rules, rules WAS Re: violent behavior

[Guest guest]

This is a problem in our house too--I feel like I've got Kel's ocd on one

side, making a bunch of silly and pointless rules designed to make every

straightforward and easy thing hard, and I've got my dh on the other side

making a bunch of silly and pointless rules (IMO) off the top of his head,

that change daily as he completely forgets about them shortly after they are

made and certainly by the next day.

Though thankfully Kel doesn't have violent responses, she does sometimes get

frustrated and angry over the contradictory and changing rules, she can't

win. A sign of the poor team parenting in our home is: Kel has developed

the habit of looking at me, to mean " Do I really have to do this? " And I'm

in a real spot, because I think no, of course not but also feel I should

support dh. I also tell Kel she doesn't have to follow certain rules when

he's not around--how bad is that!!

Coping with the sudden appearance of ocd in my young girl, for my own sanity

I had to begin distinguishing between " worth it " and " not worth it " when it

came to lower-level things such as what clothes to wear, coat or not, what

constitues an acceptable diet, etc., etc. I think all kids need to make

increasing decisions for themselves as a big part of their growing up to be

independent adults. How can they manage this with a huge burden of rules

governing every small detail? I tend to draw the line at health and safety,

and behavior that impacts others.

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: <gdpalmer@...>

> Joni, you know me too well to think that I care about the silly socks. But

my husband does have some control issues and way too many RULES. Other than

basic guidelines, I can't stand RULES. I rebel against RULES.

> When I take the kids out to eat by myself they ask if they have to follow

the " vegetable rules. " I tell them, " Of course not! Go eat some pizza! "

Geez... Life is too short to be constrained by so many pointless rules.

>

> I could care less if wore socks outside. That's silly. But it's not

my rule, and we're trying not to have disagreements in front of the

children. We don't get along as it is, and it's not helping that we have

totally different views on rules and punishments, etc. But I like for my

kids to have some freedoms. For example, this morning my six-year-old son,

Robin, asked if he could wear a long-sleeve shirt to school. I told him that

it was going to be very warm today and that he might not be comfortable, but

it was his decision. Sure enough, he came downstairs wearing a long-sleeve

shirt and shorts! He looked both adorable and silly, but he was proud that

he could make his own decision and pick out his own clothes. If his dad had

been there, you can bet that Robin wouldn't have been allowed out of the

house with the long-sleeve shirt on.

>

> Well, I'm rambling and have gotten off topic, but I wanted to expound on

the family dynamics that I have to work with. Thanks for everyone's

responses.