Re: Why I Dread Going to My Inlaws - Just Venting :)

[Guest guest]

Pardon me, , but FUCK HIM! Everything you said was unacceptable

of him. Time to start a new tradition.

On Nov 27, 2008, at 10:09 PM, wrote:

> I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

> together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

> husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

> be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests' not

> family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

>

> So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for Thanksgiving.

> Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen with

> the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

> room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

> makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

> are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

> Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in his

> office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures galore.

> He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down on

> top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could easily

> fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and I

> spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

> doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

>

> I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

> granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

> picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

> computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money buying

> formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice frames

> for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are? Laying

> on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

> birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

> his fridge.

>

> I need a drink.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Change traditions - invite him to your house and sit him into the

kitchen.

Camilla

>

> I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

> together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

> husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

> be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests'

not

> family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

>

> So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for

Thanksgiving.

> Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen

with

> the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

> room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

> makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

> are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

> Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in

his

> office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures

galore.

> He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down

on

> top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could

easily

> fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and

I

> spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

> doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

>

> I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

> granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

> picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

> computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money

buying

> formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice

frames

> for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are?

Laying

> on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

> birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

> his fridge.

>

> I need a drink.

>

[Guest guest]

I¹d ask him why he doesn¹t have any pics of claudia up & tell him how you

feel. I¹m pretty direct about those things though. ;-) it doesn¹t keep

the peace, but ultimately it will all come out anyway.

On 11/28/08 1:46 AM, " Camilla " <sonnengelb12@...> wrote:

>

>

>

> Change traditions - invite him to your house and sit him into the

> kitchen.

>

> Camilla

>

>

>> >

>> > I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

>> > together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

>> > husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

>> > be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests'

> not

>> > family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

>> >

>> > So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for

> Thanksgiving.

>> > Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen

> with

>> > the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

>> > room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

>> > makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

>> > are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

>> > Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in

> his

>> > office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures

> galore.

>> > He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down

> on

>> > top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could

> easily

>> > fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and

> I

>> > spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

>> > doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

>> >

>> > I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

>> > granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

>> > picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

>> > computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money

> buying

>> > formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice

> frames

>> > for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are?

> Laying

>> > on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

>> > birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

>> > his fridge.

>> >

>> > I need a drink.

>> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I dreaded being around my in-laws, too, for many years.....until I said " no

more of this crap " . Like your father-in-law, my in-laws view & I as

helpless invalids who are incapable of living independent lives. They consider

it

their right to come into our home and take over. It got so bad two

Christmases ago that we had a fight over it, and they have not been invited

back.

Luckily, they live 300 miles away and are in their 80's, so they haven't invited

themselves.

Vicki

**************Finally, one site has it all: your friends, your email, your

favorite sites. Try the NEW AOL.com.

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[Guest guest]

I guess I am puzzled about why you keep going there.  To say they are 

family...for me, time is too precious.  Strangers would treat you better than

that.  I don't get it.

L

________________________________

From: <dvlwksp@...>

Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2008 9:09:35 PM

Subject: Why I Dread Going to My Inlaws - Just Venting

I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests' not

family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for Thanksgiving.

Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen with

the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in his

office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures galore.

He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down on

top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could easily

fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and I

spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money buying

formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice frames

for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are? Laying

on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

his fridge.

I need a drink.

[Guest guest]

Yuck! I'm sorry that he is so bad--my future mother-in-law is not much better.

She lives in an upstairs condo and in the 2 years we've been dating has only

gotten together with me 3 times. I think her words to my fiance about me were

" you can do better " ......~a

From: <dvlwksp@...>

Subject: Why I Dread Going to My Inlaws - Just Venting

Date: Thursday, November 27, 2008, 10:09 PM

I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests' not

family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for Thanksgiving.

Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen with

the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in his

office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures galore.

He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down on

top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could easily

fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and I

spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money buying

formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice frames

for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are? Laying

on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

his fridge.

I need a drink.

[Guest guest]

I've dealt with inlaws from hell {now my ex in laws} that acted like

their son had married a specie beneath farm animals and blow up sex

dolls {ironically those items were a passtime for my ex's brother and

favorite golden boy of my ex in laws btw}.

It made a huge difference in my life when I stopped hoping they'd

understand me and just plain put down my wheel and refused to be

treated like a second class citizen {whether in my own home or

theirs}. It was way less stressful for me to confront them head on

than to spend another momment of my life being polite to people who

weren't polite to anybody else. I literally felt like a weight had

been taken off of me when I ignored my anxiety and confronted them.

It was really a suprise for me to feel very empowered and good

afterwards but it was a defining momment of my twenties that I never

expected beforehand.

I grew up seeing my mom give her own in laws 'dirty looks' {her and

my sister's pouting tactic for stress management} being silent,

resentful, and miserable all day, year after year when my grand

parents would visit once a year. I refused to follow that path and

have never regretted it in twenty years.

Does your husband know how much this routine is hurting you?

In the future and before the next holiday meal tell all adult family

members who will be at the same gathering that you'd like to rotate

turns for which adult sits in the kitchen so you {for once} get a

chance to sit in the dining room.

If they refuse than go and seat yourselves ahead of time at the grown

up table? Or just plain refuse to sit at the kids table and tell

them it's innappropriate for you as an adult to be relegated to the

childrens corner every year?

After Christmas is over tell the in laws that you put a lot of effort

into giving them framed photos and seeing them discarded on a spare

room's floor gives you little encouragement to give them any future

proffessional photos that cost more than snap shots.

Have your hubby go and put pictures of your own child on the fridge.

If the in laws question it tell them you just thought they'd like to

be able to see the progress and growth of all of the children in the

family at once.

I'm not out to urge any fights wars or family fueds here. You got to

do what's best for you. If you guys depend a lot on these relatives

than a softer approach would be better.

If this gathering is about the most of a relationship you have each

year and if the in laws are adamant that your participation follows

their agenda only then please reassess this routine. Think of what

messages your daughter is being taught if she's witnessing her

parents being put at the kids table and her own pictures on the floor

year after year. Kids pick up on grand parent favoritism then blame

themselves after a certain age.

You don't have to spend sanity time and money on people who don't

appreciate you.

There are ways to keep family contact without a battle and I'm not

advising anybody severe ties.

You could offer to stop by for desert in the future so you don't have

to spend all day around a non kid proof house. Invite the family to

your place meet at a resturant. Rotate the holidays between your

parents home on thankgiving and hubby's parents or your own venue the

next thanksgiving.

Use your kid's age as an excuse, " She's getting bigger now and we

want to expose her to new experiences " {like being not with them

every turkey day...} " We want to make our own memories as a family

unit for dinner but we could stop by for dessert, the next

day....etc " .

Sending you my hugs and care. In laws and holidays would drive

mother theresa to drink.

Hugs.

>

> I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

> together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

> husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

> be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests'

not

> family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

>

> So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for

Thanksgiving.

> Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen

with

> the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

> room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

> makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

> are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

> Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in

his

> office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures

galore.

> He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down

on

> top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could

easily

> fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and

I

> spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

> doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

>

> I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

> granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

> picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

> computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money

buying

> formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice

frames

> for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are?

Laying

> on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

> birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

> his fridge.

>

> I need a drink.

>

[Guest guest]

These ideas sound like a lot of effort on 's part on people who show her

little regard or interest in her or her children's lives. I say plan a nice

dinner out on holiday's with your own little family. Oh, and no made up excuses

are necessary. If you are formally invited you can politely decline stating you

have other plans.

L

Sent from my Verizon BlackBerry

Re: Why I Dread Going to My Inlaws - Just Venting

I've dealt with inlaws from hell {now my ex in laws} that acted like

their son had married a specie beneath farm animals and blow up sex

dolls {ironically those items were a passtime for my ex's brother and

favorite golden boy of my ex in laws btw}.

It made a huge difference in my life when I stopped hoping they'd

understand me and just plain put down my wheel and refused to be

treated like a second class citizen {whether in my own home or

theirs}. It was way less stressful for me to confront them head on

than to spend another momment of my life being polite to people who

weren't polite to anybody else. I literally felt like a weight had

been taken off of me when I ignored my anxiety and confronted them.

It was really a suprise for me to feel very empowered and good

afterwards but it was a defining momment of my twenties that I never

expected beforehand.

I grew up seeing my mom give her own in laws 'dirty looks' {her and

my sister's pouting tactic for stress management} being silent,

resentful, and miserable all day, year after year when my grand

parents would visit once a year. I refused to follow that path and

have never regretted it in twenty years.

Does your husband know how much this routine is hurting you?

In the future and before the next holiday meal tell all adult family

members who will be at the same gathering that you'd like to rotate

turns for which adult sits in the kitchen so you {for once} get a

chance to sit in the dining room.

If they refuse than go and seat yourselves ahead of time at the grown

up table? Or just plain refuse to sit at the kids table and tell

them it's innappropriate for you as an adult to be relegated to the

childrens corner every year?

After Christmas is over tell the in laws that you put a lot of effort

into giving them framed photos and seeing them discarded on a spare

room's floor gives you little encouragement to give them any future

proffessional photos that cost more than snap shots.

Have your hubby go and put pictures of your own child on the fridge.

If the in laws question it tell them you just thought they'd like to

be able to see the progress and growth of all of the children in the

family at once.

I'm not out to urge any fights wars or family fueds here. You got to

do what's best for you. If you guys depend a lot on these relatives

than a softer approach would be better.

If this gathering is about the most of a relationship you have each

year and if the in laws are adamant that your participation follows

their agenda only then please reassess this routine. Think of what

messages your daughter is being taught if she's witnessing her

parents being put at the kids table and her own pictures on the floor

year after year. Kids pick up on grand parent favoritism then blame

themselves after a certain age.

You don't have to spend sanity time and money on people who don't

appreciate you.

There are ways to keep family contact without a battle and I'm not

advising anybody severe ties.

You could offer to stop by for desert in the future so you don't have

to spend all day around a non kid proof house. Invite the family to

your place meet at a resturant. Rotate the holidays between your

parents home on thankgiving and hubby's parents or your own venue the

next thanksgiving.

Use your kid's age as an excuse, " She's getting bigger now and we

want to expose her to new experiences " {like being not with them

every turkey day...} " We want to make our own memories as a family

unit for dinner but we could stop by for dessert, the next

day....etc " .

Sending you my hugs and care. In laws and holidays would drive

mother theresa to drink.

Hugs.

>

> I really hate going to my father in-laws house for, well any get

> together really. I mean -really- hate it. Not only does my

> husband's Dad still treat him like the screw up teenager he used to

> be but his whole family treats us as though we are just 'guests'

not

> family. I hate going over there so much, I dread it for days prior.

>

> So, as tradition, we went over to his Dad's house for

Thanksgiving.

> Once again, my husband, daughter, and I were sat in the kitchen

with

> the 'kids' while the rest of the family sat in the formal dining

> room. Now, all of us cannot fit in the formal dining room so it

> makes sense that we are all split up. However, I don't know why we

> are always banished to the 'kids' table. To top all this off, his

> Dad has NO CLUE about toddlers. He's got his toy room set up in

his

> office where my daughter can get into paperwork and pictures

galore.

> He has no clue about how easy it is for her to pull something down

on

> top of her head. He also has an open staircase that she could

easily

> fall down. So, when she's not confined in her highchair, and

I

> spend the ENTIRE time following her around making sure that she

> doesn't get hurt or get into stuff.

>

> I also noticed today that his Dad has pictures of his girlfriend's

> granddaughters on the fridge but none of . The most recent

> picture he has out of her is her newborn picture and that's in the

> computer room. WTF. Last Christmas, we spent a ton of money

buying

> formal family pictures and pictures of in really nice

frames

> for our parents. Guess where the ones we bought his Dad are?

Laying

> on the floor in the guest bedroom. He took pictues of her at her

> birthday and over the summer. He could have stuck one of those on

> his fridge.

>

> I need a drink.

>