Deer Roping in Kansas

[Guest guest]

Deer Roping in Kansas

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put

it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of

weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in

this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that

since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not

seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold

one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags

of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet

away), that it should not be difficult to rope one,

get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it

down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled

the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my

rope.

The cattle had seen the roping thing before, and

stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes my deer showed up, three of

them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out

from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The

deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the

rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would

have a good hold. The deer still just stood and

stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly

concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a

step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little

tension on the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer

may just stand there looking at you funny while you

rope it, they are spurred to action when you start

pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED!

The second thing I learned is that, pound for pound, a

deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow

or a colt in that weight range, I could fight down

with a rope with some dignity. A deer - no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.

There was no controlling it and certainly no getting

close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started

dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that

having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea

as I originally imagined. The only up side is that

they do not have as much stamina as many animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly

as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I

managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to

realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood

flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn-fed

venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off

the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go

with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely

die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there

was no love at all between me and that deer. At that

moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess

that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large

knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's

momentum by bracing my head against various large

rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could

still think

clearly enough to recognize that there was a small

chance that I shared some tiny amount of

responsibility for the situation we were in, so I

didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death.

I managed to get it

lined up back in between my truck and the feeder in a

little sort of trap I had set beforehand, kind of like

a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and

started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a

million years would have thought that a deer would

bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached

up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold

of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not

like being bit by a horse, where they just bite you

and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its

head. Almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it

hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is

probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried

screaming and shaking instead. My method was

ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for

several minutes, but it was likely only several

seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may

be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I

kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm,

I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope

loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior

for the day. Deer will strike at you with their

front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and

strike right about head and shoulder level, and their

hooves

are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago

that when an animal like a horse stri kes at you with

their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best

thing to do is try to make a loud noise, and make an

aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually

cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This

was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such

trickery would not work.

In the course of a millisecond I devised a different

strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn

and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try

to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that

there is a good chance that it will hit you in the

back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all,

besides being twice as strong and three times as evil,

because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in

the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it

does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not

recognize that the danger has passed. What they do

instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you

while you are laying there crying like a little girl

and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl

under the truck and the deer went away.

Now for the local legend.

I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had

several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty

good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly

bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places,

though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me

from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest

place, which was the co-op.

I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and

looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me

through the window and came running out yelling " what

happened? "

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that

would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I

suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked

entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law

enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power,

I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the

existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I

swear... not wanting to admit that I had done

something

monumentally stupid played no part in my response, I

told the co-op guy " I was attacked by a deer. " I did

not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The

evidence of an attack was all over my body. Deer

prints

on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over

me and a large deer print on my face where it had

struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come

get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my

own. He did.

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my

house and wanted to know about the deer attack.

Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and

Wildlife and Parks was interested in the event. I

tried to describe the attack as completely and

accurately as I could. My story was that I was

filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of

nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me

and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or

something.

EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack

(the guy at the co-op has a big mouth).

For several weeks people dragged their kids in the

house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers

carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have

told several people the story, but NEVER anybody

around here. I have to see these people every day,

and as an outsider, a " city folk " , I have enough

trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my

back and whispering " there is the dumb-ass that tried

to rope the deer.

Spiritual freedom is my birthright.

I am a free thinker. I am able to rise above mental

prejudices and stereotypes of others.

I am a free thinker. Nobody and nothing can manipulate

me or deceive me.

I am a free thinker. I freely choose truth and love.

Today, I embrace a greater degree of spiritual

freedom.

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[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, this made me laugh sooooooooo hard. Thanks! You made my

day! ~Kat