down to Mississip'

[Guest guest]

Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip

Every summer, down to Mississip'

To visit my Granny and her antebellum world

I'd run barefooted all day long

Climbin' trees, free as a song

One day I happened to catch myself a squirrel

Well I stuffed him down in an old shoe box

And punched a couple holes in the top

When Sunday came, I snuck him into church

I's sittin' way back in the very last pew

Showin' him to my good buddy Hugh

When that squirrel got loose

and went totally berserk

Well, what happened next is hard to tell

Some thought it was Heaven,

others thought it was Hell

But the fact that somethin'

was among us was plain to see

As the choir sang " I surrender all "

The squirrel run up Harv Newman's coveralls

Harv leaped to his feet and said

" Somethin's got ahold of me! Yow! "

The day the squirrel went berserk

In the First Self-Righteous Church

In that sleepy little town

of Pascagoula, Mississippi

It was a fight for survival

That broke out in revival

They were jumpin' pews and

shoutin' Halelujah, Halelujah

Well, Harv hit the aisles

dancin' and screamin'

Some thought he had religion,

others thought he had a demon

And Harv thought he had a

Weed Eater loose in his Fruit of the Looms

He fell to his knees to plead and beg

And the squirrel ran out of his britches' leg

Unobserved, to the other side of the room

All the way down to the Amen Pew

Where sat sister Bertha Better-Than-You

Who'd been watching all the

commotion with sadistic glee

But you shoulda seen the look in her eyes

When that squirrel jumped her

garters and crossed her thighs

And she jumped to her feet and said

" Lord, have mercy on me! "

As the squirrel made laps inside her dress

She began to cry and then to confess

To sins that would make a sailor blush with shame

She told of gossip and church dissention

But the thing that got the most attention

Was when she talked about her

love life, and then she started naming names

Well, seven deacons and the Pastor got saved

And twenty five thousand dollars got raised

And fifty volunteered for

missions in the Congo on the spot

And even without an invitation

There were at least five hundred rededications

And we all got rebaptized, whether we needed it or not

Now you've heard the Bible story, I guess

How He parted the waters for Moses to pass

O, the miracles God has wrought in this old world

But the one I'll remember 'til my dying day

Is how He put that church back on the narrow way

With a half-crazed Mississippi squirrel

Spiritual freedom is my birthright.

I am a free thinker. I am able to rise above mental

prejudices and stereotypes of others.

I am a free thinker. Nobody and nothing can manipulate

me or deceive me.

I am a free thinker. I freely choose truth and love.

Today, I embrace a greater degree of spiritual

freedom.

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