Wedding gripes

[Guest guest]

She's tried to sell us her engagement and wedding rings (she got a new set), sell me her wedding dress- of which is SUPPOSEDLY a "made big" size 10. Theres no way in he!! my fiance wants me to lose that much weight. I'm a big woman right now, and I want to get down to 140 b4 the wedding. That's about 70 lbs I have to lose. I don't want to be a friggin' toothpick- and my mother was by no means a toothpick, albeit she is much skinner than I am. Another thing I was told is that u don't "sell off" the dress and bridal set. U just don't- is poor weddiquette. If she were to GIVE them, fine. But she wants to try to make money off of MY happiness, becuz when I move to KY state she wont get any money for PC or anything else anymore. That's one reason I'm moving- that way she cant "hold" me here and try to control me and my future husband. She also is trying to say tht I don't want to take responsibility- that I want everyone else to pay for my wedding. That's not true. I'M the one controlling the guest list, photog and videog, planning colors, plus many other things. So she cant say I am not taking responsibility. I think she's just p!$$Ed cuz SHE didn't have anyone to pay for her wedding dress, and I do. She's p!$$Ed cuz it's been made very clear she is NOT controlling this wedding- which is just what she wants. That's y she gets a 'tude with me about it. Jay and I have actually breifly mentioned going Justice of the Peace- which would be cheaper but there are things I don't know there- I know it's less than 50 ppl- would I still get to walk down an aisle? Whats all entailed with a JotP wedding? I have "The Everything Wedding Etiquette book"- of which my mother says is for "prima donnas". Maybe that will help me. I know that mainly what it is with my mother is she wont get to be center of attn- and that's not how its sposed to go anyhow. No offense to her, and I know this sounds cruel- you would have to know my mother and the things I have dealt with to understand- but I wouldn't put it past her to go into a diabetic reaction just so all attn is focused on her at some point of the special day. ~

[Guest guest]

I can understand your wedding gripes. I had a very small wedding myself, 8 people including my now-husband, my daughter (since been adopted by someone else), my parents-in-law and my parents-in-law's best friends (a married couple with the husband acting as our photographer), the priest and myself. I set up everything including a place to eat after the wedding, getting my engagement and wedding rings and his wedding ring (about $300 all told for those thanks to a jeweler who sold used things and resized them), a small made to order wedding cake (made to order because neither my daughter nor myself could have milk - was hard to find a bakery that could do that in the small town of Waxahachie, TX, but managed it!), getting a dress to wear as a wedding dress (could not wear white or a veil due to my having had 2 children out of wedlock - NOT hubby's fault, met him AFTER the first was born, started dating him AFTER the second was born - but that is the rules in the Catholic Church), getting the flowers, etc. We (hubby and I) paid for everything ourselves (think it ended up costing less than $1000 total including the dinner - helps to go to a Chinese buffet LOL especially since the family who owned said buffet knew us very well and would point out on the buffet what my daughter and I could not have). My relatives were invited but could not afford the trip from Florida to Texas except for the fact that my mother could have but after what she said after getting the invitation my then-fiance (now-hubby) and his mother disinvited her, I was not using a speaker phone and they were in the next room and could hear her very well. I think she did not like having any input into the wedding.

As to it being poor weddiquette to sell of a wedding dress and bridal set, I had not heard of that. I had bought a wedding dress, shoes, veil and everything else necessary shortly after got engaged and before was told could not wear them (it was just under 3 years between engagement and wedding because we had to keep moving to follow my now-hubby's job prospects in the meantime and was never in one place long enough to finish the wedding counseling with the Catholic Church we were with until 1996 - we got married December 14, 1996, engaged January 19, 1994) and I sold them at a consignment shop after I got married, granted I never wore them at my wedding, but I did sell them. I also quite often see wedding gowns and their needs on sale at a store that sells all kinds of used things. But, after reading what you wrote, I see it is your MOTHER trying to sell you her wedding dress, engagement ring and wedding ring - that puts a whole different spin on things - and I was selling to strangers through a consignment shop. The way I see it, if your mother still has her wedding dress, it is traditional for her to give it to her daughter for her wedding if her daughter can use it, NOT sell it to her.

I know nothing about a Justice of the Peace wedding since I got married in the Catholic Church (which was underused for our wedding since even the Catholic Church in Waxahachie could seat about 200 at the time and we only had 8 counting the priest there - probably could have had a JotP one but my hubby is very religious and I try to be so we opted for the church wedding).

T. aka Pegasus

-- Wedding gripes

She's tried to sell us her engagement and wedding rings (she got a new set), sell me her wedding dress- of which is SUPPOSEDLY a "made big" size 10.

Theres no way in he!! my fiance wants me to lose that much weight. I'm a big woman right now, and I want to get down to 140 b4 the wedding. That's about 70 lbs I have to lose. I don't want to be a friggin' toothpick- and my mother was by no means a toothpick, albeit she is much skinner than I am.

Another thing I was told is that u don't "sell off" the dress and bridal set. U just don't- is poor weddiquette. If she were to GIVE them, fine. But she wants to try to make money off of MY happiness, becuz when I move to KY state she wont get any money for PC or anything else anymore. That's one reason I'm moving- that way she cant "hold" me here and try to control me and my future husband.

She also is trying to say tht I don't want to take responsibility- that I want everyone else to pay for my wedding. That's not true. I'M the one controlling the guest list, photog and videog, planning colors, plus many other things. So she cant say I am not taking responsibility.

I think she's just p!$$Ed cuz SHE didn't have anyone to pay for her wedding dress, and I do. She's p!$$Ed cuz it's been made very clear she is NOT controlling this wedding- which is just what she wants. That's y she gets a 'tude with me about it.

Jay and I have actually breifly mentioned going Justice of the Peace- which would be cheaper but there are things I don't know there- I know it's less than 50 ppl- would I still get to walk down an aisle? Whats all entailed with a JotP wedding? I have "The Everything Wedding Etiquette book"- of which my mother says is for "prima donnas". Maybe that will help me.

I know that mainly what it is with my mother is she wont get to be center of attn- and that's not how its sposed to go anyhow. No offense to her, and I know this sounds cruel- you would have to know my mother and the things I have dealt with to understand- but I wouldn't put it past her to go into a diabetic reaction just so all attn is focused on her at some point of the special day.

~

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you, your mother sounds just like my ex mother in law, she had to control everything and if she didn't get her own way she threw a fit. In the end my dad told her to butt out it was mine and ex's day not her's, she didn't like it and made my marriage hell the first 8 yearts we lived with her boy i don't recommend that to anyone. after 14 years i divorced my ex on the grounds of abuse from him and her she encouraged him to hit while pregnant sadly our daughter only lived a day. i still to this day blame her. there were times she was nice but not many.

you might want to elope go get married and come home for a blessing that way your mom won't spoil your day

love

Mandy

[Guest guest]

Pegasus, tysm for your input. As for what u said about your mother being loud enuf for others to hear- I know that very well. My motrher is the same way. For the selling of your dress at a consignment shop- that's different. Its one thing to sell to a friend, store, etc, but u don't sell to your own daughter your wedding dress or rings! I will be converting to Southern Baptist (Mother says I am not actually Catholic cuz I nvr went thru full processes). Idk what we are going to do. I guess we'll wait to see when I get to state of KY hugs -- Wedding gripes She's tried to sell us her engagement and wedding rings (she got a new set), sell me her wedding dress- of which is SUPPOSEDLY a "made big" size 10. Theres no way in he!! my fiance wants me to lose that much weight. I'm a big woman right now, and I want to get down to 140 b4 the wedding. That's about 70 lbs I have to lose. I don't want to be a friggin' toothpick- and my mother was by no means a toothpick, albeit she is much skinner than I am. Another thing I was told is that u don't "sell off" the dress and bridal set. U just don't- is poor weddiquette. If she were to GIVE them, fine. But she wants to try to make money off of MY happiness, becuz when I move to KY state she wont get any money for PC or anything else anymore. That's one reason I'm moving- that way she cant "hold" me here and try to control me and my future husband. She also is trying to say tht I don't want to take responsibility- that I want everyone else to pay for my wedding. That's not true. I'M the one controlling the guest list, photog and videog, planning colors, plus many other things. So she cant say I am not taking responsibility. I think she's just p!$$Ed cuz SHE didn't have anyone to pay for her wedding dress, and I do. She's p!$$Ed cuz it's been made very clear she is NOT controlling this wedding- which is just what she wants. That's y she gets a 'tude with me about it. Jay and I have actually breifly mentioned going Justice of the Peace- which would be cheaper but there are things I don't know there- I know it's less than 50 ppl- would I still get to walk down an aisle? Whats all entailed with a JotP wedding? I have "The Everything Wedding Etiquette book"- of which my mother says is for "prima donnas". Maybe that will help me. I know that mainly what it is with my mother is she wont get to be center of attn- and that's not how its sposed to go anyhow. No offense to her, and I know this sounds cruel- you would have to know my mother and the things I have dealt with to understand- but I wouldn't put it past her to go into a diabetic reaction just so all attn is focused on her at some point of the special day. ~

[Guest guest]

Pegasus, tysm for your input. As for what u said about your mother being loud enuf for others to hear- I know that very well. My motrher is the same way. For the selling of your dress at a consignment shop- that's different. Its one thing to sell to a friend, store, etc, but u don't sell to your own daughter your wedding dress or rings! I will be converting to Southern Baptist (Mother says I am not actually Catholic cuz I nvr went thru full processes). Idk what we are going to do. I guess we'll wait to see when I get to state of KY hugs -- Wedding gripes She's tried to sell us her engagement and wedding rings (she got a new set), sell me her wedding dress- of which is SUPPOSEDLY a "made big" size 10. Theres no way in he!! my fiance wants me to lose that much weight. I'm a big woman right now, and I want to get down to 140 b4 the wedding. That's about 70 lbs I have to lose. I don't want to be a friggin' toothpick- and my mother was by no means a toothpick, albeit she is much skinner than I am. Another thing I was told is that u don't "sell off" the dress and bridal set. U just don't- is poor weddiquette. If she were to GIVE them, fine. But she wants to try to make money off of MY happiness, becuz when I move to KY state she wont get any money for PC or anything else anymore. That's one reason I'm moving- that way she cant "hold" me here and try to control me and my future husband. She also is trying to say tht I don't want to take responsibility- that I want everyone else to pay for my wedding. That's not true. I'M the one controlling the guest list, photog and videog, planning colors, plus many other things. So she cant say I am not taking responsibility. I think she's just p!$$Ed cuz SHE didn't have anyone to pay for her wedding dress, and I do. She's p!$$Ed cuz it's been made very clear she is NOT controlling this wedding- which is just what she wants. That's y she gets a 'tude with me about it. Jay and I have actually breifly mentioned going Justice of the Peace- which would be cheaper but there are things I don't know there- I know it's less than 50 ppl- would I still get to walk down an aisle? Whats all entailed with a JotP wedding? I have "The Everything Wedding Etiquette book"- of which my mother says is for "prima donnas". Maybe that will help me. I know that mainly what it is with my mother is she wont get to be center of attn- and that's not how its sposed to go anyhow. No offense to her, and I know this sounds cruel- you would have to know my mother and the things I have dealt with to understand- but I wouldn't put it past her to go into a diabetic reaction just so all attn is focused on her at some point of the special day. ~