The Skinny Constituency

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http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/06/opinion/06whitehead.html?

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New York Times

Op-Ed Contributor

Finally, a Thin President

By COLSON WHITEHEAD

Published: November 5, 2008

OVER the coming days and weeks, there will be many " I never thought

I'd see the day " pieces, but none of them will be more overflowing

with " I never thought I'd see the day " -ness than this one. I'm

black, you see, and I haven't gained a pound since college. I skip

breakfast most days, have maybe half a sandwich for lunch, and

sometimes I forget to eat dinner. Just slips my mind. Yesterday

morning, I woke up to a new world. America had elected a Skinny

Black Guy president.

I never thought I'd see the day. What were the chances that someone

who looked like me would come to lead the most powerful nation on

earth? Slim.

Skinny Black Guys of my parents' generation pinned their hopes on

Sammy Jr. His was a big-tent candidacy, rallying Skinny Black

Guys, the Rat Pack and the Jewish vote in one crooning, light-footed

package. He won South Carolina, but he never gathered momentum. In

the end, the Candy Man couldn't.

No one stepped up for a long time. was black and

skinny, but also pretty weird, and after a while he wasn't even

black any more, although he did retain his beanpole silhouette. We

thought we had a winner in Rock, but then he started in with

his infamous " There are Russians, and then there are ... Georgians "

routine and we decided he was too raw for the national stage. So we

waited. Some lost faith. Others gorged themselves on protein shakes,

believing that America might accept a black mesomorph. And some of

us kept hoping. We were hungry for change, if not brunch.

Like many Americans, I first saw Barack Obama at the 2004 Democratic

convention. I remember telling my wife excitedly, " This guy is

probably stuffed after a cup of minestrone! "

We knew it'd be an uphill battle. America has a long, troubled

history. Last summer, The Wall Street Journal came out and said what

all Americans felt, but were too afraid to say aloud: " In a nation

in which 66 percent of the voting-age population is overweight and

32 percent is obese, could Senator Obama's skinniness be a

liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors

and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just

might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them. "

Had he bitten off more than he could chew?

I voted for Mr. Obama, but don't give me that " you're racist " line.

Skinny Black Guys vote Democratic 90 percent of the time, through

thin and thin. Now our day has come.

On the right, there's been much anxiety over what a Skinny Black Guy

administration will look like. Will he paint the White House a warm,

Cablinasian caramel, lop off the East Wing for a more svelte

profile? Pack his cabinet with Garrett , Dave Chappelle and

Jimmie ? Such talk is ridiculous, although Mr. Obama doesn't

hide the fact that he keeps Urkel on speed-dial " because you never

know. " I'm confident he'll reach across the aisle to Skinny White

Guys, Haven't Been Able to Get to the Gym White Guys, and If They

Were Women They'd Be Called Zaftig White Guys.

He is going to raise taxes on the middle class, though. They were

right about that. Skinny Black Guys hate the middle class. No

reason. Just do.

What else can we expect from a Skinny Black Guy White House? (I

never thought I'd live to write those words!) We'll turn the corner,

or close the menu, as we like to say, on the war on terrorism. The

time may come to sit down at the (under-catered) table with the

Taliban. The president-elect has a lot in common with these guys.

No, not that. It's hard to get good takeout in the caves of Tora

Bora, so you know they're pretty lean by now. Nothing breaks the ice

like, " Is that my stomach growling, or yours? "

There's a lot of work to be done to get America back on track. There

won't be time for full meals, just light snacking. No problem. With

the economy tanking, we'll to have to tighten our belts. Again, no

prob. When Skinny Black Guys say, " I'll just have the Cobb salad, "

it's not a calorie thing. We're cheap. It'll come in handy when

cutting the fat out of the budget in time for beach season.

A lot of bigots woke up yesterday to the reality of our modern

world. To them I say, just because you have a high metabolism, it

doesn't mean that you don't have a fierce moral vision and the right

ideas to fix this country. It just means that you don't gain weight

easily.

Somewhere, the Candy Man is smiling.

Colson Whitehead is the author of the forthcoming novel " Sag Harbor. "