Subject: a lonely night

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It's wonderful that you managed to speak to your husband and that the doctor

seems good! I had the same fears when I was first diagnosed, I was 25 and

my husband was 26 and we had a very active lifestyle, I just couldn't

imagine how he would want to stay with " half of me " but he does, as a

says, because he loves me. And with the right treatment I'm still the full

me, just a little calmer. I'm sure that you'll get some relief after your

appointment with the Rheumatologist. I hope you've called and asked to be

put on the cancellation list. When is your appointment? In the meantime

try to look after yourself and don't beat yourself up about not living up to

other peoples " perfect " expectations of you, you are a good person with a

crummy disease that's all. I agree that you should take someone, probably

your husband is the best, to your appointment with the Rheumy. If he

doesn't want to and your family aren't keen maybe take a good friend. My

husband came with me to my first appointment and it helped both of us to

have him involved, he was terrified in the beginning and actually took it

harder than me. He was having visions of me in a wheelchair and our lives

being over, which is not the case at all. Try to educate your family about

your condition, there were some very good pamphlets from the Arthritis

Foundation in South Africa that I showed to my husband and father, they

explained the disease, different treatment options and how it could affect

the patient and family. I'm sure that you could get something similar from

your Rheumy or the Arthritis Foundation in the US. It helped them to

understand that this was a bona fide thing and I needed support. And don't

forget you always have us to listen when you need it, I know cyberears and

cyberhugs are not the same as tangible relatives or friends supporting you

but you do have a bunch of people thinking of you and praying that things

get better soon. You are not alone in this and we understand what you are

going through.

Sending you big hugs (((((((((squeeze)))))))))) and a smile :-) to get you

through the day.

Heidi

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I think we all feel that way at some point in our relationships. I often

tell Ron that this is not how it was supposed to go down. He is 12 years

older than I and I always thought that I would work longer than him and he

would just work part time until I was ready to retire at age 65 and then

travel. Now it looks like he will be working long after he turns 65 and then

some as he is the primary income provider at this time and we still have a 14

& 15 year old at home who need to go to college. When he is finally ready to

retire I don't know what shape I will be in and what shape he will be in, we

may have to go into assisted living. I cry quite often about this as I feel

it is my fault. Of course, him being out of work for nearly a year did not

help our finances any but the big things still revolve around my health and

what is next to come down the pike.

Usually he says it doesn't bother him as he knows I would do the same for him

if things were reversed, but I know that he does get awfully tired at times

and he doesn't do things the way that I would do them and unless I bite my

tongue, another argument ensues. It really is a viscous cycle. Thank God

for understanding spouses. He doesn't always get the game plan from the

doctor which causes more conflict, but once his engineer mind dan figure it

out, he is on the team. All in all I am a very fortunate lady.

Sorry this went on for so long. It is another night of really bad knee pain

so I thought I would FINALLY get caught up on my e-mail replies.

Gentle, tender, angel hugs,

Debs in FL