Re: reassurance questions - and others(was re: Just right feeling)

[Guest guest]

Joni,

As usual, a wonderful, informative peek into the mind of a kid with

OCD. The ending is so heart-wrentching.

never seems to need a " just right " answer, he just wants an

answer. I't is amazing that he still tries to get me involved even

though I have been disengaging for quite awhile now and he knows that

I don't " talk to OCD " . Disengaging continually is also exhausting,

especially when you have been a stay-at-home, always there to talk

kind of mom.

BTW, if you need any more exposure therapy, send here.

(at 15) DID pass a kidney stone (and one more one the way) and Jeff

found a worm in his rice several days ago!!!!!!!! :-)

Melinda S.

Dallas

> In a message dated 8/3/01 9:05:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> LexyORourke@A... writes:

>

>

> > He also appears to have this during verbal exchanges. He will

> > ask a question and if I don't answer it just right he will

> > explode " It's too late, you didn't say it right, you ruined it,

now I

> > can't talk to you " . He appears to think that I know what he is

> > thinking and has a reply all set in his head. I say the wrong

thing

> > and it's all over. This is extremely difficult because I don't

see

> > it coming. It pops up at any time. Has anyone else seen this

type

> > of behavior?

> > Thanks for any input!

> > O

> >

>

> You betcha. (10), started asking me reassurance questions

when he was

> 5yo. They started like this (out of the blue): " Mom, do you love

me? You

> love me, right? " It broke my heart !!!!!! I kept answering (which

was a

> MISTAKE) - 'Of course I love you!!! How can you ask me such a

thing?'

> Then, it started over again for another 20 minutes!!

>

> At age 6, it was: 'Does my spaghetti have snakes and worms in it?

Are you

> sure? Look again. Is that a snake? (panic) Is that a worm?

(more panic) "

> My reply: " What? No your food doesn't have snakes and worms in

it!!! " He'd

> ask again and again. Naturally, I was screaming at this point: " NO

YOUR FOOD

> HAS NO WORMS OR SNAKES IN IT!! GEEEZ. YES I'M SURE. I ALREADY

TOLD YOU, NO

> I don't see any WORMS! I DON'T NORMALLY FEED YOU SNAKES AND WORMS.

WHAT KIND

> OF MOTHER WOULD DO THAT? " (Another mistake- I was taking these

questions

> PERSONALLY, instead of seeing them as a chemical imbalance and

completely

> irrational).

>

> age 7: (*one* cloud passes overhead) " Are we gonna get a

tornado?

> How do you know? What if we get a tornado? It's going to kill

me. OMG!!!

> (panic) We're getting a tornado!! Mommmmm.... are we going to get

a tornado? "

>

> Me: You know we don't live in the midwest--- Virginia NEVER gets

tornados.

> It's just a CLOUD, . One fluffy CLOUD!!! It's beautiful, not

bad.

> Nothing bad is going to happen. "

>

> : " Are we gonna get a tornado? How do you know? What if we

get a

> tornado? Mommmmm.... are we going to get a tornado? ANSWER THE

QUESTION and

> say 'No' Now say 'No we're not going to get a tornado.'

Then, tell

> me NEVER NEVER, not ever ok?? "

> (the beginning of the 'perfect question answered with the PERFECT

answer'

> routine/ritual)

>

> Me: Ok -- No, No we're not going to get a tornado. Never,

Never, not

> EVER.

> (by this time, I was ready to FIND a tornado and make him EAT

it. But, I

> also knew by this point that something was very WRONG with my son

and he

> wasn't intentionally doing this to me....

>

> Age 8: Am I gonna throw up? Am I, I, (insert cuss words because

he didn't

> ask the question PERFECTLY). Wait (breathing) Ok, I'm ready: Am

I gonna

> throw up? Am I? ANSWER THE QUESTION MOM "

> Me: , how many times do I need to tell you that you aren't

going to

> throw up?

> : (angry) I SAID TO ANSWER IT LIKE THIS: 'No, You're NEVER

going to

> throw up. Not EVER.' Say it mom. Say it exactly like that.

Nowwwwww look

> what you made me do!!! I have to do the whole $$ & ^#!!@@ question

over again,

> thanks to YOU, Mom.... " (because the question was 'ruined,' he

tries to

> repeat it exactly like he said it before, and he ususally can't

remember how

> it went, exactly, so he gets REALLY mad !!!!! Explosive, even.

Objects

> begin to be thrown around the room.... usually in MY direction.

>

> Fast forward to age 10: " Am I going to get diabetes? Kidney

stones? Get

> poisoned? Did you just poison my milk? Wait, don't make my cereal

until I

> stand WITH you and watch you make it. (I hand him his cereal) Did

you

> poison this? Answer the question!!!! Did you put poison in my

cereal? Are

> you mad at me? If you're mad at me, then you will poison me,

right?

> Nevermind, you WONT poison me right? That's OCD, RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? "

>

> Me: Like I've told you 100 times, I'll answer OCD once and only

ONCE.

> Decide what question is the MOST important, and I'll answer it ONE

TIME.

>

> : Ok, did you poison me, Mom?

> Me: No

> : I hate OCD.

> Me: Me too.

>

> Joni

[Guest guest]

Great progress, Joni!

Jackie