Romance and Disability - My Friends in the Paper

January 19, 2008

My friends are in the newspaper...A cute article on seizing the

moment.

Alana

See:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/01/18/CMC1U1GIA.DTL

Iva Walton and Judy : Lust at first sight

by Louise Rafkin

Friday, January 18, 2008

It happened backstage, and it happened fast. In 1996, Judy , now

47, was performing in a Bay Area dance festival as a member of AXIS

Dance Company, a collaborative group of dancers with and without

disabilities. Iva Walton, now 48, was the production manager. " As

soon as I saw her, " says Judy, admiring Iva's 6-foot-plus stature, " I

thought, 'I want one of those.' "

Iva, too, was immediately drawn to Judy, whose charisma and sparkly

blue eyes are what one first notices, not her wheelchair. The two

women say sparks flew with word one. " After a single conversation, "

says Iva, " I knew I'd met the perfect person for me. " Two days later

Judy called for a " coffee date, " and even though the punctual Judy

notes that Iva was hours late to the rendezvous - " I was cleaning my

house, I wanted it perfect in case Judy came over! " Iva protests - by

the end of lunch they were ensconced in Judy's bedroom. Both were

done with dating, and realized the magic in their attraction was how

complete it felt: fire, passion and intellectual companionship. " Judy

moved me in a way that I had never been moved before, " says Iva.

They entered into a summer of bliss, though Iva's third-floor Mission

walk-up did pose a problem. After a few rounds of carrying Judy's

wheelchair up the stairs, followed by a second trip with Judy, the

two decided the wheelchair was extraneous. " We never got out of bed

anyway, " Iva says. The two played out the cliched joke about lesbian

merging: What do lesbians take on the second date? Answer: a U-Haul.

By the end of three months, they were settled in Judy's accessible

East Bay apartment.

Twelve years later, Judy, now artistic director of Axis, travels

three or four months of the year with Iva accompanying her as tour

assistant. They are often challenged by ignorance about disability;

people address conversation only to Iva, or sometimes assume she is

Judy's nurse. When home, they are slowly renovating a cute house in

the Fruitvale district of Oakland - luckily Iva is a tile contractor.

Judy just marked 30 years of being in a wheelchair, ever since

a " stupid teenage car trick. " She says the most remarkable thing

about their partnership is how they have improved each other's lives.

Iva says, " Judy is one of the most independent people I've ever

known: I've dated people more disabled than Judy, even though they

weren't. "

On seizing the moment, regardless:

Iva

If I had let the wheelchair scare me off, I wouldn't have honored

what was happening between us.

Judy

You can meet the right person at the wrong time, but we both knew we

were in a window of it all being right.

Louise Rafkin has contributed to the New York Times, the Washington

Post and NPR's " All Things Considered. " Couple suggestion? Send brief

story to Onthe Couch@....

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/01/18/CMC1U1GIA.DTL

This article appeared on page P - 28 of the San Francisco Chronicle

January 21, 2008

Alana,

Great article! The photo was so nice, I'm sure they love it. I'm not

big on posed shots, but the shot made it feel so natural!

I thought the article was neat that they didn't even really mention

anything to do with a disability. I had to laugh, reading the article I

can see what a difference it is of a newspaper in SF than around Eastern

Ohio/Western PA. You would have NEVER seen an article written like that

in our newspaper. I could just imagine what the letters to the editors

would say if they talked about two women in lust! *lol* No, the article

here would have been all focused on the disability, and it would have

been turned around somehow about how the disabled can't find someone to

marry.. yada yada yada...

Very refreshing article. Thanks for sharing!

--

Later,

Mike Briggs

Photography Gallery - http://www.pbase.com/photogrif/

My Space - http://www.myspace.com/photogrif

January 21, 2008

Hi Mike,

I'm really glad you liked it! Yes, the picture is awful cute, and

whenever I see Judy and Iva they truly are beaming like that even

after all these years...Not to mention they're both gorgeous anyways -

I'm especially a sucker for butch women. ;-)

Like I was saying off-list, while the sexual orientation aspect of

the story is pretty run-of-the-mill here and the press isn't

generally homophobic, it's still a little unusual to have a story

about disability and sexuality that doesn't read like a sociology

text. Even in the S.F. Bay Area it uncommon to have ANY article that

mentions disability without encumbering it with the usual sappy

inspirational platitudes. But in this piece they're just regular

girls who fell in love and are still hot for each other after all

these years. :-) I also like that they mention Judy's job as an

expected matter-of-fact, not a miraculous and heroic feat. Funny,

the Bay Area has come a long way about sexual organization, but not

as far on disability. This article is a good step.

Cheers!

Alana

January 22, 2008

hey could some one please send the link for the article id love to read it

thanks lauramechelle

Photogrif <briggsm@...> wrote: