Off Topic - Let's Laugh Everyone

[Guest guest]

o TODAY'S LAUGH: " IS SOMETHING WRONG? "

A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his neighbor came out of

the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it

shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her

house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, slammed it shut.

Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge

the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then

slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked

her, " Is something wrong? " To which she replied, " There certainly is! My

stupid computer keeps saying, " YOU'VE GOT MAIL! "

--- submitted by Monelle Aumont

o TODAY'S LAUGH: LET'S MAKE DEAL

A millionaire threw a magnificent party for his many friends. Only one thing

was bothering everyone, his very large pool was filled with alligators.

Towards the end of the evening he stood before a podium and announced to his

guests, " The first person that swims across this here pool will get a

million dollars! " He then stepped back and waited for a response. No one

responded, so he made another offer " I'll give the first person a million

dollars and my mansion. " Once again he stepped back and waited. Finally he

said, " I'll give you a million dollars, my mansion, and a choice between my

Corvette or Lamborghini " . Suddenly he heard a splash, turned to see a man

swimming across the pool hitting one alligator up side the head, wrestling

one after the other. With lots of luck the man reached the other end of the

pool, he climbed out at the millionaire's feet. The millionaire

congratulated him and invited him up to his office to receive his awards.

When they got to his office the millionaire asked, " what do you want, the

Corvette or Lamborghini? " The man replied ... " I want the jerk that pushed

me into the pool!! "

-- submitted by Deborah Reckart

o TODAY'S LAUGH: GRACIOUSLY MANNERED

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at

4:30 a.m. by his ringing telephone. " Your dog's barking, and it's keeping

me awake, " said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller, and checked the

caller I.D. for which neighbor had called. The next morning at precisely

4:30 a.m. Bernard called his neighbor back. " Good morning, Mr. .

Just called to say that I do not have a dog. "

-- submitted by P. Norris

o TODAY'S LAUGH: BIG MAN IN A SMALL TOWN

Joe graduated from Law School and decided to open up his own practice in his

hometown. The first day the practice opened, Joe saw a man walking towards

his office. He decided he was going to make a big impression. Joe picked up

the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. " No. Absolutely

not, you tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for

less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case

next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my

team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next

week to discuss the details. " This went on for almost five minutes. Finally,

Joe hung up the phone and turned to the man. " Sorry for the delay, as you

can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you? " The man replied, " I'm from

the phone company. I came to hook up your phone. "

-- submitted by Hodgson

o TODAY'S LAUGH: JACKPOT!

An old lady was at a casino. She walked up to a slot machine, put in $1.00

and lost. She then went to play blackjack, bet $5.00 and lost. Then, she

went to a soda machine, put in $0.50 and a drink came out She kept doing it.

Finally the owner walked over to her and said , " Um... Mam- " She replied,

" Shut up, can't you tell I am winning?! "

-- submitted by McCarty