Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 You can find a guy in a chair to help with your PCA needs. I did. I married a paraplegic who can bench press 250 lbs! And our sex life is AWESOME! Vicki **************AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212792382x1200798498/aol?redir=http://\ searchblog.aol.com/2008/11/04/happy-holidays-from -aol-search/?ncid=emlcntussear00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrewards.com/> http://www.ourgvrewards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kemp@... Email 2: dkemp@... <http://www.ourgvmall.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitbar.com/benefitbar/subscribe/toolbar.php?toolbarId=1136> http://new.a2success.com/files/Image/banner_468w60h_82608.jpg From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ________________________________ From: <d-kemp@...> Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@gro ups.com] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 My fiance uses a powerchair. No, I don't see it as a problem. I see it as good. I never have to worry and wonder if she " gets it " re: disability. And I love her very, very much. Nick Maggie Witkowski wrote: > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a > wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case > a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about this that I am curious about. #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but I have to ask anyway. Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination? This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding someone to provide physical care. Love and Hugs Jeni ________________________________ From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@...> Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ____________ _________ _________ __ From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> @gro ups.com Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz@...> > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ________________________________ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@... <meg62977%40>> > <%40> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 I assume that by intimate, you mean sex. There are other ways to be intimate, but as for sex, like any couple, it takes a while to figure things out, but I believe it you love each other, you'll find a way. As for help with PCA stuff, I never wanted my wife to help my nurses take care of me, but when you love each other, it just comes naturally, and while she can't do my physical care, she helps my nurses take care of me quite often! She knows my needs better than anybody! She's one of the few people who understands my speech and she tells my nurses what I'm saying, and she has actually saved my life on more than one occasion. Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrewards.com/> http://www.ourgvrewards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kemp@... Email 2: dkemp@... <http://www.ourgvmall.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitbar.com/benefitbar/subscribe/toolbar.php?toolbarId=1136> http://new.a2success.com/files/Image/banner_468w60h_82608.jpg From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Maggie Witkowski Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 1:27 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ________________________________ From: <d-kemp@... <mailto:d-kemp%40sbcglobal.net> > <mailto:%40> Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@gro ups.com] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 Is it really an SMA thing to have a high sex drive? Both my wife and I do! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrewards.com/> http://www.ourgvrewards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kemp@... Email 2: dkemp@... <http://www.ourgvmall.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitbar.com/benefitbar/subscribe/toolbar.php?toolbarId=1136> http://new.a2success.com/files/Image/banner_468w60h_82608.jpg From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Moss Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 8:46 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz@... <mailto:mom2armybratz%40> > > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ________________________________ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@... <mailto:meg62977%40> <meg62977%40>> > <mailto:%40> <%40> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Meg, As you know my fiance was disabled and it was not hard to be intimate. I was the stronger one out of the 2 of us and I basically only have use of my left hand and can move my legs. To me intimacy can mean many different acts (not all physical) that emotionally connect two people. I'm assuming you mean sex tho. Our sex life might not have looked like the passionate scenes on tv, but it was very passionate and fulfilling. If there had been a camera I bet we'd all laugh at some of the interesting positions I got myself into. We both were able to achieve orgasms, sometimes more than 1 in 1 night, if that is how you gauge sexual fulfillment. I admit, we had to be creative and there were probably times where it would have been easier & faster if one of us could do all the physical things that didn't come as easy to one of us or if I could of suctioned when he needed it. To tell you the truth part of the fun was figuring out how to do things, and as for things going faster, I like to prolong pleasure as long as possible . But by far the best part of being intimate w/ was that connection we developed by trusting, listening, and loving each other. The touches & caresses just amplified the whole experience. I've heard many people on this list who believe depending on a partner for care puts a strain on the relationship. In a way dating a DA guy had its pluses since we could pool our PCA resources together when 1 of us was desperate for 1. I'm sure there are pros & cons to dating AB vs DA & vice versa, but one thing I liked about dating a DA guy was I knew he " got it " when it came to having a disability. I also felt more secure in my own skin & had a more positive body image b/c I truly believed him when he called me sexy and beautiful since I knew when he looked in the mirror he didn't see a " normal " body either. He wasn't saying it just to be nice or out of pity. There was this different level of trust & understanding compared to the relationships I previously had w/AB guys. Even though is no longer with me I still have that more confident self image. His support really made a difference in my opinion of myself and my outer beauty. I wouldn't count somebody out just b/c he's DA, you are just limiting you field of players IMO. Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/11/2008 4:27:52 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, meg62977@... writes: But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ________________________________ From: <_d-kemp@..._ (mailto:d-kemp@...) > _@groSMAfrie_ (mailto: ) Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <_http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com/> _http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <_http://www.ourgvmal_ (http://www.ourgvmal/) l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <_http://www.benefitb_ (http://www.benefitb/) ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> _http://new.a2succes_ (http://new.a2succes/) s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@From: @yah Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] **************Get the Moviefone Toolbar. Showtimes, theaters, movie news & more!(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212774565x1200812037/aol?redir=ht\ t p://toolbar.aol.com/moviefone/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 I think that's a great ? Jeni. I actually was one of those " haters " if that is what you want to call it. I used to think dating a DA guy was out of the question for many reasons. Then for some odd reason, maybe it was maturity, I had this revelation that if I expected AB guys to think of me as a valued partner then how could I think a DA guy was unacceptable? If I had this revelation sooner & I could have been together much sooner & longer since although I had feelings for him I discredited them b/c I thought dating him was impossible. You are right, all the logistics can be worked around if you really try. Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/11/2008 9:41:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, mom2armybratz@... writes: I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about this that I am curious about. #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but I have to ask anyway. Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the same? I mean..... isn'isn'<WBR>t that kind of like self-discris This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic about relationships) <WBR>but those can be worked around can't they? I would think that finding someone share love and companionship, regardless of physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding someone to provide physical care. Love and Hugs Jeni ________________________________ From: Maggie Witkowski <_meg62977@..._ (mailto:meg62977@...) > _@groSMAfrie_ (mailto: ) Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ____________ _________ _________ __ From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> @gro ups.com Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <_http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com/> _http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <_http://www.ourgvmal_ (http://www.ourgvmal/) l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <_http://www.benefitb_ (http://www.benefitb/) ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> _http://new.a2succes_ (http://new.a2succes/) s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] **************Get the Moviefone Toolbar. Showtimes, theaters, movie news & more!(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212774565x1200812037/aol?redir=ht\ t p://toolbar.aol.com/moviefone/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Meg, Why wouldn't you be an equal partner?? I always thought gave equally if not more sometimes and he was way weaker than me! There are ways around delegating chores & tasks, plus don't your PCA's already do some of this for you? You almost make it sound like you are not worthy of a relationship w/a man. A relationship is not solely based around physical tasks anyway, so why would any of that affect your worth as a partner? Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/12/2008 4:58:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, meg62977@... writes: I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. Meg ________________________________ From: Moss <_lindajmoss@..._ (mailto:lindajmoss@...) > _@groSMAfrie_ (mailto: ) Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:45:53 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz> > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <_http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com/> _http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <_http://www.ourgvmal_ (http://www.ourgvmal/) l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <_http://www.benefitb_ (http://www.benefitb/) ar.com/benefitba r/subs cribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > _http://new.a2succes_ (http://new.a2succes/) s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 WELL SAID ALANA!!!! You pretty much summed up everything I wanted to write but was too tired to type it all out!!! Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/12/2008 7:05:53 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, alrt@... writes: Meg, You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to, as Iwouldn't if he was halfhearted about it. Sometimes I even have to remind him when I feel like he's not putting his share into it, and he lets me know if he's feeling neglected. I adjusted my getup time so we can wake up together. He takes a shower while my attendant is boiling water for my tea and his coffee. He reminds me about things we need done around the house and I give him a grocery list for him to shop on the way home from work. While I'm on the bedpan each morning I direct my attendant with dinner-making instructions and a list of chores. Before I retired Chuck and I traded shopping and dinner making responsibilities based on who's work was driving whom more crazy, who was closest to the store, or we'd just decide to go out or order in. I remind him to do the cat box, and he's better at remembering to take out the trash and recycling. He feeds and puts the flea goop on the cats, and I make sure my attendants brush them a few times a week. He forbids me to drug his cats with catnip, and I sprinkle a little bit in their cat bed once or twice a month when he's not looking. I promise and keep my promise to not cleanup his dusty and messy den. He promises to cleanup his disgusting den when I remind him we're expecting company. At the end of the day we cuddle up before supper with his head in my lap and we share stories about our days, or try to forget about our days, or watch Jim Lehrer and debate politics. If we have guests coming for dinner, I've already had my attendant set the table, and he's heating up what I cooked or making one of his favorite meals. I keep track of his parents', sisters', niece's and nephews' birthdays, but I make him order the flowers and by a book for dad or toys for the boys. I buy a crafty gift or something nice to wear for the girls. He's not allowed to wrap gifts...he's not so good at it. He's always allowed to make guacamole and pick out the wine. We tease each other about traditional gender roles that we do and don't fit into, and we recognize when the other is sad or under stress. We offer comforting words, a shoulder to cry upon, or a simple hand-hold, and are ready with encouraging words, an honest opinion, or a white lie about how nice the new haircut is. When we're physically intimate I tell him where to move my hand or a leg, or that I want him to move closer or stops squishing my hand. He has never minded doing any of this because our focus is on making each other feel loved. We both like it when the other tells us what feels good or what's uncomfortable. We only want to please each other. We remember each other's birthdays and our anniversary, and we each surprise each other with spontaneous gifts (like when I sent him a box with my fancy underwear in it to work...he had to hide it before he almost opened it in front of his boss). We talk about how we were raised and what we learned growing up. We tell each other secrets that are hard to share, and argue about what movie we're going to see (I bargain using sexual favors as currency to get to see movies with subtitles). We love each other's imperfections and we're proud of each other's accomplishments. I rub his sore feet after a rough Judo class and he buys me chocolate after I've survived a long visit with my mother. These are the sorts of things people contribute to a relationship. I'm not sure why you can't participate equally in one. Alana > > I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > Meg > > **************Get the Moviefone Toolbar. Showtimes, theaters, movie news & more!(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212774565x1200812037/aol?redir=ht\ t p://toolbar.aol.com/moviefone/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Alana, That's too funny, I too bartered w/sexual favors! Have you ever seen the sexual favor coupons they make?? I'd also slip those in gifts/cards so that could " redeem " them when he wanted to! Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/12/2008 7:05:53 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, alrt@... writes: Meg, You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to, as Iwouldn't if he was halfhearted about it. Sometimes I even have to remind him when I feel like he's not putting his share into it, and he lets me know if he's feeling neglected. I adjusted my getup time so we can wake up together. He takes a shower while my attendant is boiling water for my tea and his coffee. He reminds me about things we need done around the house and I give him a grocery list for him to shop on the way home from work. While I'm on the bedpan each morning I direct my attendant with dinner-making instructions and a list of chores. Before I retired Chuck and I traded shopping and dinner making responsibilities based on who's work was driving whom more crazy, who was closest to the store, or we'd just decide to go out or order in. I remind him to do the cat box, and he's better at remembering to take out the trash and recycling. He feeds and puts the flea goop on the cats, and I make sure my attendants brush them a few times a week. He forbids me to drug his cats with catnip, and I sprinkle a little bit in their cat bed once or twice a month when he's not looking. I promise and keep my promise to not cleanup his dusty and messy den. He promises to cleanup his disgusting den when I remind him we're expecting company. At the end of the day we cuddle up before supper with his head in my lap and we share stories about our days, or try to forget about our days, or watch Jim Lehrer and debate politics. If we have guests coming for dinner, I've already had my attendant set the table, and he's heating up what I cooked or making one of his favorite meals. I keep track of his parents', sisters', niece's and nephews' birthdays, but I make him order the flowers and by a book for dad or toys for the boys. I buy a crafty gift or something nice to wear for the girls. He's not allowed to wrap gifts...he's not so good at it. He's always allowed to make guacamole and pick out the wine. We tease each other about traditional gender roles that we do and don't fit into, and we recognize when the other is sad or under stress. We offer comforting words, a shoulder to cry upon, or a simple hand-hold, and are ready with encouraging words, an honest opinion, or a white lie about how nice the new haircut is. When we're physically intimate I tell him where to move my hand or a leg, or that I want him to move closer or stops squishing my hand. He has never minded doing any of this because our focus is on making each other feel loved. We both like it when the other tells us what feels good or what's uncomfortable. We only want to please each other. We remember each other's birthdays and our anniversary, and we each surprise each other with spontaneous gifts (like when I sent him a box with my fancy underwear in it to work...he had to hide it before he almost opened it in front of his boss). We talk about how we were raised and what we learned growing up. We tell each other secrets that are hard to share, and argue about what movie we're going to see (I bargain using sexual favors as currency to get to see movies with subtitles). We love each other's imperfections and we're proud of each other's accomplishments. I rub his sore feet after a rough Judo class and he buys me chocolate after I've survived a long visit with my mother. These are the sorts of things people contribute to a relationship. I'm not sure why you can't participate equally in one. Alana > > I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > Meg > > **************Get the Moviefone Toolbar. Showtimes, theaters, movie news & more!(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212774565x1200812037/aol?redir=ht\ t p://toolbar.aol.com/moviefone/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 I love when you can feel powerful passion even when just lying together . Sometimes the most intense intimate moments happen w/out sex. I think you explained how that strong bond w/a DA partner evolves well. You are right, sometimes that extra practice and patience goes a long way. I too am hopeful I'll find that kind of love again, whether its with a DA guy or not. Kimi }i{ Visit my myspace page and blogs: _www.myspace.com/ksmile96_ (http://www.myspace.com/ksmile96) }i{ " When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I used to know is missing too. When you're gone all the words I need to hear to always get me thru the day and make it ok. I miss you. " -Avril Lavigne In a message dated 11/12/2008 9:21:26 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, tssala@... writes: Hi everyone, I have enjoyed reading many of the messages here and can relate to many as well. I am 37 and have SMA type 2. I have had a few relationships in my adult years, especially in my 30s. Except for one, which unfortunately just ended a few months ago, all of my relationships/ Except for one, which unfortunate My last boyfriend had a slight disability which sometimes made things interesting in the bedroom, but at the same time it created a stronger bond between us because of the fact that we had to work a little harder and practice more patience around the logistics of our sex life....nevertheles My last boyfriend had a That being said, the love and passion between us was so powerful that even just laying next to one another and kissing/cuddling meant the world to me. We had planned on being married in the near future and were even investigating the possibility of having a child together, but sadly we are no longer together. Although it is sometimes a challenge as a disabled woman to meet men as readily as an able-bodied woman, I do look forward to meeting that special someone in the future as I believe it will be even more beautiful than the last one because that last relationship taught me alot and was in my opinion, a stepping stone to prepare me for the next one to come....I am always hopeful! From: Moss <_lindajmoss@..._ (mailto:lindajmoss@...) > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ _@groSMAfrie_ (mailto: ) Date: Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 11:45 PM re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz@ > > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <_http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com/> _http://www.ourgvrew_ (http://www.ourgvrew/) ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <_http://www.ourgvmal_ (http://www.ourgvmal/) l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <_http://www.benefitb_ (http://www.benefitb/) ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > _http://new.a2succes_ (http://new.a2succes/) s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 First of all, perhaps sex is less important to you because you're a woman. Everyone has different levels of sex drives. You are right though, I finally decided that I love my wife enough to marry her even if we never have sex, Or if we only have sex once. As for your second issue, I think you're right, it was wrong of me to discriminate. That's why I changed my opinion on the issue. Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrewards.com/> http://www.ourgvrewards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kemp@... Email 2: dkemp@... <http://www.ourgvmall.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitbar.com/benefitbar/subscribe/toolbar.php?toolbarId=1136> http://new.a2success.com/files/Image/banner_468w60h_82608.jpg From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Jenifer Woody Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 6:41 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about this that I am curious about. #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but I have to ask anyway. Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination? This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding someone to provide physical care. Love and Hugs Jeni ________________________________ From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@... <mailto:meg62977%40> > <mailto:%40> Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. Meg ____________ _________ _________ __ From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> @gro ups.com Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled person! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= 1136> http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On Behalf Of Alana Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM @gro ups.com Subject: Re: Body Image/ It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at least more honest about their reservations. Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > Alana and , > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very confident > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I move. > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put my > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only interested > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing everything > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only solution > is to switch to girls for awhile > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. Meg ________________________________ From: Moss <lindajmoss@...> Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:45:53 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz> > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608.. jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\ !!!!!!!!! 2008/11/12 Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@...> > I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, > or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an > able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of > him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. > At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > Meg > > ________________________________ > From: Moss <lindajmoss@... <lindajmoss%40gmail.com>> > <%40> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:45:53 PM > > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i > dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! > > #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person > rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would > not > be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of > help in the future? > > linda > > 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz> > > > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > > this that I am curious about. > > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find > that > > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, > but > > I have to ask anyway. > > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate > against > > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do > the > > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not > be > > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I > understand > > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than > finding > > someone to provide physical care. > > > > > > Love and Hugs > > Jeni > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? > I > > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't > show. > > > > Meg > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > > @gro ups.com > > > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be > too > > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > > person! > > > > Kemp > > > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? > toolbarId= > > 1136> > > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608.. jpg > > > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] > On > > Behalf Of Alana > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > > @gro ups.com > > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > > least more honest about their reservations. > > > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > > confident > > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > > move. > > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > > my > > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > > interested > > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > > everything > > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > > solution > > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Meg, I do not know any relationship that is equal, disabled or able-bodied. I think when you find the one you want to be with, each person gives what they can and makes it work. I think feelings of self-worth come from within and no one will see how special you truly are until you can see it yourself. The stories from the members of this list, should broadcast the fact that abilities do not (or should not) matter when it comes to love and relationships- if anything, they should make you realize that love is possible for anyone. Take care! Kristal- Mom to Brett- SMA II- Almost 9 years old Visit Brett @ www.our-sma-angels.com/brett OR www.caringbridge.org/visit/brettwilson Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Amen to that! Kemp Director, OurGV Rewards <http://www.ourgvrewards.com/> http://www.ourgvrewards.com Phone: 714-974-5799 Business Phone: 714-974-5693 Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 Phone: 949-579-9465 Email 1: d-kemp@... Email 2: dkemp@... <http://www.ourgvmall.com/djk> banner021.jpg <http://www.benefitbar.com/benefitbar/subscribe/toolbar.php?toolbarId=1136> http://new.a2success.com/files/Image/banner_468w60h_82608.jpg From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kristal Koehler Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 2:23 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ Meg, I do not know any relationship that is equal, disabled or able-bodied. I think when you find the one you want to be with, each person gives what they can and makes it work. I think feelings of self-worth come from within and no one will see how special you truly are until you can see it yourself. The stories from the members of this list, should broadcast the fact that abilities do not (or should not) matter when it comes to love and relationships- if anything, they should make you realize that love is possible for anyone. Take care! Kristal- Mom to Brett- SMA II- Almost 9 years old Visit Brett @ www.our-sma-angels.com/brett OR www.caringbridge.org/visit/brettwilson Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 meg not sure if this might help http://www.livingcompassion.org/ when i have felt down the open air podcasts and books there have helped me a lot to reframe the cause of my suffering to something i can take control of rather than perpetuate failing that go to dougs gimps gone wild site and buy the video involving the ceiling track hoist and vent tubing! linda 2008/11/12 Kristal Koehler <kkoehler47@...> > Meg, > I do not know any relationship that is equal, disabled or able-bodied. I > think when you find the one you want to be with, each person gives what they > can and makes it work. I think feelings of self-worth come from within and > no one will see how special you truly are until you can see it yourself. The > stories from the members of this list, should broadcast the fact that > abilities do not (or should not) matter when it comes to love and > relationships- if anything, they should make you realize that love is > possible for anyone. Take care! > Kristal- Mom to Brett- SMA II- Almost 9 years old > Visit Brett @ www.our-sma-angels.com/brett > OR www.caringbridge.org/visit/brettwilson > > Re: Body Image/ > > > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > > least more honest about their reservations. > > > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > > confident > > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > > move. > > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > > my > > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > > interested > > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > > everything > > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > > solution > > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Alana, Your writing is beautiful. Your relationship is beautiful. You completely made my day, more than you'll ever know. My heart is pounding wildly in my chest and it's screaming to have something like this again. Someday, I know... - From: Alana <alrt@...> Subject: Re: Body Image/ Date: Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 7:05 PM Meg, You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to, as Iwouldn't if he was halfhearted about it. Sometimes I even have to remind him when I feel like he's not putting his share into it, and he lets me know if he's feeling neglected. I adjusted my getup time so we can wake up together. He takes a shower while my attendant is boiling water for my tea and his coffee. He reminds me about things we need done around the house and I give him a grocery list for him to shop on the way home from work. While I'm on the bedpan each morning I direct my attendant with dinner-making instructions and a list of chores. Before I retired Chuck and I traded shopping and dinner making responsibilities based on who's work was driving whom more crazy, who was closest to the store, or we'd just decide to go out or order in. I remind him to do the cat box, and he's better at remembering to take out the trash and recycling. He feeds and puts the flea goop on the cats, and I make sure my attendants brush them a few times a week. He forbids me to drug his cats with catnip, and I sprinkle a little bit in their cat bed once or twice a month when he's not looking. I promise and keep my promise to not cleanup his dusty and messy den. He promises to cleanup his disgusting den when I remind him we're expecting company. At the end of the day we cuddle up before supper with his head in my lap and we share stories about our days, or try to forget about our days, or watch Jim Lehrer and debate politics. If we have guests coming for dinner, I've already had my attendant set the table, and he's heating up what I cooked or making one of his favorite meals. I keep track of his parents', sisters', niece's and nephews' birthdays, but I make him order the flowers and by a book for dad or toys for the boys. I buy a crafty gift or something nice to wear for the girls. He's not allowed to wrap gifts...he's not so good at it. He's always allowed to make guacamole and pick out the wine. We tease each other about traditional gender roles that we do and don't fit into, and we recognize when the other is sad or under stress. We offer comforting words, a shoulder to cry upon, or a simple hand-hold, and are ready with encouraging words, an honest opinion, or a white lie about how nice the new haircut is. When we're physically intimate I tell him where to move my hand or a leg, or that I want him to move closer or stops squishing my hand. He has never minded doing any of this because our focus is on making each other feel loved. We both like it when the other tells us what feels good or what's uncomfortable. We only want to please each other. We remember each other's birthdays and our anniversary, and we each surprise each other with spontaneous gifts (like when I sent him a box with my fancy underwear in it to work...he had to hide it before he almost opened it in front of his boss). We talk about how we were raised and what we learned growing up. We tell each other secrets that are hard to share, and argue about what movie we're going to see (I bargain using sexual favors as currency to get to see movies with subtitles). We love each other's imperfections and we're proud of each other's accomplishments. I rub his sore feet after a rough Judo class and he buys me chocolate after I've survived a long visit with my mother. These are the sorts of things people contribute to a relationship. I'm not sure why you can't participate equally in one. Alana > > I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > Meg > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to. thanks alana. meg, i believe those questions will really help you think this through. i have edited out the rest of the mush for you ;-) linda 2008/11/13 Alana <alrt@...> > Meg, > > You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that > can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a > romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you > less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? > Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a > student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one > hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with > Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to, > as Iwouldn't if he was halfhearted about it. Sometimes I even have to > remind him when I feel like he's not putting his share into it, and he > lets me know if he's feeling neglected. > > I adjusted my getup time so we can wake up together. He takes a shower > while my attendant is boiling water for my tea and his coffee. He > reminds me about things we need done around the house and I give him a > grocery list for him to shop on the way home from work. While I'm on > the bedpan each morning I direct my attendant with dinner-making > instructions and a list of chores. Before I retired Chuck and I traded > shopping and dinner making responsibilities based on who's work was > driving whom more crazy, who was closest to the store, or we'd just > decide to go out or order in. > > I remind him to do the cat box, and he's better at remembering to take > out the trash and recycling. He feeds and puts the flea goop on the > cats, and I make sure my attendants brush them a few times a week. He > forbids me to drug his cats with catnip, and I sprinkle a little bit in > their cat bed once or twice a month when he's not looking. I promise > and keep my promise to not cleanup his dusty and messy den. He > promises to cleanup his disgusting den when I remind him we're > expecting company. At the end of the day we cuddle up before supper > with his head in my lap and we share stories about our days, or try to > forget about our days, or watch Jim Lehrer and debate politics. If we > have guests coming for dinner, I've already had my attendant set the > table, and he's heating up what I cooked or making one of his favorite > meals. > > I keep track of his parents', sisters', niece's and nephews' birthdays, > but I make him order the flowers and by a book for dad or toys for the > boys. I buy a crafty gift or something nice to wear for the girls. > He's not allowed to wrap gifts...he's not so good at it. He's always > allowed to make guacamole and pick out the wine. We tease each other > about traditional gender roles that we do and don't fit into, and we > recognize when the other is sad or under stress. We offer comforting > words, a shoulder to cry upon, or a simple hand-hold, and are ready > with encouraging words, an honest opinion, or a white lie about how > nice the new haircut is. > > When we're physically intimate I tell him where to move my hand or a > leg, or that I want him to move closer or stops squishing my hand. He > has never minded doing any of this because our focus is on making each > other feel loved. We both like it when the other tells us what feels > good or what's uncomfortable. We only want to please each other. > > We remember each other's birthdays and our anniversary, and we each > surprise each other with spontaneous gifts (like when I sent him a box > with my fancy underwear in it to work...he had to hide it before he > almost opened it in front of his boss). We talk about how we were > raised and what we learned growing up. We tell each other secrets that > are hard to share, and argue about what movie we're going to see (I > bargain using sexual favors as currency to get to see movies with > subtitles). We love each other's imperfections and we're proud of each > other's accomplishments. I rub his sore feet after a rough Judo class > and he buys me chocolate after I've survived a long visit with my > mother. > > These are the sorts of things people contribute to a relationship. I'm > not sure why you can't participate equally in one. > > Alana > > > > > > I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for > that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with > an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take > care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it > can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > > > Meg > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 your retired? you like movies with subtitles?! Jade Re: Body Image/ Meg, You said a relationship is " give and take equally " but with you that can't be. I'm curious about why you can't equally contribute to a romantic relationship? Do you de-value yourself that much? Are you less of a friend to people you know than they are a friend to you? Less of a child to your parents that than your siblings? Less of a student to your professors than your classmates? I have the use of one hand. Period. I contribute fully my share in this relationship with Chuck, and I suspect that he wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to, as Iwouldn't if he was halfhearted about it. Sometimes I even have to remind him when I feel like he's not putting his share into it, and he lets me know if he's feeling neglected. I adjusted my getup time so we can wake up together. He takes a shower while my attendant is boiling water for my tea and his coffee. He reminds me about things we need done around the house and I give him a grocery list for him to shop on the way home from work. While I'm on the bedpan each morning I direct my attendant with dinner-making instructions and a list of chores. Before I retired Chuck and I traded shopping and dinner making responsibilities based on who's work was driving whom more crazy, who was closest to the store, or we'd just decide to go out or order in. I remind him to do the cat box, and he's better at remembering to take out the trash and recycling. He feeds and puts the flea goop on the cats, and I make sure my attendants brush them a few times a week. He forbids me to drug his cats with catnip, and I sprinkle a little bit in their cat bed once or twice a month when he's not looking. I promise and keep my promise to not cleanup his dusty and messy den. He promises to cleanup his disgusting den when I remind him we're expecting company. At the end of the day we cuddle up before supper with his head in my lap and we share stories about our days, or try to forget about our days, or watch Jim Lehrer and debate politics. If we have guests coming for dinner, I've already had my attendant set the table, and he's heating up what I cooked or making one of his favorite meals. I keep track of his parents', sisters', niece's and nephews' birthdays, but I make him order the flowers and by a book for dad or toys for the boys. I buy a crafty gift or something nice to wear for the girls. He's not allowed to wrap gifts...he's not so good at it. He's always allowed to make guacamole and pick out the wine. We tease each other about traditional gender roles that we do and don't fit into, and we recognize when the other is sad or under stress. We offer comforting words, a shoulder to cry upon, or a simple hand-hold, and are ready with encouraging words, an honest opinion, or a white lie about how nice the new haircut is. When we're physically intimate I tell him where to move my hand or a leg, or that I want him to move closer or stops squishing my hand. He has never minded doing any of this because our focus is on making each other feel loved. We both like it when the other tells us what feels good or what's uncomfortable. We only want to please each other. We remember each other's birthdays and our anniversary, and we each surprise each other with spontaneous gifts (like when I sent him a box with my fancy underwear in it to work...he had to hide it before he almost opened it in front of his boss). We talk about how we were raised and what we learned growing up. We tell each other secrets that are hard to share, and argue about what movie we're going to see (I bargain using sexual favors as currency to get to see movies with subtitles). We love each other's imperfections and we're proud of each other's accomplishments. I rub his sore feet after a rough Judo class and he buys me chocolate after I've survived a long visit with my mother. These are the sorts of things people contribute to a relationship. I'm not sure why you can't participate equally in one. Alana > > I?would feel hurt, of course.? They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc.? Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would?fear about the future and how I could take care of him.? A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be.? At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. > > Meg > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi everyone, I have enjoyed reading many of the messages here and can relate to many as well. I am 37 and have SMA type 2. I have had a few relationships in my adult years, especially in my 30s. Except for one, which unfortunately just ended a few months ago, all of my relationships/flings have been with able-bodied men. My last boyfriend had a slight disability which sometimes made things interesting in the bedroom, but at the same time it created a stronger bond between us because of the fact that we had to work a little harder and practice more patience around the logistics of our sex life....nevertheless it was always special. That being said, the love and passion between us was so powerful that even just laying next to one another and kissing/cuddling meant the world to me. We had planned on being married in the near future and were even investigating the possibility of having a child together, but sadly we are no longer together. Although it is sometimes a challenge as a disabled woman to meet men as readily as an able-bodied woman, I do look forward to meeting that special someone in the future as I believe it will be even more beautiful than the last one because that last relationship taught me alot and was in my opinion, a stepping stone to prepare me for the next one to come....I am always hopeful! From: Moss <lindajmoss@...> Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ Date: Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 11:45 PM re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz> > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 You're right that relationships are give and take, but you are dead wrong if you think that it is always in a physical capacity. Some of the most important things I recieve from some of my best friends are not physical actions in any way. Many of my best friends live states away and can't help with my kids or go shopping with me. What they give is emotional support and encouragement among other *intellectual* activities. While you might not be able to cook, you could easily compile the menu, grocery list, recipes, coupons, etc for a PCA to do the shopping and cook. You could be the one in the relationship to pay bills online, balance the accounts, budget..... I can think of so many ways that you are capable of contributing to a relationship!!!!!!! But.... maybe right now you shouldn't be with someone else. Not because you don't deserve it, but because you sound so unhappy with yourself right now. Until you can be happy and feel complete yourself, you can't be an effective partner in a relationship. I wish for you self-esteem and happiness in everything you do!!!!!!!!!!! Love and Hugs Jeni ________________________________ From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977@...> Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 3:57:08 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ I would feel hurt, of course. They probably already reject me for that, or that I can't cook, or do laudry, etc. Even when I'd be with an able-bodied man, I would fear about the future and how I could take care of him. A relationship is give and take, equally, but with me, it can't be. At this rate, I should be alone, it'll be best for everyone. Meg ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Moss <lindajmossgmail (DOT) com> @gro ups.com Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:45:53 PM Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ re #1 a lack of sex in a relationship would be a bonus for me! ;-) seems i dont have the sma bit that gives a high sex drive! #2 i agree jen. also meg how would you feel if a non disabled person rejected you as partner material based solely on the fact that you would not be able to provide physical care for him/her in case he needed that sort of help in the future? linda 2008/11/12 Jenifer Woody <mom2armybratz> > I don't mean to stir a hornet's nest, but there are two things about > this that I am curious about. > #1 would be the intimacy part. I am not a chair user, but I still find that > while sexual contact is great, the REAL intimacy comes more from the > conversation, cuddling and other less sexual acts. A lack of sex in a > relationship would not be a deal-breaker for me. > > #2 is the part where I might *possibly* get myself in a little trouble, but > I have to ask anyway. > Isn't it just as bad for a person with a disability to discriminate against > dating another person with a disability as it is for an AB person to do the > same? I mean..... isn't that kind of like self-discrimination ? > This is absolutely only my humble opinion, but a relationship should not be > built around what a potential mate can or can not do for you. I understand > the pragmatic concerns (actually I've been accused of being TOO pragmatic > about relationships) but those can be worked around can't they? I would > think that finding someone to share love and companionship, regardless of > physical ability, would be far more important (and DIFFICULT!) than finding > someone to provide physical care. > > > Love and Hugs > Jeni > > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: Maggie Witkowski <meg62977 (DOT) com <meg62977%40. com>> > @gro ups.com <% 40groups. com> > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:27:16 PM > Subject: Re: Re: Body Image/ > > > But isn't it very hard to be intimate when both people use a wheelchair? I > want to find a man who would be able to help me in case a PCA doesn't show. > > Meg > > ____________ _________ _________ __ > From: <d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net> > @gro ups.com > > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 3:11:24 PM > Subject: RE: Re: Body Image/ > > I used to not want to date disabled women because I thought it would be too > hard to have sex, but it was the best thing I ever did! I couldn't be > happier! Nobody really understands a disabled person but another disabled > person! > > Kemp > > Director, OurGV Rewards > > <http://www.ourgvrew ards.com/> http://www.ourgvrew ards.com > > Phone: 714-974-5799 > > Business Phone: 714-974-5693 > > Cell Phone: 714-244-5920 > > Phone: 949-579-9465 > > Email 1: d-kempsbcglobal (DOT) net > > Email 2: dkempourgvrewards (DOT) com > > <http://www.ourgvmal l.com/djk> banner021.jpg > > <http://www.benefitb ar.com/benefitba r/subscribe/ toolbar.php? toolbarId= > 1136> > http://new.a2succes s.com/files/ Image/banner_ 468w60h_82608. . jpg > > From: @gro ups.com [mailto:@ gro ups.com] On > Behalf Of Alana > Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:15 PM > @gro ups.com > Subject: Re: Body Image/ > > It's not any easier with girls; trust me. In fact, the women I've > dated or almost dated generally had a much harder time bringing up > concerns they've had about my disability. The guys have been at > least more honest about their reservations. > > Date whomever you're attracted to...boys and/or girls...it's work > either way, and well worth it most of the time. > > > > > > Alana and , > > > > Your stories are definitely inspiring. I don't believe that I have > > low self-esteem, however I have always struggled with feeling > > uncomfortable around guys who I am interested in. I am very > confident > > in my personality but tend to be self-conscious about the way I > move. > > I find myself trying to move my arms as little as possible (even > > though I tend to " talk with my hands " by wiggling my wrists back and > > forth), even worrying about the next time I have to struggle to put > my > > hand on my joystick. I know that I should have the " if they can't > > handle my uber-gimpy package then f*** 'em " attitude, but sometimes > > it's hard when it seems as though every guy I meet is only > interested > > in me as friends. Even the seemingly really sweet guys that I meet > > online initially tell me that my disability doesn't matter to them, > > but ultimately end up changing their mind. It just gets a little > > frustrating when you are 23-years-old, think you are doing > everything > > right, yet still have never had a boyfriend. Maybe the only > solution > > is to switch to girls for awhile > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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