Re: Sorry I need to vent

April 5, 2002

<<And it is to bad

<<some in this society looks at the things you have and

<<the amount of $1.00 bills you saved instead of what

<<you have done for others free out of our own heart.

<<Hey I really thank you all for being here, and my love

<<and prayers are with you all, Sheri

Hi Sheri,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in pain, and then have the additional

stress of your family situation. I am in a flare right now, and I know that

coping with anything stressful in addition to the pain is just too much!

I think that it's a shame about the value our society puts on financial

success, as well. Our business has picked up in the past few years, and I'm

amazed at the difference in the way people treat you based on the car you

drive, the clothes/jewelry you wear, etc. I noticed the same thing when I

went from a size 16 to a size 4 about five years ago. Now I have gained 30

lbs of the weight back, and I feel more self conscious knowing what

ridiculous values are important to people. I think that adopting a special

needs child is such an admirable thing, and I know our Father in heaven is

looking down on you and feeling pride. I try to do charitable projects and

what I can to help friends in need, and I think we all have to pick what our

priorities are and just not worry about the rest.

Although easier said than done, if I were you I would just feel good in my

heart knowing I'm doing what I need to be doing.

Hope you feel better soon!

Carol in FL

__________________________________________________

April 5, 2002

ahhhh the holidays and houseguests!!! don't worry about venting. my family

makes me feel like the black sheep too sometimes. they always try to help but

sometimes boy do i pay the price. seems like it's been awhile but my parents

are in florida now and will be back in july. i'm sure my time is comming!!!

kathy in il

April 5, 2002

Dearest Sheri...Our families seem similar. : ( I'm sorry. Please know

you're in my heart & in my prayers.

Tess

April 5, 2002

Sheri,

I hope one day they see how special you are for who you are. They

probably have no idea of your daily struggles with this disease, but we

all know how strong of a person it makes you. You are very special

for adopting a handicapped child. It is hard to be compared to a sibling,

but I'm sure your parents THINK they are helping. I hope you can find

some enjoyment in their short visit. Maybe one day they will realize

how special you are and how strong you are!

Hugs,

a

[ ] Sorry I need to vent

Good Morning,

Here I go again. I have been in so much pain the last

few days, hard to do anything. But I am also just a

total wreck.

This is awful but, my sister and husband are here for

a few days with my dad and step mother and I know they

will try to give me 30 sec of their time before the go

back home to Boston.

I don't want to talk to them, see them or have

anything to do with them.

I had enough trouble trying to pick myself up and keep

going after my daughter and I spent 1 hour and a half

at my dad's on Easter. It all started again with Sher

being the black sheep of the family and how great my

sister is and her husband of 30 years and their 2

great kids.

All you hear is how successful they are and what an

ass if you will I am. And you hear again how they

will do this and that and may be see me for a second.

And to hear the negatives from 4 people I am not in

the mood.

I certainly don't want people to feel sorry for me but

I could be treated like an equal. God help me for

divorcing an alcoholic, for adopting a child that is

mentally handicap and takes up your time. And sure

when I was born I asked for all these defects for me,

we all want that!!!

Why am I writing this I am not sure. But I will ask

you all for the prayers as I will do so myself for the

strength to keep my mouth closed. And it is to bad

some in this society looks at the things you have and

the amount of $1.00 bills you saved instead of what

you have done for others free out of our own heart.

Hey I really thank you all for being here, and my love

and prayers are with you all, Sheri

__________________________________________________

April 6, 2002

Feel better Sherri,

Your story is shared by many. There's always one child who feels like you

do. And we all have siblings that seem more respected, better loved,

admired, whatever. And it's hard not to drown in self pity. People can be

so cruel. And it's not always easy to tell if it is intentional or not.

Shrug them off, I know it's hard, but try.You've shown your strong, able to

separate yourself from a destructive relationship. And you are to be admired

for adopting and loving a child with a mental handicap. I think we all want

to believe that " perfect " relationships exist, so that we might have the

hope of finding one for ourselves. More than likely, there are many thorns

in this " perfect " relationship you describe of your sister, her husband and

their 2 " perfect " children.

Be proud, be strong, and go your own way. Comparing yourself to others is

nothing but a road to nowhere. I stuggle daily with many of your issues, we

all do. Having a life changing disease doesn't help matters either.

Especially when you are in pain and depressed because the pain casts a pall

over everything.

It sounds like you have managed to get some physical distance from your

family. That should make things somewhat easier. Just forge on with your own

life, your own friends, and try to stop seeing yourself as you think they

see you! I know how that part works cos' I had that problem my whole life.

Although money certainly seems to make life easier, leading a life of

actions that you can be proud of will certainly mean more in the end.

Keep your chin up, and vent all you like!

Suzanne

> Good Morning,

> Here I go again. I have been in so much pain the last

> few days, hard to do anything. But I am also just a

> total wreck.

> This is awful but, my sister and husband are here for

> a few days with my dad and step mother and I know they

> will try to give me 30 sec of their time before the go

> back home to Boston.

> I don't want to talk to them, see them or have

> anything to do with them.

> I had enough trouble trying to pick myself up and keep

> going after my daughter and I spent 1 hour and a half

> at my dad's on Easter. It all started again with Sher

> being the black sheep of the family and how great my

> sister is and her husband of 30 years and their 2

> great kids.

> All you hear is how successful they are and what an

> ass if you will I am. And you hear again how they

> will do this and that and may be see me for a second.

> And to hear the negatives from 4 people I am not in

> the mood.

> I certainly don't want people to feel sorry for me but

> I could be treated like an equal. God help me for

> divorcing an alcoholic, for adopting a child that is

> mentally handicap and takes up your time. And sure

> when I was born I asked for all these defects for me,

> we all want that!!!

> Why am I writing this I am not sure. But I will ask

> you all for the prayers as I will do so myself for the

> strength to keep my mouth closed. And it is to bad

> some in this society looks at the things you have and

> the amount of $1.00 bills you saved instead of what

> you have done for others free out of our own heart.

> Hey I really thank you all for being here, and my love

> and prayers are with you all, Sheri

>

> __________________________________________________

>

April 7, 2002

Hi Sheri,

I don't think that I know any one who has a normal family. Mine puts the fun

in dysfunctional. We fight and go for times with not talking. The only

advice that I can give is to stand up for yourself. You are just as

deserving of respect as any other person.(Maybe more) Don't let them walk

all over you or they will never stop doing it. They may be mad at first, but

later they will probably see the whole situation and be a little easier to

deal with. If not, who needs the aggravation of " family " who cannot take

their attention off of themselves to see the needs of someone else. Hang in

there. You have friends right here. I know its not the same. Sometimes its

better.

Hang in there

Stacey in PA

April 8, 2002

Hi everyone,

I've been reading the emails and just wanted to share some information that

really helped me. Before I found out about my RA, I was diagnosed with severe

depression (like the only reason I didn't kill myself was I didn't feel anyone

would be able to care for Roxie - my daughter who is disabled). I went to

counseling for it and one of the things that came out of it was how much I hated

my marriage. We agreed to marriage counseling and went to a Christian

counselor. One of the best things she did for me was to get me into a support

group dealing with co-dependency issues. Once I learned how I was enabling

Phil's and Robin's poor behavior and then learned how to stand up for myself and

hold them accountable, it made a vast difference in my life. Yes, I ended up

divorced because Phil was not willing to accept the change he saw in me and he

was not willing to accept responsibility for his own actions - but that was his

problem. I am a much happier person now. My family can't believe how much

happier I am and that is despite the fact that I have RA. Since then I have

also remarried - something I didn't think would ever happen after what I had

been through. It is very important that you accept yourself for who you are.

We may never please some people who are in our lives - that is their problem.

Surround yourself with people who value you. You may have to decrease contact

with people who would rather bring you down - that's ok. We must each take care

of ourselves.

P

linda@...

" For I am confident of this very thing,

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus "

Philippians 1:6

April 8, 2002

I couldn't agree with you more, . Sorry you had to go through all

of that pain, but it really sounds as if it was worth it. Great to hear

that you are so much happier.

Re: [ ] Sorry I need to vent

> Hi everyone,

> I've been reading the emails and just wanted to share some information

that really helped me. Before I found out about my RA, I was diagnosed

with severe depression (like the only reason I didn't kill myself was I

didn't feel anyone would be able to care for Roxie - my daughter who is

disabled). I went to counseling for it and one of the things that came

out of it was how much I hated my marriage. We agreed to marriage

counseling and went to a Christian counselor. One of the best things

she did for me was to get me into a support group dealing with

co-dependency issues. Once I learned how I was enabling Phil's and

Robin's poor behavior and then learned how to stand up for myself and

hold them accountable, it made a vast difference in my life. Yes, I

ended up divorced because Phil was not willing to accept the change he

saw in me and he was not willing to accept responsibility for his own

actions - but that was his problem. I am a much happier person now. My

family can't believe how much happier I am and that is despite the fact

that I have RA. Since then I have also remarried - something I didn't

think would ever happen after what I had been through. It is very

important that you accept yourself for who you are. We may never please

some people who are in our lives - that is their problem. Surround

yourself with people who value you. You may have to decrease contact

with people who would rather bring you down - that's ok. We must each

take care of ourselves.

>

> P

April 8, 2002

ok, i've gotta tell you guys. you've heard me complain about my family. well

i got an e-mail from my mom yesterday, i read it. all i could say was wow!!

she went throught many traumatic moments of my life and told me all the

positives i had done even with all i was going through. then she told me i

was one of the bravest persons she knew. she told me to put my fears aside

and fight for my life. of coarse my son had a friend over and here i am in

the bathroom crying my eyes out. i ha to print it as a reminder to myself. i

sure don't feel strong. still a couple hours before my dr's or atty's office

open. kathy in il

April 8, 2002

Kathy, what a wonderful gift from your Mom! Sometimes we don't see our own

strengths, and I'm glad to hear your Mom loves you so much to point them

out.

Now go and kick butt!