Re: Can you believe some people!

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you very much, it was very sweet of you to reply. That is how my

parents have always been, and I shouldn't expect anything different from them

now.

When found out I was pregnant with my son all my mom said was " Your no more

pregnant than I am " nothing nice, nothing supportive, nothing but

negativity...but they can still leave me with my mouth hanging open!.I have

been married for 15 years and I still to this day have never recieved a kind

or good word from them, as a matter of fact I am not sure they know I have

feelings! lol

The weird thing is we are suppose to be very close, my mom and I talk at

least 5 times a day..I just don't think they know how to show support or

compassion.

I hope I haven't gotton off the topic to much...sorry

Thank you

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

Dat,

Hey have fun and float in the ocean (if it's warm enough) for all of us!

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

Mindy, that's a really horrible spot to be in. Yes, I and most of us

have stories along these lines. This is a good place to come and let off

steam.

Try to let the insensitive, controlling statements pass by you, although

I know, if they are coming from your parents, that is very hard to do.

I still haven't figured out why others, especially those very close to

use, can't seem to let us live our own lives and make our own choices

(although you don't necessarily have to be ill to be faced with that

problem, LOL!). If they can't understand why we aren't feeling good or

why we have had

to change the way we live day to day or can't find a way to be genuinely

supportive, at least they shouldn't make things worse by meddling or

saying something hurtful. Don't get me started!!

Good luck with your folks. I hope they can come to understand what you

are going through and respond compassionately.

[ ] Can you believe some people!

> Hi everyone,

> I need to vent about my parents....

> I was talking to my dad on the phone last night and he asked me what

> I had been doing all day, I told him just working around the house

> and taking care of things and just casually said my hands and fingers

> had really been hurting and was tired so it was taking me a little

> longer. Keep in mind I had been saying how bad I have been feeling

> for a few months and not one of them cared or paid attention until my

> son spent the night with them and I hurt so bad my husband had to

> pick him up, well, my mom just had a fit! She called me up wanted to

> know what my problem was and didn't I know my husband worked and if

> this kept up he would end up leaving me. My husband has never said

> any such thing. My point is she for one never paid one bit of

> attention to me but when my husband told her why I didn't come all

> the sudden I wasn't being perfect and taking care of everything the

> way she thought it should be done, then they want to know why I

> haven't gone to the Dr. Well, then my dad goes into this bit about

> how house work doesn't take that long...this huge tiraid you know

> when you can't say anything because they are damn sure letting you

> know what they think. Then he said, do you know what I mean...I said

> the only thing I know is you are beng an asshole. I don't speak to my

> parents that way but he really upset me. Well, he went into another

> speech about why he wasn't being an asshole and I just thanked him

> for his concern and said goodnight. Man they just really upset me.

> Has anyone else ever had this treatment from their close relatives?

> I never have had support from them, let alone any real concern about

> myself...as long as I am doing what they want and what everyone else

> wants.I don't know, I guess it would just be nice to have some

> compassion from them for once instead of being nagged all the time.

> Sorry about this venting but I just had to get it out, lest I say

> something really bad to them...wouldn't want that now would we...lol.

> Thanks for the ears everyone.

> Hugs,

> Mindy

[Guest guest]

Yes Mindy I can believe some people..........I have an almost 21 yr old dtr

and she gives me hell every time I want to park in disabled when we are

out..........This girl has been around through the worst of all this and she

just doesnt get it ......MOm should always be able to be like she was before

RA, FMS, UCTD....and this girl has been tested a lot over the yrs for immune

disorders..at 16 her knees started popping and she has trouble with one hip

cos the muscle is too short around it ......the dr looked at my history and

tested her .....she finally quit playing soccer (out grew the league)and has

been told to not get a job where she has to be on her feet all the time...

and then there is my mother who is 70 and walks 5 miles 2-3 times a

day......and cant comprehend the pain at times we have . Thank God she is in

Florida now.(she lived in upstate NY till June)..I dont even like talking to

her on the phone any more cos she says so what have you been doing? Well, my

life is not exactly something to write home about..I feel great if I get done

with things around the house....I try to go to mall 2-3 times a week to

walk.........and I shop sometimes .....

I feel for you.....sometimes you just have to hold your tongue and let it

roll off you....let them walk a day in your shoes(and make it one of your bad

days!)and then let them see how they like it..........dont feel bad this

place is good for venting and I think most of us have had similar situations

.. Always, Judy in AZ

[Guest guest]

hey mindy, are we related??? my dad still has a hard time with my disability.

i guess he feels i " gave up " too early. i would be in a flare, he would walk

in the house, shake his head and say....i see a pattern here....you are going

to lose your job. i wasn't disabled in his eyes until he brought me home with

22 staples in my ankle in a cast. then i was disabled in his eyes and even

commented on it. he was here when they brought home my effects from my desk.

i was sad and i cried. he said you knew this would happen when you applied

for disability. (that doesn't mean that it makes me happy to be disabled at

42) he always has something to say. my mom is a little better, since she has

alot of back pain herself. they help me alot, financially and otherwise

since i am a widow but i have always felt a disappointment to them. don't

worry about venting. i have vented about my family many times here. kathy in

il

[Guest guest]

& Mindy,

Guess we have all " been there " . My parents have no idea of the pain and

really believe that my knee replacement and soon to be hip replacement are

elective. After all everyone has pain and they live with it-why can't I.

I am going no-mail for 10 days-off to Disney World-with a rented scooter-

hubby and 4 of 5 kids!

Mindy, you do better than me. I don't clean at all- have a cleaning lady

every other week and helpful although grumbly children and husband.

dat2352@...

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersfarm/index.html

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersdairygoats/index.html

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekraft/index.html

[Guest guest]

Mindy,

No floating just Mickying! But thanks

dat2352@...

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersfarm/index.html

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekrittersdairygoats/index.html

http://www.homestead.com/kuddlekraft/index.html

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

My goodness, I am so sorry, you have really had it rough. I think unless

people experience the pain themselves they just don't have any idea. If they

can't see it for themselves, if you don't have a " Band-Aid " on it, it doesn't

exist.

I hope that things are going better now.

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

Hi Judy,

I feel your pain. I am terrified to go to the Dr. tomorrow, I know it will

take awhile for a diagnosis but I am very apprehensive about letting my

parents know anything...and they are always in my business so I know I

eventually won't be able to get around it.

I have always been the good girl, their daughter that is " suppose " to be

perfect, well, this just ruins it.I think they are upset that I didn't go

back to work this school year, I was a Multi-handicap assistant...I loved it

but my back was killing me and we had some pretty violent children that at

times needed to be restrained, there was one little boy who even got off the

bus and pulled a gun on one assistant...he was only 7, can you believe it. On

the right medication and lots of smiles and hugs he has gotten better but

still has his bad days...wooo...it makes me tired remembering it! Even then I

knew there was something more going on, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I told one of my friends yesterday that I had a Dr. apt. on Thursday and she

had the nerve to say what's wrong now!!! I have never even told her about any

of this...and then she had the nerve to want sympathy from me when she told

me she thought she had Chronic fatigue...of course I gave it to her but

people really need to pick and choose their words and the tone they use a

little more carefully.

I guess that is why this support group is here...at least we understand each

other and I thank God I found all of you.

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

Hi sheri,

I hope your feeling much better soon. Thank you for responding. I really feel

nervous today, I keep trying to talk myself out of this pain and

fatigue...not too much luck yet.

I am afraid of how my parents will treat me, if this is RA, it isn't going to

go away and I am not sure how I can deal with that plus have my parents treat

me bad.I have always sought their approval had to be the best in everything I

did, any sport, anything, I still never got a good job just hateful looks if

I made a mistake and was only second best. I know I am still trying to seek

their approval, even at 34 years of age, part of me knows I will never get it

but I guess the child in me still wants just one ' HEY ,YOU DID GOOD " and if

this is RA, i will never get it. Man I am really having myself a pity party

lately. I just feel like crying because their is so much I want to do and I

don't know what the future holds...no one does but ..I just wish this weren't

happening. I know we all feel this way and if it is RA I know I will have to

accept it, move on and make the best of it.

Thanks, feel better soon

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

it is very hard to accept mindy. you just need to do what is right for you

and your health. one day i said i felt bad sitting at home on disability,

when some that are much worse than me are out there working. that day my

spine was bending. it was very upsetting. the following 2 days were spent in

misery with muscle spasms throughout my organs surrounding the rib cage. i

was having a very good run of " good days " before this episode. now i've got

to hope for some more. kathy in il

[Guest guest]

Good Morning Mindy,

You need to excuse me today still not up to my old

self yet. I did want to write you back and let you

know yes I know how you feel. For more years now than

I want to count I have been your black sheep of the

family. As soon as my brother passed away, who had

that position some one had to take it and it was me.

I could never be that perfect child my sister is, or

have all the things in the world she wants, two very

smart children and never a divorce.

I tell you all this so you know you aren't alone but I

also took the advise of my friends, which took a time

to sink in. If my dad really upsets me just say you

have to go, take a few and write a note to him. I

never was mean in my notes but got my point to him and

he had to read them, instead of words he doesn't

listen to. Also as upset as he would make me forget

it. Which is hard, but I wasted so many years and

energy just being upset. I want to take that energy

and place it in my life. Like I told him just a few

months back in a letter I sent him, sure children want

their parents approval but I am not going to get it

and it's not an issue anymore. The only approval I

need is my own and my hp, and all else falls into

place.

Just know you aren't alone, and our love and prayers

are with, Sheri

--- mindy77_2000 <BYORKFAMILY@...> wrote:

> Hi everyone,

> I need to vent about my parents....

> I was talking to my dad on the phone last night and

> he asked me what

> I had been doing all day, I told him just working

> around the house

> and taking care of things and just casually said my

> hands and fingers

> had really been hurting and was tired so it was

> taking me a little

> longer. Keep in mind I had been saying how bad I

> have been feeling

> for a few months and not one of them cared or paid

> attention until my

> son spent the night with them and I hurt so bad my

> husband had to

> pick him up, well, my mom just had a fit! She called

> me up wanted to

> know what my problem was and didn't I know my

> husband worked and if

> this kept up he would end up leaving me. My husband

> has never said

> any such thing. My point is she for one never paid

> one bit of

> attention to me but when my husband told her why I

> didn't come all

> the sudden I wasn't being perfect and taking care of

> everything the

> way she thought it should be done, then they want to

> know why I

> haven't gone to the Dr. Well, then my dad goes into

> this bit about

> how house work doesn't take that long...this huge

> tiraid you know

> when you can't say anything because they are damn

> sure letting you

> know what they think. Then he said, do you know what

> I mean...I said

> the only thing I know is you are beng an asshole. I

> don't speak to my

> parents that way but he really upset me. Well, he

> went into another

> speech about why he wasn't being an asshole and I

> just thanked him

> for his concern and said goodnight. Man they just

> really upset me.

> Has anyone else ever had this treatment from their

> close relatives?

> I never have had support from them, let alone any

> real concern about

> myself...as long as I am doing what they want and

> what everyone else

> wants.I don't know, I guess it would just be nice to

> have some

> compassion from them for once instead of being

> nagged all the time.

> Sorry about this venting but I just had to get it

> out, lest I say

> something really bad to them...wouldn't want that

> now would we...lol.

> Thanks for the ears everyone.

> Hugs,

> Mindy

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Suzanne,

Thank you so much. All of you have been so kind to me.I really don't have any

relatives except my parents that live close to me, I " usually " try not to

talk with my friends about what's going on with me...as you can see why...I

am usually their sounding board...and with all that said I guess that is why

I came here.

My husband wouldn't let me miss this apt. He would be sooooo mad...he wanted

to see my list and make sure I put everything on ...he said he would ad to it

like a grocery list...needless to say he didn't get to see it!

I guess I am afraid...like I have heard many of you say that the Dr. might

think I am nuts...and I try to say...this is all in my head...you know the

things we try to do to justify the pain...it really isn't there! lol...if

only

Oh, goodness....pray I just tell her and I don't become a chicken...even if I

sound like I am whacky...

Again Thank you, I thank all of you, I don't know how I would have gotten

through the last week or so with out you all

Hugs,

Mindy

[Guest guest]

Mindy,

I am , I am a part of this group because my 12 yr old son has Systmatic

JRA. He was dx when he was 4yrs old with the JRA and with the lung problems

at age 6. He is a great kid. He is smart and very cute.

I don't see how any part can't understand their childs pain. When hurts

it hurts me. He just had surgery on his club foot for the second time in his

life. That came out wonderful. He then fell and broke his collar bone.

Snapped the bone right in two. He sees the ortho dr today. He is having

trouble with his back due to the broken bone.

Anyway my point to your statement " Can you believe some people " . In 1999 we

moved from Fl to mobile Alabama. When started school it was a mess.

They sent me letters saying i had to go to the early turany program at the

court house, because he missed so much school. Mind you I have never had a

trouble with any other school that he has gone to. They told me they didn't

identify as being disabled, even with me showing them the letters from

SSI stating that he was a disabled child. I got that taken care of and then

they went after me for 2 other of my kids who also have cronic health

problems. Not to the extent as 's but it would cause them to miss school

more then 10 days a year. They charged me with 2 counts of Contributing to

the delquency of a minor. I went to court and the judge put me on 6 months

good behavior. He told me I had to again show proof that my kids had cronic

health problems. I did and gave the letters to the attendance office in the

prinables office at the Elem. school. When i had to go back after my 6 months

good behavior the judge asked if I gave the school board these letters. I

said yes I did. The lady from the school board said she didn't have them. I

then told her and the judge that I had the orginal letters would they like to

see them. I won that case. I also had to hire a lawyer so that could

get and IEP and 504 plan. The school would not give jesse the help he needed.

The lawyer kicked but. is now in middle school and I thought we were

done with all that crap since he had been is the school system for 3 yrs.

Last week I got a letter from the school board saying I had to go to the

early truancy program again. I went to the lawyer again and he again is

sueing the school on 's behalf. He said since school started in august

he has had 10 complaints against 's school. There is at least 10 middle

schools in this county. He said that the princ. of 's school wants all

disabled kids out of her school. I told him that would make since why the

school keeps pressuring me to home school . He said this princ. is going

to lose her job cause she keeps breaking the law. Get this, her husband is a

circuit court judge for mobile county! The lawyer says he wants me to go to

the early truancy program cause the DA will be there and he wants me to bring

all 's medical papers and such and bring and tell the DA what has

been going on so the DA will be alerted that if he sees my name come up again

that they can deal with it.

Everyone in my family is supportive and understanding to . My 4 other

kids also are very supportive of . My boyfriend and his family are the

best. My ex husband has come around now that his family isn't in my business

anymore. His mother is also coming around where is concerned. She use

to say that I made sick. Long story. I finally was able to get my ex

husband to understand that I didn't give a damn what his family said or

thought anymore that I was going to do everything I could to help . He

finally understood that his actions and his families actions are what caused

our marriage to fail as well as his and their drinking problems. It took me

moving out of state again for him to realize that he needed to set his

priorites differently. Now he and I are great friends and I still don't give

a damn what his family thinks or says. I know that I have done everything

that I could for my child. I don't work so that I can be home when ever they

need me. My boyfriend also supports that. Actully he insisted. His parents

are so wonderful. They love my kids like they were their own grandchildren

and when my kids introduce them to their friends they always say this is

and Walter my grandma and grandpa. They just beam when they hear that.

My mom is great. My grandparents are supportive as well.

When it comes to the school messing with me and everyone I know becomes

very angry. Walter and will be going with me to the Truancy program

next week and this should be very interesting cause Walter will speak his

mind.

This has gotten a lot longer then I expected. Iam sorry. The point is you can

only do what you can do. If they choose not to understand don't beat yourself

up about it. You have done what you could to to help them understand. Getting

upset about it even though it hurts like hell is only going to do you more

damage. One other thing is that you don't have to listen to your parents

harping at you. I personally have told people that they know what the problem

is and if you can't be supportive and understanding that I don't need to talk

to them about it. I have also told children and parents that if they didn't

want to understand that jesse and I had better things to do then try to

convince them. Life is to hard and short to worry about all this. Worry

causes stress and stress is a big trigger to many health problems including

flares and migraines. flares and I get the migraines. lol.

I wish you luck and sure hope you feel better soon.

[Guest guest]

mindy, i hope you have a good doctor that will take the time to listen. they

can't help you, if they don't know. good luck. i'm kinda nervous today too.

starting water therapy, people, locker rooms, bathing suits. gulp!!!! kathy

in il : )

[Guest guest]

Hi Mindy,

Please don't be scared to go to your appointment!! It's far worse living in

limbo than knowing what is wrong and how to deal with it!!

I'm so sorry you have a family that isn't providing the support you need.

Unfortunately, dysfunctional families are not unusual. Please surround

yourself with positive reinforcers, friends, net friends, aunts, uncles,

siblings, neighbors, whoever they might be. It's mystifying why people

close to you would be trying to drag you down and make things worse for you.

And isn't it typical for someone to want to tell you what is wrong with them

instead of commiserating and listening to you!

Keeping yourself upbeat, and not falling into the contrary wishes of others

around you, is really important. Stress and unhappiness can really make you

feel worse. So vent away, we'll be here. And we're anxious to know how your

appointment went!

Suzanne

Re: [ ] Can you believe some people!

> Hi Judy,

> I feel your pain. I am terrified to go to the Dr. tomorrow, I know it will

> take awhile for a diagnosis but I am very apprehensive about letting my

> parents know anything...and they are always in my business so I know I

> eventually won't be able to get around it.

> I have always been the good girl, their daughter that is " suppose " to be

> perfect, well, this just ruins it.I think they are upset that I didn't go

> back to work this school year, I was a Multi-handicap assistant...I loved

it

> but my back was killing me and we had some pretty violent children that at

> times needed to be restrained, there was one little boy who even got off

the

> bus and pulled a gun on one assistant...he was only 7, can you believe it.

On

> the right medication and lots of smiles and hugs he has gotten better but

> still has his bad days...wooo...it makes me tired remembering it! Even

then I

> knew there was something more going on, I just couldn't put my finger on

it.

> I told one of my friends yesterday that I had a Dr. apt. on Thursday and

she

> had the nerve to say what's wrong now!!! I have never even told her about

any

> of this...and then she had the nerve to want sympathy from me when she

told

> me she thought she had Chronic fatigue...of course I gave it to her but

> people really need to pick and choose their words and the tone they use a

> little more carefully.

> I guess that is why this support group is here...at least we understand

each

> other and I thank God I found all of you.

> Hugs,

> Mindy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My goodness, you do have your hands full. I am so glad your parents and

relatives help you, what I am sorry about is how your principal is treating

you. The unfortunate part about that is it happens a lot. I was..untill this

school year a M.H assistant and if there were any assemblies...and our group

was invited they had better not make a sound....as a matter of fact she has

stopped assemblies and told us we would have to take a child out...he didn't

seem to be bothering anyone but her. No, they think they belong in a special

school and it just interferes with the regular kids...and it takes up class

rooms that could be used for more regular kids classes. You keep fighting for

your kids...and it will even help for those that come after you...it is

definitely a worthy and valiant cause.

Good luck with your children and please keep us updated.

Hugs,

Mindy