Re: Dealing with the attendants

June 21, 2012

Hi Karyna,

Yes, it can be overwhelming dealing with attendants. I am 58 with SMA, I wear a

back brace, leg braces & use a hoyer lift...training is a pain, but thankfully

the home health company I go through is very cooperative & has a low turnover.

I've also noticed that it's frustrating for the care-giver too. Just try to

work together & take things one " step " at a time.

Terri

June 22, 2012

I too am feeling overwhelmed with managing PAs. Here is England there is

extensive employment protection which I generally support except it applies to

me as much as it applies to big companies with HR departments and at the moment

an ex employee of mine is suing me for unfair dismissal so I have a court date

of 17 July handing over me.

I too often feel I just don't want to manage assistance any more but realise

that would effectively be suicide. I can handle SMA just not the PAs!

Have you had blood tests to check thyroid function and iron levels? I just

found out i am anaemic again which often makes me feel v down. My hope is once

get iron levels back up is that I'll have more energy to address managing

assistance.

Could you speak to the person who manages your assistants about how your needs

are not being met?

Can you be specific about how the assistants are not working well so maybe we

can suggest solutions?

I am looking into doing more formal reviews with mine, being really clear with

them on what is working well and what isn't.

Can you refuse to have certain assistants?

I'm glad you've started this topic.

Sent from my iPhone

On 21 Jun 2012, at 15:23, " kookamunga2008 " <karynalaroche@...> wrote:

> Hello Everyone,

>

> I'm hoping that someone out there might be able to help me with some recent

emotional issues regarding attendants.

>

> I have been self directing my care for over 30 years now and lately, I've

discovered that I'm becoming overwhelmed when dealing with attendance number

two, especially new ones. I have become increasingly angry, frustrated,

impatient, basically at my wits end when it comes to my care. I take an

antidepressant and work with a therapist, but lately I've just reached a point

where I don't want to do this anymore. I live in supportive housing, so it's not

like I have two actively recruit new people and, quite frankly, I'm not

interested in bearing the burden of having to go through the process. I know

people who receive funding to direct their own care, but they all complain about

how hard it is to recruit, train and maintain staff.

>

> I just like to know how other people manage to deal with attendant care

frustrations? I've reached the point where I burst into tears whenever I see

certain staff and I simply can't continue to function this way. Any thoughts,

suggestions, and most especially, tips would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you for your help.

> Karyna

>

June 22, 2012

I'm 61 and have been dealing with attendants since I was 43. It's always

been extremely frustrating and every time I have a substitute or a new aide,

I become very anxious.

I do not self-direct. My aides are sent through an agency, so I don't hire

or fire them myself. I, of course, can request a substitute when my regular

aide is out and tell the agency not to send someone if I don't want a

particular attendant. The only good thing about this is when my aide is sick or

on vacation, it's the agency's job to make sure they replace her. The bad

thing is there is too much agency intervention. Either way, it's always

aggravating and frustrating.

I hate saying this but there are more bad aides than good ones. There are

many lazy ones who just want to watch TV, talk on their cell phones, and

sleep. Of course, there are excellent attendants, but they're rare. Many start

out very good, but slack off after getting comfortable in your home. Also,

aides seem to forget that taking care of you is their job. Your home is

not supposed to be a place for them to rest and when you need them, they

shouldn't get annoyed that you're bothering them by interrupting their sleep or

their TV show. Don't get me wrong. I'm very good to my aides and, in fact,

have been accused of spoiling them. I'm not bossy at all and try making

things easy for attendants. I believe it's nice to get along, especially

since we're together 10 hours a day. The problem is that many attendants have

taken advantage of my kindness. Also as I said, aides tend to get very

comfortable in homes they've been working in a long time and forget this is

their workplace. Some even think they're the boss. I hate confrontation and

will do anything to avoid an argument, but there are times I need to discuss

things they're doing or not doing. For me, that is a difficult and

uncomfortable, but necessary thing to do.

There is really no easy answer to how we deal with attendants. Many times

we do let them get away with a lot because we are so heavily dependent on

them and because it's so difficult to find good ones. Also, training them is

a tiring job. I know this from experience! I know that it's nice to be

friendly with our aides, but sometimes when they become good friends with us,

it then becomes very hard telling them what to do. On the other hand, your

aide is with you everyday and you're not always going to be formal and

distant. It's a difficult situation. Of course, the best thing to do when

dealing with attendants is to tell them exactly what you want and need, but for

me that's easier said than done. I think of attendants as a necessary evil.

It's wonderful having them, but it's terrible needing them.

M.

June 22, 2012

, it is amazing that your former aide sues you for unfair dismissal. I

guess you had your reason(s) to fire her or him. I wonder what evidences you

have to present in the court. In anyway, I wish you good luck on July 17!

Melina