Wondering

[Guest guest]

That doesn't surprise me one bit! Computers are logical, they do what you tell

them to do and they don't judge you:)

Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

Again, I agree wholeheartedly with this. Both my DH

and I work in entertainment, much of it digital, and

never before in my life have I seen so many Aspies in

one career environment!

a

--- jennifer_thorson <jennifer_thorson@...>

wrote:

> My husband most likely has Asperger's, although I

> only recently

> discovered this. He was a computer programmer until

> recently and

> worked long hours. He would miss meals because he

> was so into

> programming. Then he would come home and get on the

> internet. Even

> today he is always sitting at the computer.

> Computer jobs do not

> require much social skills or professionalism. He

> wore jeans and a

> shirt to work with long hair and a beard. He did

> not interact with

> clients and only had to deal with co-workers which

> was still not

> always good. He is very intelligent and loves to

> mix music when he

> is not surfing the internet or listening to music.

> He has friends

> but they are mostly like him. He does not make very

> good eye

> contact and does not have the best coping skills.

> He was laid off 5

> years ago and had to make a job change. He now brew

> beer and has

> the same work situation as before regarding social

> engagement. I

> think there are a lot of careers that are good for

> people with AS.

> For our children, we are encouraging computers and

> music because

> both of them seem to have a natural talent and

> interest. This goes

> against what the pyschologist said for my daughter

> with autism. We

> address social skills but also believe in helping

> our children

> develop their talents.

>

> Jen

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Mine are 18 (were on Oct 19) and they are

> bored

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh, I am glad that helps! My son is always very verbal with me... not so much

with anyone else. I think that I just went to the extreme with him... like

since he was little, I just talked and talked and talked to him about every

little stupid thing... He doesn't always talk back...but when he does, he's

really honest and it's great. He would be the first to tell someone when they

make a mistake, but as far as explaining his actions or reactions... he simply

can't be bothered with most people. I would just keep trying, asking questions,

and tell him about your day and why you did certain things that you did. It may

help:) Tami

Re: ( ) Wondering

My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the neck!! It drives

me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get expensive. I don't know how to stop

him, cause he usually does it when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing.

Nice to know he's not the only one.

[

[Guest guest]

My son is a shirt chewer too... and pillows, towels, sheets, even clothed

furniture... and when he was a toddler he even chewed on our dog's ears!!!

....yes, he used to bite the dog... and this sweet puppy just cried but never

bit him back... a labrador, of course. After quite a difficult process, he

finally learned that he could not bite any leaving creature, including me!!!!!

He still has most of his baby teeth (just turned 7), so it isn't too

expensive... YET!!! I had not idea that was an AS trait. I thought he needed to

chew on something to stimulate his teeth since he barely eats any solid food. In

a way I'm glad to know it is common among AS kids... I mean, I'm sorry for the

holes on the sheets and shirts you all have already gone through, but at least

we can start dressing him in raw leather before it gets too expensive!!!!

Have a great day. F

---------------------------------

All-new - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Mark: Yes, we've 'spoken' before. That's really good that your son will go to

social groups. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with him. I

can't even get my boys to go talk to a psychologist, let alone a social skills

group. Although they have classes at school that have as many as 20 students in

class to as few as 4 depending on the classes. They have a couple of really

" GOOD " kids that kinda hang around with them and a couple that take up for them

at school. I just learned this year that they are made fun of, which before they

had told me that nobody picked on them. Noah is more social, he even

participated in the mock homecoming this year which was a total shock! I was so

proud of him but n wouldn't even go and watch him.As far as computers,

with them it is not so much the 'tech' end but give them a game and they will

play for 24 hours if I let them.We have two colleges here in the next town so I

guess we can try and send them there, only freshmen have to stay in a dorm,

which might make them grow up or fail miserably. NOW we have the problem of

n failing 11th grade so he is a year behind Noah and I don't see n

going to school next year without Noah.I don't know, I guess we'll just have to

see how things work when we get to that point. We have an appt. Nov 7 with the

vocational rehab 'man'. Maybe he will have some suggestions/answers. Maybe

n can take the GED and go when Noah goes. I can't see one going to college

without the other one. They are too dependant on each other. When Noah (rarely)

spends the night with his friend( who I suspect is on the spectrum) n is

miserable and misses him and mostly sleeps while he is gone.It is a double edged

sword with these twins. They *have* each other but then they depend on each

other too much...Too bad all of us with aspie kids don't live near each other.

We could start our own community and school geared for them.. I'm dreaming but

it would be nice, wouldn't it ?

Re: ( ) Wondering

>

> My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's not

the only one.

>

> [

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tami our dr wrote a note to the school on his letter head stating: B has been

diagnosed with aspergers Disorder with symptoms of Bipolar disorder, recurrent

Major depression and anxiety diagnosis codes Abc... With this condition B may at

times tend to withdraw from activities and experience general/social anxieties

(a feeling of being overwhelmed) causing him to not take part in daily

activities such as school and extracurricular activities in what may be viewed

as excessive absences. Please understand with this condition his avoidance

and absence does not signify a lack of interest but is a symptom of his

potentially debilitating social disorder. In order to help B cope with these

episodes and situations it may be necessary for him 'to take time out' and work

from home, avoiding peer pressure and social situations that may amplify his

symptoms. Please understand that absences caused by his condition are necessary

and should be considered excusable. B is under a treatment plan that includes

counseling and drug therapy which has begun to stabilize his condition and give

him back more control in his scholastic and social life. If further medical

information is needed to confirm his condition and to provide medical excuses

for absences due to these conditions, please call my office.

MY question to these schools w regarding absences is: if they were PHYSICALLY

disabled and needed to miss alot of school would they fail them?? I doubt it!!

Toni

Re: ( ) Wondering

>

> My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's not

the only one.

>

> [

>

>

[Guest guest]

I took the cords away Monday and they slept all day until like 12 am. have been

going the rest of the week so far. As far as guilting them to do something that

doesn't work. Ashamedly when my son called me a f'ing moron Mon am after much

discussion, threatening etc and him blocking my way to prevent me from going

down the hall to my bedroom I told him if he didn't move and get out of my way

and quit calling me names I was going to knock him between the legs with my

crutch, he said' and I will stomp on your foot " . Luckily my mom had spent the

night to take them to school since I can't drive yet and heard all this. I think

before she thought I was exaggerating how he talked to me. When I tell him if he

is going to talk to me like that he can get out of my house, his reply is it

isn't your house you don't even have a job so you don't have a house! And if I

kick him out he will kill himself and my dh will have another dead son ( his 30

yo son od'd last Nov) HOW COLD IS THAT? I feel like a prisoner in my own home

being talked to like a dog (no worse).And how can I kick out a kid that can't

drive, can't get a job etc???

Toni

Re: ( ) Wondering

Lol, I know what you mean... I have to use guilt to get my 6'1 " , 210 lb, 14 yo

baby to take out the trash. He has been getting better. I take the cords to his

beloved computer and video games when he is grounded. He makes threatening

noises towards me, but he will not touch me. He used to throw things, but I told

him next time I will call the cops, because he will not intimidate me in my own

home. He stopped. He doesn't lie to me, tho. Never has. sometimes he sees things

differently than most everyone else does, thinks people are picking on him when

they aren't or thinks people are out to get him, or hate him just because they

say certain words... etc. But for the most part, he is respectful to me... just

keeps saying he " forgets " to do his chores.... even though I left him a note in

huge letters right on the computer screen. I always give him an opportunity to

earn things back. I have learned that if I just take it away and don't give him

an opportunity to redeem himself, that makes his behavior much worse. It may

seem like I am not teaching him anything, but to me, I think it teaches him that

it's not the end of the world if you forget something, but you can't just not do

it, and when you do do it, you get to do the thing you want to do right after.

It's hard because I work 12 hour shifts on the weekends, and I usually leave him

a note saying feed the dog, put the dog out, take out the trash, and feed your

little animals. If I come home and it isn't done, I unplug the computer and make

him do it all, then I plug it back in. Whatever you do, don't let them

intimidate you!! PLEASE!! It's your house, if they refuse to do something you

request, TAKE THEIR CORDS TIL IT " S DONE!! If they threaten you, tell them you

have a right to call the police. That's what happens in the real world. Take

control of your house, it is YOUR house!!! If you told them if they miss school,

they lose the right to play on their games, and they miss school, take those

cords and don't give them back til they go to school the next day. You will be

SHOCKED how fast they start getting their butts to school. I PROMISE YOU!!!

HUGS!!! Tami

-

[Guest guest]

They told me that they don't care if he has a doctor's note, if the absences are

excused or not, 6 absences and he fails 9th grade.... I really hate this

school!! I think that's unfair and rediculous... There is nothing I can do

about it, according to the school... they wont accept any notes, they don't care

if he has Asperger's syndrome. Go figure??

Re: ( ) Wondering

>

> My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's not

the only one.

>

> [

>

>

[Guest guest]

You don't have to kick him out... honest, just take the cords. It is your home

even if dont have a job, you know that! He depends on you, and he loves you, he

just treats you like an ass... I would have a talk with them, say things aren't

working this way. If we all are going to live together, we have to treat

eachother with respect. Lay down the ground rules, tell them what you expect of

them and what you are willing to give them in return... no yelling, no taking

the video games... remind them who pays the electric bill or who bought the

games in the first place, if it was you, and tell them you are a human being and

you will be treated with respect and in return you are going to give them

respect and love. Tell them that they hurt you when they talk to you that way

and ask them how they would feel if you talked to them that way or if their

children talked to them that way? And no matter how hard it is, no matter what

they do to you, TRY SO HARD not to react... just follow through with the

consequences. That is the hardest part because your kids can be so hurtful to

you. That's what I tell my son, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care what you

did as long as you left me alone, but I do love you and sometimes you have to be

disciplined. My heart and my prayers are with you!! Make sure you tell them

you love them as often as you can. Hopefully, it will sink in:)

Re: ( ) Wondering

Lol, I know what you mean... I have to use guilt to get my 6'1 " , 210 lb, 14 yo

baby to take out the trash. He has been getting better. I take the cords to his

beloved computer and video games when he is grounded. He makes threatening

noises towards me, but he will not touch me. He used to throw things, but I told

him next time I will call the cops, because he will not intimidate me in my own

home. He stopped. He doesn't lie to me, tho. Never has. sometimes he sees things

differently than most everyone else does, thinks people are picking on him when

they aren't or thinks people are out to get him, or hate him just because they

say certain words... etc. But for the most part, he is respectful to me... just

keeps saying he " forgets " to do his chores.... even though I left him a note in

huge letters right on the computer screen. I always give him an opportunity to

earn things back. I have learned that if I just take it away and don't give him

an opportunity to redeem himself, that makes his behavior much worse. It may

seem like I am not teaching him anything, but to me, I think it teaches him that

it's not the end of the world if you forget something, but you can't just not do

it, and when you do do it, you get to do the thing you want to do right after.

It's hard because I work 12 hour shifts on the weekends, and I usually leave him

a note saying feed the dog, put the dog out, take out the trash, and feed your

little animals. If I come home and it isn't done, I unplug the computer and make

him do it all, then I plug it back in. Whatever you do, don't let them

intimidate you!! PLEASE!! It's your house, if they refuse to do something you

request, TAKE THEIR CORDS TIL IT " S DONE!! If they threaten you, tell them you

have a right to call the police. That's what happens in the real world. Take

control of your house, it is YOUR house!!! If you told them if they miss school,

they lose the right to play on their games, and they miss school, take those

cords and don't give them back til they go to school the next day. You will be

SHOCKED how fast they start getting their butts to school. I PROMISE YOU!!!

HUGS!!! Tami

-

[Guest guest]

Geez, a good case of chicken pox will make you miss that much

alone......

Jackie

On Oct 26, 2006, at 2:15 PM, Tami Ober wrote:

> They told me that they don't care if he has a doctor's note, if the

> absences are excused or not, 6 absences and he fails 9th grade...

[Guest guest]

They turned 18 on Oct 19th. I am VERY interested if it doesn't cost thousands of

dollars! And thanks for the tip on the specific instructions. I'll defiantly try

that.As far as being harsh sending them away, I WANT to send one of them away if

he doesn't stop threatening me, cussing me, etc so that he can survive on his

own one day or with some assistance. I may sound like a COLD mama but I can't

live in a home where I am verbally abused and physically threatened. See other

post today...Nikki, I sure wish you could have gone someplace like that. Thanks

so much for the offer, it definitely would help sometimes to understand things

from their point of view... I await the link Toni

Re: ( ) Wondering

My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the neck!! It

drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get expensive. I don't know

how to stop him, cause he usually does it when he isn't at home... like a

nervous thing. Nice to know he's not the only one.

[

[Guest guest]

That school sounds wonderful but 40,000 + is way out of my league!

Toni

Re: ( ) Wondering

>

> My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

neck!! It

> drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get expensive. I

don't know

> how to stop him, cause he usually does it when he isn't at home...

like a

> nervous thing. Nice to know he's not the only one.

>

> [

>

>

[Guest guest]

I read this and thought about how hypocritical this

is. In many states all homeschoolers really have to do

is to prove that their children have spent a bare

minimum of 189 schooling hours per year working with

their children, of course we do way more than this and

yet here your son is a part of the system, probably

logging way more than 189hrs per year and they

threaten to fail him over 6 absences? That's nuts!

Can't you contact your school district and ask for

some kind of special exemption to be applied to your

case that covers extra absences? Maybe they could even

send work home with him?

Best,

a

--- Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote:

> They told me that they don't care if he has a

> doctor's note, if the absences are excused or not, 6

> absences and he fails 9th grade.... I really hate

> this school!! I think that's unfair and

> rediculous... There is nothing I can do about it,

> according to the school... they wont accept any

> notes, they don't care if he has Asperger's

> syndrome. Go figure??

> Re: ( ) Wondering

> >

> > Isn't that funny! Well, not really... my son is

> 14, and he still

> does it. He says it's cause he is bored... don't

> know.... he always

> says he is bored... but he never wants to do

> anything... what is a

> mom supposed to do?? Tami

> > ----- Original Message -----

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

EXACTLY!! What is wrong with these schools now a days??? How many people can

make sure their kids get to school every single day, yeah, maybe if they don't

work and their kids never get sick or have to go to the doctors, etc... it's

crazy, so I am trying to get information about homeschooling, but it's so

confusing!!! They don't make it easy, everyone wants you to buy their online

school, or sell you their cirriculum and grade it for you, and I have no idea

what is good or bad.... AHHH!!

Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

Geez, a good case of chicken pox will make you miss that much

alone......

Jackie

On Oct 26, 2006, at 2:15 PM, Tami Ober wrote:

> They told me that they don't care if he has a doctor's note, if the

> absences are excused or not, 6 absences and he fails 9th grade...

[Guest guest]

No, they said no exceptions for any reason, in fact, after they told me this, I

was like, whatever, I am just going to home school him, and last night, I

decided to teach him home ec, to see how he reacted to me teaching him, and he

did great, he made dinner, and he enjoyed it. So today, we overslept and I was

getting ready to bring him in when the school called and left a message on my

machine saying, If he isn't here in the next 15 minutes, we are going to report

him to the principal! really condescending tone, so I just dropped everything

and let him stay home... screw them. I know that was probobly the wrong thing

to do, but no one is going to talk to me like that... sorry. Wrong answer...

was I wrong?? I know I probobly took it too personally, but come on, people...

get over yourselves... that's how I feel. Tami

Re: ( ) Wondering

> >

> > Isn't that funny! Well, not really... my son is

> 14, and he still

> does it. He says it's cause he is bored... don't

> know.... he always

> says he is bored... but he never wants to do

> anything... what is a

> mom supposed to do?? Tami

> > ----- Original Message -----

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I'm glad to know it is common among AS kids... I mean, I'm sorry for the holes

on the sheets and shirts you all have already gone through, but at least we can

start dressing him in raw leather before it gets too expensive!!!!

HAHA , I haven't thought of that. Leather sheets might be a little hot and

smelly...Toni

[Guest guest]

Hi Tami,

If you want to homeschool on a budget - you don't have

to sign up for expensive online schools or

curriculums. There are many affordable book series you

can buy that are in keeping with state standards.

A good place to visit is: www.homeschoolreviews.com

This is a site where regular homeschoolers rate the

curriculum on experience instead of hype or spin.

Best,

a

--- Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote:

> EXACTLY!! What is wrong with these schools now a

> days??? How many people can make sure their kids get

> to school every single day, yeah, maybe if they

> don't work and their kids never get sick or have to

> go to the doctors, etc... it's crazy, so I am trying

> to get information about homeschooling, but it's so

> confusing!!! They don't make it easy, everyone

> wants you to buy their online school, or sell you

> their cirriculum and grade it for you, and I have no

> idea what is good or bad.... AHHH!!

> Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

>

>

>

> Geez, a good case of chicken pox will make you

> miss that much

> alone......

>

> Jackie

>

> On Oct 26, 2006, at 2:15 PM, Tami Ober wrote:

>

> > They told me that they don't care if he has a

> doctor's note, if the

> > absences are excused or not, 6 absences and he

> fails 9th grade...

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I get it, boy I'd be mad as hell too. Just be careful

at this juncture, if you're planning to remove your

son from school. You have to register to homeschool,

each state is different, some are more lenient with

requirements than others.

Goto www.hslda.org and look on the menu bar running

down the left hand side of their site - it should have

something to the tune of laws/requirements by state.

Click on your state and you'll find a run down of what

you have to do to legally cover yourself. In many

cases if you don't legally inform the school that

you're removing your son to homeschool you can be

fined or prosecuted for truancy - something no one

needs!

Good luck,

a

--- Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote:

> No, they said no exceptions for any reason, in fact,

> after they told me this, I was like, whatever, I am

> just going to home school him, and last night, I

> decided to teach him home ec, to see how he reacted

> to me teaching him, and he did great, he made

> dinner, and he enjoyed it. So today, we overslept

> and I was getting ready to bring him in when the

> school called and left a message on my machine

> saying, If he isn't here in the next 15 minutes, we

> are going to report him to the principal! really

> condescending tone, so I just dropped everything

> and let him stay home... screw them. I know that

> was probobly the wrong thing to do, but no one is

> going to talk to me like that... sorry. Wrong

> answer... was I wrong?? I know I probobly took it

> too personally, but come on, people... get over

> yourselves... that's how I feel. Tami

> Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

> >

> > My son didn't want to read the books by aspies

> > either... My son sounds alot like yours.

> Computers,

> > video games, that's his love, well, besides me.

> I

> > called the place I worked to see about getting

> > respite care while I am at work even, and they

> never

> > called me back!! Nice, huh? And they deal with

> lots

> > of kids with developmental disorders... I guess

> only

> > if you don't work there. If I go out, I try to

> get

> > him to go with me, but half of the time he says

> no.

> > Then, if I am gone a bit longer than he thinks I

> > should be, he calls my cell phone about 20

> times.

> > Which is an improvement over him calling the

> poilce

> > a year ago! That was fun. I tried calling him

> like

> > 10 times, and he wouldn't answer the phone, then

> he

> > finally answered the phone when the police were

> > there, and I got to talk to them. My son goes

> out of

> > his way sometimes to offend people. Last year,

> in

> > 8th grade, the school had issues with him

> writing a

> > report in which he depicted Hitler as a great

> > person, which he did to upset them. I was

> mortified,

> > tho... that was awful. He hasn't done anything

> like

> > that this year... but they have informed us that

> if

> > he misses more than 6 days of the school year,

> > excused or not, he will fail 9th grade no matter

> > what his grades are. Which, for a kid with

> > Asperger's is totally unreasonable. I had to

> keep

> > him home 3 thursdays in a row because I had to

> work

> > 7 am to 6 pm in Auburn, which is an hour drive,

> and

> > I had no way to get him to school or get him

> home

> > and they refused to put him on a bus, then said

> to

> > me, that my job was no excuse for him missing

> > school. Then, he broke his glasses, and i had to

> > take him to the eye doctor... he can't see

> without

> > them, so what's the point of sending him? I did

> that

> > last year, and all the school did was complain

> to me

> > that he refused to do anything because he

> couldn't

> > see. On top of that, he was sick with a fever a

> few

> > weeks ago, and I kept him home. So that is 5

> > already, and he is having a route canal on

> November

> > 3rd, which he will miss school for, so that

> means he

> > fails 9th grade??? How rediculous! I may have to

> > homeschool him. I have 3 and 1/2 days off a

> week...

> > I don't know if that is enough time to

> homeschool

> > him...AHHHH!!!

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: Dawn

> >

> > Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 9:14 AM

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tami,

Here's a link you might find interesting:

http://www.bayshoreeducational.com/special.html

a

--- Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote:

> No, they said no exceptions for any reason, in fact,

> after they told me this, I was like, whatever, I am

> just going to home school him, and last night, I

> decided to teach him home ec, to see how he reacted

> to me teaching him, and he did great, he made

> dinner, and he enjoyed it. So today, we overslept

> and I was getting ready to bring him in when the

> school called and left a message on my machine

> saying, If he isn't here in the next 15 minutes, we

> are going to report him to the principal! really

> condescending tone, so I just dropped everything

> and let him stay home... screw them. I know that

> was probobly the wrong thing to do, but no one is

> going to talk to me like that... sorry. Wrong

> answer... was I wrong?? I know I probobly took it

> too personally, but come on, people... get over

> yourselves... that's how I feel. Tami

> Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

> >

> > My son didn't want to read the books by aspies

> > either... My son sounds alot like yours.

> Computers,

> > video games, that's his love, well, besides me.

> I

> > called the place I worked to see about getting

> > respite care while I am at work even, and they

> never

> > called me back!! Nice, huh? And they deal with

> lots

> > of kids with developmental disorders... I guess

> only

> > if you don't work there. If I go out, I try to

> get

> > him to go with me, but half of the time he says

> no.

> > Then, if I am gone a bit longer than he thinks I

> > should be, he calls my cell phone about 20

> times.

> > Which is an improvement over him calling the

> poilce

> > a year ago! That was fun. I tried calling him

> like

> > 10 times, and he wouldn't answer the phone, then

> he

> > finally answered the phone when the police were

> > there, and I got to talk to them. My son goes

> out of

> > his way sometimes to offend people. Last year,

> in

> > 8th grade, the school had issues with him

> writing a

> > report in which he depicted Hitler as a great

> > person, which he did to upset them. I was

> mortified,

> > tho... that was awful. He hasn't done anything

> like

> > that this year... but they have informed us that

> if

> > he misses more than 6 days of the school year,

> > excused or not, he will fail 9th grade no matter

> > what his grades are. Which, for a kid with

> > Asperger's is totally unreasonable. I had to

> keep

> > him home 3 thursdays in a row because I had to

> work

> > 7 am to 6 pm in Auburn, which is an hour drive,

> and

> > I had no way to get him to school or get him

> home

> > and they refused to put him on a bus, then said

> to

> > me, that my job was no excuse for him missing

> > school. Then, he broke his glasses, and i had to

> > take him to the eye doctor... he can't see

> without

> > them, so what's the point of sending him? I did

> that

> > last year, and all the school did was complain

> to me

> > that he refused to do anything because he

> couldn't

> > see. On top of that, he was sick with a fever a

> few

> > weeks ago, and I kept him home. So that is 5

> > already, and he is having a route canal on

> November

> > 3rd, which he will miss school for, so that

> means he

> > fails 9th grade??? How rediculous! I may have to

> > homeschool him. I have 3 and 1/2 days off a

> week...

> > I don't know if that is enough time to

> homeschool

> > him...AHHHH!!!

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: Dawn

> >

> > Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 9:14 AM

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Toni,

Keep hanging in there for your sons. I am glad that your two sons

care for each other.......that in itself is good, right? For ,

I constantly worry how he is going to develop friendships if he is so

willing to stay at home and on the computer (games, surfing,

downloading music). We are also looking at having him in a dorm too,

but I still thinks he needs to develop more socially and

cognitively. My son is very kind, but passive. He is a quiet

Asperger personality.

Many asperger/autism families I know have children that are very

talkative and physical. , though, is the intellectual, quiet

type so it seems that it is much more difficult for him to meet

others. He also has TAR syndrome (a birth abnormality in the arms),

and this too has made his social issues even more difficult.

I do think more Asperger families need to bond together. I am

constantly seeking families in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area. It is a

constant search and it is so nice when I can talk freely with another

family that understands my son's and family life.

Cheers

Mark

> >

> > Mine are 18 (were on Oct 19) and they are bored with EVERYTHING

> but computers. Say we never go anywhere, then we plan a weekend

trip

> and they back out.When you figure out what a mom is supposed to

do ,

> something else gets thrown at ya!

> > Toni

> > Re: ( ) Wondering

> >

> > My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

> neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

> expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

> when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's

not

> the only one.

> >

> > [

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That is NOT right. I wouldn't know who to contact about this but that is just

not RIGHT!! I am getting sick to my stomach thinking about all we as parents

have to go through just to get a d@mn education for our kids...

I

Re: ( ) Wondering

>

> My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's not

the only one.

>

> [

>

>

[Guest guest]

DH gets home Sun night, after he rests we are going to sit down and have another

family discussion. I can't live like this... He knows I love him and we all tell

each other several times a day that we love each other. I think dh and I need to

write down some rules where they can see them. Ex You miss school, you don't

touch any electronics (can't just say computer cuz then they'll say well

playstation isn't computer) Maybe if it is written down they won't try and twist

our words and argue for 2 hours over one misplaced word. Thanks for the prayers

and good advice...

When B got home today I had talked to his dad on the phone and dh told them

before he left if they helped me and went to school everyday he would give them

some more birthday money. B found out that now he wasn't going to get the money

and said well, I just won't go to f'ing school tomorrow then and forget about me

trying to make good grades, I'll just fail...oh well...

Re: ( ) Wondering

Lol, I know what you mean... I have to use guilt to get my 6'1 " , 210 lb, 14 yo

baby to take out the trash. He has been getting better. I take the cords to his

beloved computer and video games when he is grounded. He makes threatening

noises towards me, but he will not touch me. He used to throw things, but I told

him next time I will call the cops, because he will not intimidate me in my own

home. He stopped. He doesn't lie to me, tho. Never has. sometimes he sees things

differently than most everyone else does, thinks people are picking on him when

they aren't or thinks people are out to get him, or hate him just because they

say certain words... etc. But for the most part, he is respectful to me... just

keeps saying he " forgets " to do his chores.... even though I left him a note in

huge letters right on the computer screen. I always give him an opportunity to

earn things back. I have learned that if I just take it away and don't give him

an opportunity to redeem himself, that makes his behavior much worse. It may

seem like I am not teaching him anything, but to me, I think it teaches him that

it's not the end of the world if you forget something, but you can't just not do

it, and when you do do it, you get to do the thing you want to do right after.

It's hard because I work 12 hour shifts on the weekends, and I usually leave him

a note saying feed the dog, put the dog out, take out the trash, and feed your

little animals. If I come home and it isn't done, I unplug the computer and make

him do it all, then I plug it back in. Whatever you do, don't let them

intimidate you!! PLEASE!! It's your house, if they refuse to do something you

request, TAKE THEIR CORDS TIL IT " S DONE!! If they threaten you, tell them you

have a right to call the police. That's what happens in the real world. Take

control of your house, it is YOUR house!!! If you told them if they miss school,

they lose the right to play on their games, and they miss school, take those

cords and don't give them back til they go to school the next day. You will be

SHOCKED how fast they start getting their butts to school. I PROMISE YOU!!!

HUGS!!! Tami

-

[Guest guest]

I'm hanging, Mark, by a thread sometimes, but I love them with everything that I

am and thats why it hurts so much when I am treated so disrespectfully. It *is*

a good thing that they have each other. Intellectual, quiet type sounds very

good to me right now...

Toni

Re: ( ) Wondering

> >

> > My son is a shirt chewer... he chews on the sleeves and the

> neck!! It drives me crazy!! Holes in his shirts... it can get

> expensive. I don't know how to stop him, cause he usually does it

> when he isn't at home... like a nervous thing. Nice to know he's

not

> the only one.

> >

> > [

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

What kind of education/schooling do you need to get into that field?

Toni

Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

Again, I agree wholeheartedly with this. Both my DH

and I work in entertainment, much of it digital, and

never before in my life have I seen so many Aspies in

one career environment!

a

--- jennifer_thorson <jennifer_thorson@...>

wrote:

> My husband most likely has Asperger's, although I

> only recently

> discovered this. He was a computer programmer until

> recently and

> worked long hours. He would miss meals because he

> was so into

> programming. Then he would come home and get on the

> internet. Even

> today he is always sitting at the computer.

> Computer jobs do not

> require much social skills or professionalism. He

> wore jeans and a

> shirt to work with long hair and a beard. He did

> not interact with

> clients and only had to deal with co-workers which

> was still not

> always good. He is very intelligent and loves to

> mix music when he

> is not surfing the internet or listening to music.

> He has friends

> but they are mostly like him. He does not make very

> good eye

> contact and does not have the best coping skills.

> He was laid off 5

> years ago and had to make a job change. He now brew

> beer and has

> the same work situation as before regarding social

> engagement. I

> think there are a lot of careers that are good for

> people with AS.

> For our children, we are encouraging computers and

> music because

> both of them seem to have a natural talent and

> interest. This goes

> against what the pyschologist said for my daughter

> with autism. We

> address social skills but also believe in helping

> our children

> develop their talents.

>

> Jen

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Mine are 18 (were on Oct 19) and they are

> bored

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thanks alot for the advice, I am in kind of a hurry to get this going. I am not

having my son fail highschool on the basis of anything but his grades. So I

have to get going on this asap. I know i have to mail some sort of form to the

government stating that I intend to homeschool, I can do that, but I need to get

cirriculum and someone to register his grades... AHHH!! I will check out your

links, and thanks again!! Tami

Re: ( ) Re: Wondering

> >

> > My son didn't want to read the books by aspies

> > either... My son sounds alot like yours.

> Computers,

> > video games, that's his love, well, besides me.

> I

> > called the place I worked to see about getting

> > respite care while I am at work even, and they

> never

> > called me back!! Nice, huh? And they deal with

> lots

> > of kids with developmental disorders... I guess

> only

> > if you don't work there. If I go out, I try to

> get

> > him to go with me, but half of the time he says

> no.

> > Then, if I am gone a bit longer than he thinks I

> > should be, he calls my cell phone about 20

> times.

> > Which is an improvement over him calling the

> poilce

> > a year ago! That was fun. I tried calling him

> like

> > 10 times, and he wouldn't answer the phone, then

> he

> > finally answered the phone when the police were

> > there, and I got to talk to them. My son goes

> out of

> > his way sometimes to offend people. Last year,

> in

> > 8th grade, the school had issues with him

> writing a

> > report in which he depicted Hitler as a great

> > person, which he did to upset them. I was

> mortified,

> > tho... that was awful. He hasn't done anything

> like

> > that this year... but they have informed us that

> if

> > he misses more than 6 days of the school year,

> > excused or not, he will fail 9th grade no matter

> > what his grades are. Which, for a kid with

> > Asperger's is totally unreasonable. I had to

> keep

> > him home 3 thursdays in a row because I had to

> work

> > 7 am to 6 pm in Auburn, which is an hour drive,

> and

> > I had no way to get him to school or get him

> home

> > and they refused to put him on a bus, then said

> to

> > me, that my job was no excuse for him missing

> > school. Then, he broke his glasses, and i had to

> > take him to the eye doctor... he can't see

> without

> > them, so what's the point of sending him? I did

> that

> > last year, and all the school did was complain

> to me

> > that he refused to do anything because he

> couldn't

> > see. On top of that, he was sick with a fever a

> few

> > weeks ago, and I kept him home. So that is 5

> > already, and he is having a route canal on

> November

> > 3rd, which he will miss school for, so that

> means he

> > fails 9th grade??? How rediculous! I may have to

> > homeschool him. I have 3 and 1/2 days off a

> week...

> > I don't know if that is enough time to

> homeschool

> > him...AHHHH!!!

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: Dawn

> >

> > Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 9:14 AM

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I work with a girl who has muscular distrophy and slight mental retardation, and

she is the most manipulative, lying person I have ever met. She refuses to do

things, threatens to do this if I do that, and let me tell you, when I stick to

my guns, she gives in. EVERY TIME>>> NO EXCEPTIONS> The first few weeks were

HORRIBLE!! I thought I was going to lose my mind... she was the most ungrateful

little brat to me... but after that, she knew I was serious, I meant what I

said, and I said what I meant, and I wasn't going to be intimidated by her, she

stopped most of the crap. My son does the same thing at times, if you make me

do this, I will do that... I say well, if you do that, these are going to be the

consequences. And he stopped after a while... but if I gave in, he would have

never stopped. I have taken psychology, been through intensive family therapy

course, I work with developmentally disabled adults for a living. You can't

ever give in to them. Be kind, but firm. They will tell you they hate you,

they are going to kill themselves, most people who tell you they are going to

kill themselves aren't going to they just want you to feel bad, and they will

threaten you. Just be strong. They are counting on you to enforce the

boundaries. You are a strong woman. I can tell. You can get through this.

Keep talking to them. But don't let them treat you like anything you don't

deserve. You deserve love and respect. Your job is hard. They are old enough

to understand that you get what you give. Actions have consequences, some good

and some bad. I like to distract my son by telling him stuff like, " If you take

out the garbage, we can make cookies or play a game together... " I am lucky

that he wants to do things with me and spend time with me... even at 14. Don't

make it all about money, money is a good motivator, but so is positive

attention. But take care of yourself!! Be nice to yourself. You deserve it.

Good thoughts!! Tami

Re: ( ) Wondering

Lol, I know what you mean... I have to use guilt to get my 6'1 " , 210 lb, 14 yo

baby to take out the trash. He has been getting better. I take the cords to his

beloved computer and video games when he is grounded. He makes threatening

noises towards me, but he will not touch me. He used to throw things, but I told

him next time I will call the cops, because he will not intimidate me in my own

home. He stopped. He doesn't lie to me, tho. Never has. sometimes he sees things

differently than most everyone else does, thinks people are picking on him when

they aren't or thinks people are out to get him, or hate him just because they

say certain words... etc. But for the most part, he is respectful to me... just

keeps saying he " forgets " to do his chores.... even though I left him a note in

huge letters right on the computer screen. I always give him an opportunity to

earn things back. I have learned that if I just take it away and don't give him

an opportunity to redeem himself, that makes his behavior much worse. It may

seem like I am not teaching him anything, but to me, I think it teaches him that

it's not the end of the world if you forget something, but you can't just not do

it, and when you do do it, you get to do the thing you want to do right after.

It's hard because I work 12 hour shifts on the weekends, and I usually leave him

a note saying feed the dog, put the dog out, take out the trash, and feed your

little animals. If I come home and it isn't done, I unplug the computer and make

him do it all, then I plug it back in. Whatever you do, don't let them

intimidate you!! PLEASE!! It's your house, if they refuse to do something you

request, TAKE THEIR CORDS TIL IT " S DONE!! If they threaten you, tell them you

have a right to call the police. That's what happens in the real world. Take

control of your house, it is YOUR house!!! If you told them if they miss school,

they lose the right to play on their games, and they miss school, take those

cords and don't give them back til they go to school the next day. You will be

SHOCKED how fast they start getting their butts to school. I PROMISE YOU!!!

HUGS!!! Tami

-