School Daze

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/20/2002 8:47:23 AM Eastern Standard Time,

Ltb3105@... writes:

> Just what in hell is going on at that school?

Hi ,

Can't you just go into a back door? I would try to sneak in what ever way I

could. look in a window etc. I know this sounds so crazy but I do understand

how you feel. What about spending sometime in the classroom although you

won't get a clear picture of the real day. may say something to you

during that time that you are in the classroom that you could ask about.

Follow your gut.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/20/02 12:40:49 PM Pacific Standard Time,

writes:

> The part I hate most about being an educated, concerned mother to a

> nonverbal child with autism and DS is that you have to rely on others for

> information--and once they find out you mean business, the stories change

> willy nilly.

>

> I don't have an answer for you besides this: ask for data. Ask for a

> video tape so you can help problem-solve. Or, if they're saying he's doing

> really well, ask for a video tape so you can all document what works (make

> them sound like wonderful people and that you want to be able to share

> their skills when there are problems in the future).

>

>

Joan, 's teacher called this afternoon before I left from work, and I

asked her that same thing. She said they were doing absolutely NOTHING

different......now, he's acting up during class, as before, he was acting up

during unstructured time, like lunch and recess. She said he was non

compliant even during the tasks he supposedly enjoys!

The FBA was there Monday during the " monster time " and she will also come in

later this week to watch him during PE, recess, etc. and report back with her

findings. I can only assume that was mad at me for being away. I told

the teacher to just brush off this week and see if it continues next

week....maybe a med change.......oh boy......here we go again.......

Will keep you posted,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/20/02 12:40:49 PM Pacific Standard Time,

writes:

> Lately I've taken to telling the professionals that I " m receiving

> conflicting information regarding this and that, and my primary goal at the

> moment is merely to determine an acurate picture of what is going on. That

> frustrates folks

This is EXACTLY what happened during my phone conversation with 's

teacher today! I told her he was a perfect angel at the group home and with

his caregiver! She asked me if that was the first time he'd been there and

that it was probably new and he acted ok. Told her, " nope, he's been there

before, nothing new " ...I heard the sigh in her voice, as though she was

looking for " other reasons " and not the fact that something's going on at

school! They just don't accept responsibility for anything that goes

wrong.....must be home, must be something different going on at home, etc.,

etc......

[Guest guest]

At 11:34 AM 2/20/2002 EST, you wrote:

>I love this. You gave me a good laugh. Although it is not funny at all. I

>feel everyone's frustration. Good advice Joan. Maybe I'll take a little of

>this advice myself.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that *we* must always take the

" high road " to make sense of it all. There isn't room to admit to how we

really feel about situaitons. This is just their *job*...it is our LIFE.

So, if you care about the outcome, you stay 500 miles away from emotion and

stick to the facts. In the end, it's all folks will listen to. Once you

become emotional or put any sort of emotion into things, you are

immediately discredited. It sucks.

I really do think they should get a taste of how they talk to and treat our

kids. One of the bets workshops I went to was one where we took turns

having to communicate ONLY with a communication board. the " partner " would

interrupt, finish my sentences, shut me down, and so on. It's very

enlightening.

j

[Guest guest]

At 04:19 PM 2/20/2002 EST, you wrote:

>week....maybe a med change.......oh boy......here we go again.......

>

I *highly* recommend that you NOT change any medications right now. Not

until you have filtered through more of the environmental stuff. While he

*may* need to have meds adjusted, you need to change only one thing at a

time to have an idea of what effects ecah thing.

FWIW,

j

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/21/02 12:39:02 AM Pacific Standard Time,

writes:

> Anyway do you have parents in 's class you can

> talk to?

Well, I don't see them, as I work part time and rides the bus every day

to and from school. If there's a meeting, I guess I can talk to them and see

what behaviors their kids have. Apparently from what I've gathered, there is

one other child who regularly acts up like .

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/21/02 12:39:02 AM Pacific Standard Time,

writes:

> I *highly* recommend that you NOT change any medications right now. Not

> until you have filtered through more of the environmental stuff. While he

> *may* need to have meds adjusted, you need to change only one thing at a

> time to have an idea of what effects ecah thing.

>

>

True, too many damned changes recently anyway. I hate when the teachers rely

on the med's to work and don't deal with the problems at hand. I told 's

teacher that we may *never* find a " magic med " and that we HAVE to start

dealing with the positive reinforcers NOW before they become habits and will

be harder to break as gets older.

Gee, to think I only have a HS education!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/21/02 8:54:34 AM Eastern Standard Time, Ltb3105@...

writes:

> If there's a meeting, I guess I can talk to them and see

> what behaviors their kids have.

,

Call the school and ask for their phone numbers? My kids' schools give

out a phone list at the beginning of each year. Call them on the phone.

Also, if I were you, I'd take a day off and pop in unexpectedly on 's

class. There's got to be a way you can peek at what's going on without them

knowing. Maddie's school has the same system where they alert staff that a

parent has entered (I found this out from Maddie's old teacher, who is back

at MM now and is still my spy), but I always enter through the gym and never

pass the secretary. They never know I'm coming.

Oh, and I hope at least that you had a good time in Vegas!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/20/02 4:59:19 PM US Eastern Standard Time,

Ltb3105@... writes:

<< She said he was non

compliant even during the tasks he supposedly enjoys! >>

,

My son has behavior difficulties at school too...they go up and down but here

in MI, it is always worse in the Dec, Jan, February months we believe due to

the grey and cold weather. One thing that those of us who support his

inclusion never let people say and i never now hear, is that he is

" non-compliant " or " manipulative " . If your special ed teacher uses those

terms, she is actually looking for " compliance " and personally, genreal ed

teachers don't use that term with my other children and I don't think spec ed

teachers should either. Second, a dear friend of mine has 15 years of

working with students with autism in inclusive settings and she says very,

very few children with autism are outright manipulative. She will

say... " don't even start thinking that " because it colors the way you deal

with a child and we DON't know, we can only guess about causes for behavior.

I only mention the motivation thing, not specifically to your situation, but

because i am sure others have heard this said on this list.

Last summer, and this sort of gets to the Lorianne thread, we tried a spec ed

autism classroom summer program for one day. That was how long it took for

me to pull Gene out of there and never consider that room again. WIthout

knowing him, the very first day, they sought " compliance " becasue he refused

to write. Despite all the info I had brought in and a PBS plan in place,

they chose to ignore it all, push their point, and place him in one of those

little cinder block rooms when he became too full of protest about writing.

I was astounded that this still happens..it is abuse plain and simple and it

is sad that so many parents allow it to happen in the name of compliance. I

would say the same of a Rifton chair. These people need to learn how to work

with children, not mold them into little compliant robots.

I am sorry if any of this offends anyone, but it is all so sad that our

children have so few avenues of expression and they depress them so. I

cannot even imagine what life must be like not to be able to make my point in

a verbal way.

Ah...one more thing. We are temporarily going up on Gene's Zoloft. My

friend who works wit kids with autism says that here is MI she truly believes

there is a seasonal difficulty and that many kids behavior worsens in the

winter. I am going to go up a bit and then slowly go down a bit when the

spring comes, the sun comes out and it gets warmer.

Lauri, Mom to Gene 13

Lauri in MI

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/21/02 10:19:53 AM Eastern Standard Time,

timothytlstein@... writes:

> I am sorry if any of this offends anyone, but it is all so sad that our

> children have so few avenues of expression and they depress them so. I

> cannot even imagine what life must be like not to be able to make my point

> in

> a verbal way.

Laurie,

We all said the same thing. No one is offended. We're only trying to

help. And what the heck is it with the cinderblock room??? I remember

saying to the woman at the school that I couldn't believe first of

all, that they had that, and second, that it was made of CINDERBLOCK!!! I

can't imagine a kid not needing stitches, or having a concussion, or worse!!!

Terrible!!!

Good luck with the zoloft. That winter theory makes sense to me!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/27/02 3:51:46 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

writes:

> They

> are certainly doing everything in their power to make Zeb out to be a real

> little monster.If sh wasn't on his speech goals maybe but besides the point

> I

> just can't stand the picking. He is so nervous he is getting his tics back

> and biting his nails that he has never done. I'm venting again today.

>

Char, that is ludicrous! They do this with too, quick to point out the

bad behaviors, and don't hesitate to really bring out the BAD stuff.

said shut up a lot and pointed his index finger at everyone....hehe..supposed

to be the middle finger, thank God his fine motor skills won't allow him to

do this correctly!!!

Tell them you know how Zeb can be, you don't need to be reminded everyday and

that they should include in their note at least ONE good thing Zeb has done

during the day. I did that, and it worked.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/27/2002 10:57:55 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Ltb3105@... writes:

> Tell them you know how Zeb can be, you don't need to be reminded everyday

> and

> that they should include in their note at least ONE good thing Zeb has done

> during the day. I did that, and it worked.

>

Hi ,

They call now. I don't get notes anymore so they can't be used for

documentation. Playing games with me but I do have daily communication book

and progress sheet in the IEP.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/27/2002 10:57:55 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Ltb3105@... writes:

> Tell them you know how Zeb can be, you don't need to be reminded everyday

> and

> that they should include in their note at least ONE good thing Zeb has done

> during the day. I did that, and it worked.

>

Hi ,

They call now. I don't get notes anymore so they can't be used for

documentation. Playing games with me but I do have daily communication book

and progress sheet in the IEP.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/27/02 10:52:23 PM Central Standard Time,

charlyne1121@... writes:

>

> Hi ,

> They call now. I don't get notes anymore so they can't be used for

> documentation. Playing games with me but I do have daily communication book

>

> and progress sheet in the IEP.

> Charlyne

> Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

>

>

>

Charlyne,

And you are documenting every phone call, correct?

Karyn

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/27/02 11:52:48 PM Eastern Standard Time,

charlyne1121@... writes:

> They call now. I don't get notes anymore so they can't be used for

> documentation.

Sneaky little devils!! Tape the phone calls Charlyne!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2002 11:38:18 AM Eastern Standard Time,

KVanRyzin@... writes:

> And you are documenting every phone call, correct?

>

Hi Karyn,

Yes, I am.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2002 2:27:27 PM Eastern Standard Time,

duffey48@... writes:

> Sneaky little devils!! Tape the phone calls

Hi donna,

Yes they are but taped phone calls are illegal and can't be used unless you

tell the person you are taping them. I need the the tape on the phone saying

your call may be monitored fro training purposes,LOL.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2002 2:38:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,

outerspace@... writes:

> OR ANOTHER IDEA. . .

> follow up the phone call with documentation.

> Send them a letter after each conversation such as,

> This letter is to confirm our conversation dated _______

> regarding______.etc, etc.

>

Hi Kathy,

If the phone call is critical I will certainly follow up with a letter just

to recap our conversation. I just get tired of all the games. I am very

upfront and direct. I think the school could afford me the same courtesy.I

expect to send Zeb to school to get a real education and certainly make them

accountable unlike many other parents in this town that are just grateful for

any little scrap. Do you think that is my problem,LOL

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/02 3:47:01 PM Eastern Standard Time,

charlyne1121@... writes:

> I need the the tape on the phone saying

> your call may be monitored fro training purposes,LOL.

> Charlyne

ROTFLOL Charlyne!!!! VERY funny!!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

OR ANOTHER IDEA. . .

follow up the phone call with documentation.

Send them a letter after each conversation such as,

This letter is to confirm our conversation dated _______

regarding______.etc, etc.

Send them a copy and you keep a copy and send everyone else

a copy who is involved if need be LOLOL

Kathy

Re: School Daze

In a message dated 3/27/02 11:52:48 PM Eastern Standard Time,

charlyne1121@... writes:

> They call now. I don't get notes anymore so they can't be used for

> documentation.

Sneaky little devils!! Tape the phone calls Charlyne!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

Heck No Charlyne!!!!

You are doing exactly what I think is the best route

I think you are doing a great job and I do respect you for that.

I understand how you feel about " the games " because I can certainly relate.

I too wish sometimes that more parents would be right behind me but sometimes

that is not the story. Remember when I had the problem with scott being in the

same

restroom as girls all together, all watching. . .I was disgusted!!

When I called other parents, they told me that they were happy just to have a

school

that accepted their child and as long as their child was happy they would not

complain.

Well, that is not good enough for me. I am the towns rebel rouser and I do not

owe any

school or school district a " thank-you " for letting me son attend . Like I

said,

we have so many things in common. . .

I'll always back you up!!!

It is what is in your heart that leads you in certain directions.

I'm right there behind you Charlyne!!!!!

Kathy

Re: School Daze

In a message dated 3/28/2002 2:38:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,

outerspace@... writes:

> OR ANOTHER IDEA. . .

> follow up the phone call with documentation.

> Send them a letter after each conversation such as,

> This letter is to confirm our conversation dated _______

> regarding______.etc, etc.

>

Hi Kathy,

If the phone call is critical I will certainly follow up with a letter just

to recap our conversation. I just get tired of all the games. I am very

upfront and direct. I think the school could afford me the same courtesy.I

expect to send Zeb to school to get a real education and certainly make them

accountable unlike many other parents in this town that are just grateful for

any little scrap. Do you think that is my problem,LOL

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2002 4:20:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,

outerspace@... writes:

> I am the towns rebel rouser and I do not owe any

> school or school district a " thank-you " for letting me son attend . Like I

> said,

> we have so many things in common. . .

Hi Kathy,

Boy, we are so very much alike!!! I think it may be a good thing that we live

3000 miles apart,lol.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 9 DS/OCD ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/17/02 7:09:12 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

writes:

> , was glad to see mom?!

Dawn, he held out his arms wide and yelled, " MOM!!!!!!! " It was the cutest

thing! This was first time I think BOTH Mommy and Daddy were gone at the

SAME TIME, well, at least, as much as he can realize it.

School tomorrow, can't wait to see how he does with the new teach!

[Guest guest]

At 08:07 PM 8/18/2002 EDT, you wrote:

>School tomorrow, can't wait to see how he does with the new teach!

For your sake, , I hope school is an amazingly changed situation full

of positive stuff that enjoys.

hugs,

j