THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD

February 9, 2002

THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT

OUT IN THE REAL WORLD.

* A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If

it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves

and shouldn't, use the tape.

* Any and all compliments can be handled by simply

saying " Thank you " though it helps if you say it with

a Southern accent.

* Some people are working backstage, some are playing in

the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in

the audience as critics, some are there to applaud.

Know who and where you are.

* Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

* Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

* When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's

easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

* If he says that you are too good for him ... believe it.

* I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will

this matter one year from now? How about one month?

One week? One day?

* Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

* If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have

another chance!

* Living well really is the best revenge.

* Be really nice to your friends and family because you

never know when you are going to need them to empty

your bed pan and hold your hand.

* Work is good but it's not important.

* Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.

* You are the only person who can truly make you happy.

* And finally.. Being happy doesn't mean everything's

perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond

the imperfections

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