to Mandy

[Guest guest]

I just read your post about your father. Well, I could have written that story myself. It sounded like so much of what I go through with my parents except I have debilitating migraines which causes alot of other things to go wrong medically. Anyway, this year I have decided to spend Christmas at my house only -- no going to the big get-together on Christmas Eve and no going to my parents' that night and the next day. He makes me feel like I'm a disappointment to him, and I just really can't take that in my life right now. I'm 41 and it's taken me this long to make my stand. I haven't been ugly about it. They still have all the access they want to with my 2 children -- their only grandchildren because I'm an only child. But I just refuse to put myself through what I know it would do to me emotionally. This all came down the pike about a week and a half ago, and this is the first time I've decided to share it with anyone.

I just wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and it's just a shame people can't be more compassionate and understanding, especially family. I feel everything you're saying and it's good to get it out. The bitterness will eat you up. That's why I've just "let it go". It still hurts and I still have alot to work on about it but I'm changing my reactions to the way I'm treated or not putting myself in a position to be treated that way (if I can).

Love and understanding,

Christy :-)

[Guest guest]

Thank you Christy!

From: Christy

Sent: Sunday, December 21, 2008 5:11 PM

Subject: Re: to Mandy

Thank you Mandy, and I will listen to you anytime as well.

Christy :-)

to Mandy

I just read your post about your father. Well, I could have written that story myself. It sounded like so much of what I go through with my parents except I have debilitating migraines which causes alot of other things to go wrong medically. Anyway, this year I have decided to spend Christmas at my house only -- no going to the big get-together on Christmas Eve and no going to my parents' that night and the next day. He makes me feel like I'm a disappointment to him, and I just really can't take that in my life right now. I'm 41 and it's taken me this long to make my stand. I haven't been ugly about it. They still have all the access they want to with my 2 children -- their only grandchildren because I'm an only child. But I just refuse to put myself through what I know it would do to me emotionally. This all came down the pike about a week and a half ago, and this is the first time I've decided to share it with anyone.

I just wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and it's just a shame people can't be more compassionate and understanding, especially family. I feel everything you're saying and it's good to get it out. The bitterness will eat you up. That's why I've just "let it go". It still hurts and I still have alot to work on about it but I'm changing my reactions to the way I'm treated or not putting myself in a position to be treated that way (if I can).

Love and understanding,

Christy :-)

[Guest guest]

yup, all we can change is US, our own ways of reacting. I had argued and screamed and ranted, trying to get folks to understand. which only got me a 'there she goes again'

sigh

curiously, when we change our reactions, that changes the relationship

If I can stop reacting, that spoils their 'game'..

Decades ago, when I was also in a sort of similar pain, I went into a card shop that I really liked, for they had great posters. No other customers happened to be in there, and I got into a chat with the gal who was acting as cashier. Turned out the shop was run by recovering female alcoholics.

She shared with me that her family had been supposedly supportive of her while she was drinking, though continually 'putting her down'. When she finally got herself sober and into this program that ran the shop, the family turned major hostile, and ousted her altogether. Curious!

She realized that to be accepted by her family, on a low level, she needed to be an active alcoholic. She told me that she was NOT willing to harm herself just to be able to see her family. WOW!

a little bit different, but to me it said volumes to me, and was a major step of a deep comprehension (that's still a bit INcomprehensible... smile)

Made it much easier for me not to react as much...

After a few decades more, well it felt like that, one day, one told me how much healthier I was

r i g h t

I just smiled

Jean

From: Christy

Sent: Sunday, December 21, 2008 11:49 AM

Subject: to Mandy

I just read your post about your father. Well, I could have written that story myself. It sounded like so much of what I go through with my parents except I have debilitating migraines which causes alot of other things to go wrong medically. Anyway, this year I have decided to spend Christmas at my house only -- no going to the big get-together on Christmas Eve and no going to my parents' that night and the next day. He makes me feel like I'm a disappointment to him, and I just really can't take that in my life right now. I'm 41 and it's taken me this long to make my stand. I haven't been ugly about it. They still have all the access they want to with my 2 children -- their only grandchildren because I'm an only child. But I just refuse to put myself through what I know it would do to me emotionally. This all came down the pike about a week and a half ago, and this is the first time I've decided to share it with anyone.

I just wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and it's just a shame people can't be more compassionate and understanding, especially family. I feel everything you're saying and it's good to get it out. The bitterness will eat you up. That's why I've just "let it go". It still hurts and I still have alot to work on about it but I'm changing my reactions to the way I'm treated or not putting myself in a position to be treated that way (if I can).

Love and understanding,

Christy :-)

[Guest guest]

I read your email earlier, however, did not know just how to answer it without coming across as a fool, ignorant or mean person. It's hard to deal with family, especially when you love them so much which is what they expect.

For years I would just go along with the family so I would not make trouble. During those years I was fairly healthy and hid the major depression coming over me, etc...My mom was almost an angel at times, however, she had her moments when she made me feel a fool and stupid due to an incident during Christmas vacation when I actually died for a couple of minutes. My older sister brought me back by blowing air into my lungs until dad got me to the hospital. That's when everything changed on how I was treated. It would take too long to go explain, however, my parents started changing after I had my hip replaced when I was around 48 I think.

I had been going to counseling and the doctor advised me to live my life the manner in which I wanted to be treated. If there were negative people to exclude them, even if they are family members. I spoke with my parents individually and explained how I felt after dad had retired. Mom is the one who changed, as dad was brought up on the farm and never taught social etiquette. Since Mom's untimely death in 2004 dad is coming around slowly as he's now listening.

If you have an opportunity to speak with your father, tell him until he is ready to face reality that you are sick, then he will be excluded from your life, but not his grandchildren. The reality is your illness and apparently he's ignorant about what you are going through. Don't permit him to take you down or worse. It's your life Please live it and enjoy your children and immediate family.

My sister suffers migraines, which I believe are brought on by her mentally abusive husband, and I fear at times physical abuse. I used to suffer these headaches while I was married, early divorced and staying around negative people. I have not had an attack for about three years since being unemployed, my mom's death and extensive distance between my what I call former sisters and brother. One sister is still in my life and trying to mend fences with dad and I.

Live your LIFE to how it is BEST FOR YOU!! DO NOT Live your life as you feel others feel or want is BEST for YOU! They are wrong and do not know you better than yourself or your maker. Remember, they are ignorant about you totally!!!

Please take careHugs Love & PrayersetteMerry Christmas and Happy New Year :-)

[Guest guest]

ah ette, beautifully said, I think!

Jean

From: ette Limegrover

Sent: Sunday, December 21, 2008 1:13 PM

Subject: Re: to Mandy

I read your email earlier, however, did not know just how to answer it without coming across as a fool, ignorant or mean person. It's hard to deal with family, especially when you love them so much which is what they expect. For years I would just go along with the family so I would not make trouble. During those years I was fairly healthy and hid the major depression coming over me, etc...My mom was almost an angel at times, however, she had her moments when she made me feel a fool and stupid due to an incident during Christmas vacation when I actually died for a couple of minutes. My older sister brought me back by blowing air into my lungs until dad got me to the hospital. That's when everything changed on how I was treated. It would take too long to go explain, however, my parents started changing after I had my hip replaced when I was around 48 I think. I had been going to counseling and the doctor advised me to live my life the manner in which I wanted to be treated. If there were negative people to exclude them, even if they are family members. I spoke with my parents individually and explained how I felt after dad had retired. Mom is the one who changed, as dad was brought up on the farm and never taught social etiquette. Since Mom's untimely death in 2004 dad is coming around slowly as he's now listening.If you have an opportunity to speak with your father, tell him until he is ready to face reality that you are sick, then he will be excluded from your life, but not his grandchildren. The reality is your illness and apparently he's ignorant about what you are going through. Don't permit him to take you down or worse. It's your life Please live it and enjoy your children and immediate family.My sister suffers migraines, which I believe are brought on by her mentally abusive husband, and I fear at times physical abuse. I used to suffer these headaches while I was married, early divorced and staying around negative people. I have not had an attack for about three years since being unemployed, my mom's death and extensive distance between my what I call former sisters and brother. One sister is still in my life and trying to mend fences with dad and I.Live your LIFE to how it is BEST FOR YOU!! DO NOT Live your life as you feel others feel or want is BEST for YOU! They are wrong and do not know you better than yourself or your maker. Remember, they are ignorant about you totally!!!Please take careHugs Love & PrayersetteMerry Christmas and Happy New Year :-)

[Guest guest]

I wish I could understand why families are like this. My mom keeps

asking me when I'm going to be able to stop taking narcotic pain

medicine, even though I've told her AD NAUSEUM that my physical rehab

doctor has said that I will probably NEVER be able to get off

narcotics completely since I can no longer take NSAIDs. I wish she

could just be happy that I've finally found a pain medicine that works

without side effects.

--

Tracey White (tracey.white@...)

Life Partner to Piskur

==

I GoodSearch for National Center for Victims of Crime.Raise money for

*your* favorite charity or school just by searching the Internet or

shopping online with GoodSearch - www.goodsearch.com - powered by

[Guest guest]

TraceyYour mom apparently wants the best for you and doesn't understand what you are going through. My dad stays away from doctors and tells me how they get people on drugs with side effects and to stay away from them. He now knows that I do not do well without my medications. When he asks me I will be able to get off of the drugs I tell him I don't dad, and leave it at that. There's not much he can say after that.

Stay healthy and hang in there.Hugs Love & Prayersette

[Guest guest]

Thank you ette! I'm sorry your family gave you a hard time about being ill!

Stay Safe

Mandy

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

I wish I were a glow worm,A glow worm is never glum.For how can you be gloomyWhen the sun shines out your bum?

A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say

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From: ette Limegrover

Sent: Sunday, December 21, 2008 6:13 PM

Subject: Re: to Mandy

I read your email earlier, however, did not know just how to answer it without coming across as a fool, ignorant or mean person. It's hard to deal with family, especially when you love them so much which is what they expect. For years I would just go along with the family so I would not make trouble. During those years I was fairly healthy and hid the major depression coming over me, etc...My mom was almost an angel at times, however, she had her moments when she made me feel a fool and stupid due to an incident during Christmas vacation when I actually died for a couple of minutes. My older sister brought me back by blowing air into my lungs until dad got me to the hospital. That's when everything changed on how I was treated. It would take too long to go explain, however, my parents started changing after I had my hip replaced when I was around 48 I think. I had been going to counseling and the doctor advised me to live my life the manner in which I wanted to be treated. If there were negative people to exclude them, even if they are family members. I spoke with my parents individually and explained how I felt after dad had retired. Mom is the one who changed, as dad was brought up on the farm and never taught social etiquette. Since Mom's untimely death in 2004 dad is coming around slowly as he's now listening.If you have an opportunity to speak with your father, tell him until he is ready to face reality that you are sick, then he will be excluded from your life, but not his grandchildren. The reality is your illness and apparently he's ignorant about what you are going through. Don't permit him to take you down or worse. It's your life Please live it and enjoy your children and immediate family.My sister suffers migraines, which I believe are brought on by her mentally abusive husband, and I fear at times physical abuse. I used to suffer these headaches while I was married, early divorced and staying around negative people. I have not had an attack for about three years since being unemployed, my mom's death and extensive distance between my what I call former sisters and brother. One sister is still in my life and trying to mend fences with dad and I.Live your LIFE to how it is BEST FOR YOU!! DO NOT Live your life as you feel others feel or want is BEST for YOU! They are wrong and do not know you better than yourself or your maker. Remember, they are ignorant about you totally!!!Please take careHugs Love & PrayersetteMerry Christmas and Happy New Year :-)