up for our rights and never give up. Like I said I

empathsize I just think he is gone to the extreme and given up. Not good to give

up in life.

Take care

Heidi

[Guest guest]

Hi Geri,

I am sorry if this sounds preachy, but isn't it strange to wonder if being

sensitive is is the equivalent of being a lost cause.  I see the bullying as the

problem - not the emotional response to bullying.  It is normal to have an

emotional response when people aren't treating you right.

Trust that you are a worthy & beautiful person.

Chris

[Guest guest]

Thanks Chris

[Guest guest]

Geri,

You should say something  like " it takes a lot more intelligence to get around

in one of these things than it takes you just to walk around. Why don't you try

it for a day?! " I'm serious. People don't realize that having a physical

disability means nothing about your mind except that you might have to be

smarter than the average person in order to get around.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

If there is a next time I will think of something...they caught me off guard to

the point of being speechless... I think because they wouldn't stop.. and that

high pitched the baby talk voice...... yuck!

Geri

[Guest guest]

'Evil/stupid' people get energized seeing weak, timid people.

Unfortunately, I learned years ago to respond with a word which rhymes with

'DUCK', followed by the word 'you'.

Now, pick your battles, because I guarantee you, this WILL alienate that person

from you rather immediately, and permanently. BUT, screw-up losers who are

bullying you will be gone, too.

My 2 cents. ;-)

[Guest guest]

Geri, I'm sorry it has been so hard. The garage sale incident sounds

like it really hurt. I was reflecting on your emails because I was

always the sensitive one, got picked on a lot in grade school, always

felt humiliated when people laughed or teased, but I don't anymore.

That got me to wondering why is that? Partly, I was lucky to have some

great role models in my life, and we moved to a new city and state when

I started high school. The people there were friendly and I didn't have

that history with them.

Now I watch my daughter and see in her something I've always aspired to, and

hope that I have taught it to her by at least Pretending that I'm like that. She

is very self assured, confident, walks like she is never in a hurry and knows

exactly where she's going, head up, shoulders back. She participates in the

things she enjoys and politely declines things that don't interest her. When

some cheerleaders started taunting her that she couldn't be a

cheerleader if she would try out (she had no interest in trying out so they

thought they spotted a weakness). She just looked at them, stood up, did a

cartwheel and a round off, walked back to where she was sitting, sat down, then

looked at them and calmly said: " Oh, if I

wanted to be a cheer leader, I'd be one. I choose not to. " They were

speechless and have never bothered her again.

I was so proud of her when I heard that. (Not the least of which is

pride that she can still do physical stuff like that!) She could have

let the words of those thoughtless girls hurt her, feel bad about

herself and get depressed. But she walked away feeling like she was in control

and they felt like they were 2 inches tall. Now people like that tag along after

her because her self assuredness makes her " cool " . Everyone wants to be like

that. She found the answer to the secret, just BE like that, that's all.

It's probably a bad example with a physical demonstration putting them in their

places, but a self assured attitude and the right words can have the same

effect.

As an adult, the only one I've had to deal with that is a bully is my ex

husband. I had a hard time finding a way to deal with that. What really helped

was to rehearse " come backs " to predictable situations, act like I couldn't be

ruffled (even when I was shaking like a leaf inside) and imagine him pressing

buttons that weren't working anymore and seeing him get frustrated by it while I

laughed in my imagination. It worked. He doesn't bully me anymore because he

gets nothing out of it.

Finally, those folks at the garage sale -- I got the impression that

they were just ignorant, not intentionally mean. Did I read that right? It

doesn't excuse their ignorance or insensitivity, but it should help a little to

know they weren't intentionally trying to hurt you. I'll bet if you let them

know in no uncertain terms that your wheelchair does not equate to being a moron

they would be wishing for the earth to open up and swallow them and their

mortification! I think I would say something like, " I'm sorry that your limited

life experience has led you to believe that I must be mentally challenged if I

am physically challenged. Let me assure you that the two are completely

unrelated. " They would be shocked to hear that from someone they assumed was a

moron.

And, above all else, keep in mind we only have control over our own

behavior. I refuse to let something I can't control humiliate me.

Holli

[Guest guest]

Thanks Holly.

Geri