Thank you from the bottom of my heart

[Guest guest]

For the advice, support and kind words you have all given to me.

I went to the Doc, I explained and due to " trying to conceive " I

can't relaly be on anything to help with the pain. But when I do get

Pg and have the baby, he will be happy to treat me. It's hard to

think of all the sacrafices I'll do to eventally have that baby I've

always dreamed about but sometimes I just can't see through the fog

of CMT and all the pain that comes with it.

My MDA doc brought up a wheelchair. I was reluctant to ask him for

it thinking the thoughts that have been beat into me over the years,

about uninformed, ignorant family members telling me I'd be giving

up. Even fighting that fight and education even the best intentioned

family members gets old. To make a long story short, I'm getting

one. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face all day yesterday.

Thinking someone out there " in real life " validated my pain. When I

told him I'd use it part time just when shopping or taking my 14

year old daughter to 6 flags, he said " use it as much as you want "

you need it and deserve to not hurt. With that said, He's right. If

I can't take anything right now I might as well limit my activity I

do, do with wheels and can still be independant and greatly improve

my quality of life. I can get out of the house now! Go shoppign

without leaving in a huff cause I forgot razors on the OTHER side of

the store and can't walk BACK to go get them so I just say forget

it, I'll get them next time. Know what I mean?

As far as mowing the yard. My husband is the main one around the

house that does a lot of the cooking, I do the clenaing, he helps

and he doesn't mind one bit. He's my hero. He's helped me navigate

through this whole venture. But I love to MOW! That's the hardest

thing that gets me is I can't go out and smell freshly cut grass and

do what I used to! I guess I'll learn one of these days.

I just have a hard time dealing with my limitations. I guess this

whole thing hasn't sunk in yet. Or maybe it has and I'm rebelling

against the desease. That sounds like me, I'd walk on broken legs if

someone told me I couldn't just to prove I could. I'm awnry like

that.

So back on the SSI, I'm lost on this issue. I have spent 10+ years

in the transportation industry, driving 18 wheelers. Getting paid

well and well the time has come to give up my CDL. I LOVED that job,

and it's heartbreaking that I can't do it anymore. My pride has

killed me when it comes to finding another job, due to I'd have to

start completely over. From the get go. I don't know if there are

any options for disability or SSI or even what the differences are.

I know that I'd like to have addition income in one form or the

other I just don't know how to get there. I might need help with

this. Please?

So that's where I am. Newly reminded that I can have a happy healthy

life, and be more independant, and improve my quality of life in a

wheelchair. This is music to my ears right now. To be able to " walk

the dogs " and go breathe fresh air without paying for it later.

Means the world to me.

So sorry this is a novel, but I wanted to let you all know how much

you have helped me. It's nice to have someone out there that knows

exactly what it is, to have this and to get through it.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

and PS, I WILL be a good Mom, and an active one. I just have to keep

reminding myself of that.

Cannan

[Guest guest]

Cannan, This will be a labor of love. You will get through this trial in your

life and you will have a dear sweet baby to hold. One of the greatest joys in

life is a child and they are worth every struggle we go through to bring them

into this world.

Blowing Baby dust your way.

[Guest guest]

Thank you , You brought tears to my eyes. You are so right, it

IS all worth it. I just have to get far enough from the trees to see

the forest. What you said was very kind.

Allthough I doubt myself at times, it's true- I've always wanted to

be a Mommy again, since my youngest daughter passed 12 years ago.

So, on that note- I'll keep fighting the good fight and in the end

I'll have the baby I've dreamed of all these years to hold and

nothing else will matter, that it took to get there.

Canaan