Re: RA and Depression

[Guest guest]

Hello All,

I am very glad that so many of us are talking about depression

with RA. There have been many downs and many ups in my life. Right

now, the downs are winning. Having RA is a very scary time because it

is like reliving my bout with manic-depressive illness 20 years ago.

I recovered beautifully from that experience by hard work and

tenacity and was able to passionately work as a social worker with

unaccompanied refugee minors, placing them in foster care. Later I

worked for 12 years as executive director of a social service agency

serving rural poor. I struggled with fibromyalgia for 30 years but

it was manageable and I didn't lose work because of it. I took comp

time after working too hard. I left that position to move 2 years

ago to nurture a new relationship which is still going strong.

However, since then my health has taken more than one turn for the

worst. In August 2001 I was dx with heart disease and RA was also

suspected. I developed pusatile tinnitus from the BP meds. This

past May, I had my first major RA flare after suffering with

neuropathy since January. Wow, we all know what that was like, yes?

I was depressed but handled that with a technique that I learned from

Dr. beth Kubler-Ross, the author of " On Death and Dying. " I

beat on my bed with a piece of hose, crying, screaming and shouting

out my anger and hurt to God. That really helped for more than a

month.

Only 3 weeks after going back to a new great-paying,

prestigious job as a program analyst after 2 1/2 months out on short-

term disability, I had two angina attacks and needed an angioplasty.

Unfortunately, I had internal bleeding complications that sent me to

intensive care, needing 3 units of blood. My liver function tests

were not normal so I had to stop the MX for a while. Less than 24

hrs. of being home, my love had a freak accident, cutting off a tip

of a finger in a mailbox. Within 2 wks I had another major flare and

required double the prednisone and slow reintroduction of MX. Soon I

developed vertigo from an ear infection. After another 2 1/2 months

on disability, I lost my job because I was not well enough to work

full-time. I was handling my illness quite well with the belief that

I would be able to work with accommodations. My employer and I were

working on that. The job loss, the pain, and the fear of financial

ruin threw me into a deeper depression. I am taking more

antidepressants than I needed for many, many years. I have

neuropathy every day. The pulsatile tinnitus continues

with the vertigo recently returning and hanging on for over 7 weeks.

I have applied for SSDI.

On top of all this, my beloved dog had a leg amputated due to

cancer in November and my beloved cat now is in the early stages of

kidney failure. I wonder how much more I can take. When I think the

worst is over, more comes along. I was just dx with scabies that I

contracted first on the sole of my foot. The only places that I have

gone barefoot is at the local pool when exercising for RA and heart

disease and at many doctor's offices and medical testing facilities.

Am I more susceptible to getting something as unusual as scabies

because of my immuno-suppressive drugs? And then two days ago, I

found a lump in my dog's groin, near her stump. I will take her to

the vet on Tues., praying that it is not more cancer. The vet said

that the amputation was curative. What is this?

As you can imagine, anxiety is my constant companion. I am in

therapy, venting and crying a lot, beginning to focus on relaxation

techniques. I have never been suicidal because I know that I have

made it through horrific times in the past and I will do it again. I

have wonderful family and friends who love and support me and I will

never give up. I want to leave them with a legacy that tells them

that life is worth living. I have shared with them my pending

poverty after I use up my savings. I trust that they will not let me

become destitute. For over 20 years, I served the poverty-stricken

population. I found most to be endearing and many to be hard workers

caught in bad economic times. I now join them in even worse economic

times. It is terrifying to be in this place yet I am depending on my

resourcefulness to get me through. I learned years ago to ask for

what I need. Certainly, my ego has taken a lot of blows but I

recognize that there are alternatives choices to make.

There are substitutes for the activities that brought me joy in years

past. I am relying on my creativity to bring joy back into my life.

I am discovering new people, new things, new life in surprising

places. The world is a huge diamond with more facets than we can

count. Right now I see mostly the dull facets, the dark ones that

have little or no light shining on them. I continue to see and to

seek the ones that glow with brilliance. With the grace of the

Divine One, they do exist!

I had the privilege of working with refugees who suffered

atrocities that outweigh my suffering. I usually don't compare the

worst of our sufferings instead I do look to them and other survivors

of tragedies as guides. One of my favorite quotes from Dr.

Tournier in a book, " Creative Suffering, " is: " Courage is not

taught, it is caught. " This is why this message board is so helpful

to us all. Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. I wish us

all a glorious future! Peace, Maxine

[Guest guest]

Maxine,

My thoughts, prayers and well wishes are with you. You seem to be a

remarkable to be able to cope with all you have to. I applaud you and

your attitude.

I myself find that I have 2 choices, I can either mope around feeling

sorry for myself or try to find the humor in any given situation. I

too am seeing a really remarkable therapist for help in dealing with

depression and anxiety. Maybe one day I can learn to cope ...but I

take it one day at a time.

Much Love,

Rose

> Hello All,

> I am very glad that so many of us are talking about

depression

> with RA. There have been many downs and many ups in my life.

Right

> now, the downs are winning. Having RA is a very scary time because

it

> is like reliving my bout with manic-depressive illness 20 years

ago.

> I recovered beautifully from that experience by hard work and

> tenacity and was able to passionately work as a social worker with

> unaccompanied refugee minors, placing them in foster care. Later I

> worked for 12 years as executive director of a social service

agency

> serving rural poor. I struggled with fibromyalgia for 30 years but

> it was manageable and I didn't lose work because of it. I took

comp

> time after working too hard. I left that position to move 2 years

> ago to nurture a new relationship which is still going strong.

> However, since then my health has taken more than one turn for the

> worst. In August 2001 I was dx with heart disease and RA was also

> suspected. I developed pusatile tinnitus from the BP meds. This

> past May, I had my first major RA flare after suffering with

> neuropathy since January. Wow, we all know what that was like,

yes?

> I was depressed but handled that with a technique that I learned

from

> Dr. beth Kubler-Ross, the author of " On Death and Dying. " I

> beat on my bed with a piece of hose, crying, screaming and shouting

> out my anger and hurt to God. That really helped for more than a

> month.

> Only 3 weeks after going back to a new great-paying,

> prestigious job as a program analyst after 2 1/2 months out on

short-

> term disability, I had two angina attacks and needed an

angioplasty.

> Unfortunately, I had internal bleeding complications that sent me

to

> intensive care, needing 3 units of blood. My liver function tests

> were not normal so I had to stop the MX for a while. Less than 24

> hrs. of being home, my love had a freak accident, cutting off a tip

> of a finger in a mailbox. Within 2 wks I had another major flare

and

> required double the prednisone and slow reintroduction of MX. Soon

I

> developed vertigo from an ear infection. After another 2 1/2

months

> on disability, I lost my job because I was not well enough to work

> full-time. I was handling my illness quite well with the belief

that

> I would be able to work with accommodations. My employer and I

were

> working on that. The job loss, the pain, and the fear of financial

> ruin threw me into a deeper depression. I am taking more

> antidepressants than I needed for many, many years. I have

> neuropathy every day. The pulsatile tinnitus continues

> with the vertigo recently returning and hanging on for over 7

weeks.

> I have applied for SSDI.

> On top of all this, my beloved dog had a leg amputated due

to

> cancer in November and my beloved cat now is in the early stages of

> kidney failure. I wonder how much more I can take. When I think

the

> worst is over, more comes along. I was just dx with scabies that I

> contracted first on the sole of my foot. The only places that I

have

> gone barefoot is at the local pool when exercising for RA and heart

> disease and at many doctor's offices and medical testing

facilities.

> Am I more susceptible to getting something as unusual as scabies

> because of my immuno-suppressive drugs? And then two days ago, I

> found a lump in my dog's groin, near her stump. I will take her to

> the vet on Tues., praying that it is not more cancer. The vet said

> that the amputation was curative. What is this?

> As you can imagine, anxiety is my constant companion. I am in

> therapy, venting and crying a lot, beginning to focus on relaxation

> techniques. I have never been suicidal because I know that I have

> made it through horrific times in the past and I will do it again.

I

> have wonderful family and friends who love and support me and I

will

> never give up. I want to leave them with a legacy that tells them

> that life is worth living. I have shared with them my pending

> poverty after I use up my savings. I trust that they will not let

me

> become destitute. For over 20 years, I served the poverty-stricken

> population. I found most to be endearing and many to be hard

workers

> caught in bad economic times. I now join them in even worse

economic

> times. It is terrifying to be in this place yet I am depending on

my

> resourcefulness to get me through. I learned years ago to ask for

> what I need. Certainly, my ego has taken a lot of blows but I

> recognize that there are alternatives choices to make.

> There are substitutes for the activities that brought me joy in

years

> past. I am relying on my creativity to bring joy back into my

life.

> I am discovering new people, new things, new life in surprising

> places. The world is a huge diamond with more facets than we can

> count. Right now I see mostly the dull facets, the dark ones that

> have little or no light shining on them. I continue to see and to

> seek the ones that glow with brilliance. With the grace of the

> Divine One, they do exist!

> I had the privilege of working with refugees who suffered

> atrocities that outweigh my suffering. I usually don't compare the

> worst of our sufferings instead I do look to them and other

survivors

> of tragedies as guides. One of my favorite quotes from Dr.

> Tournier in a book, " Creative Suffering, " is: " Courage is not

> taught, it is caught. " This is why this message board is so

helpful

> to us all. Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. I wish us

> all a glorious future! Peace, Maxine

[Guest guest]

Dear Rose, Meredith and Sandy,

I am so grateful for your kind thoughts and prayers. Wow! You

really brought me joy! There are times that I know how strong and

resourceful I am yet life keeps on adding more, testing me and my

faith and sometimes I wonder how much more I can take. No matter

what, though, I have NO thoughts of doing myself in. What kind of

message does that send my loved ones? It would say, " You don't

matter, you never did. " Sure, after death, I wouldn't know their

pain. Thank goodness, knowing what hurt it will cause prevents me

from acting now. My mother used to threaten suicide and I lived with

the anxiety from childhood to my adult years. Once my three sisters

and I learned about the genetic nature of clinical depression (there

are 10 females and 3 males on my mother's side of the family), we

forgave her. We got her treatment through medications when she was

in the nursing home (she refused to go into therapy when she was on

her own), and we watched her recover to the point that she and we

enjoyed her last couple years until her death at age 84. Clinical

depression is not a weakness, it is an illness.

For those with chronic pain, situational depression is part of

the grieving process. Sometimes medication is not necessary but

sometimes it is. I can certainly relate to those who have written

about depression coming with the loss of the ability to do the things

we once did. The loss of not being able to work outdoors, one of my

favorite pasttimes, was the reason for my beating on the bed with a

hose. I missed my former life with just manic-depressive illness and

fibromyalgia. Boy, did that surprise me! That is why I didn't need

an antidepressant to lift me then. However, the continuing losses

related to my job/financial security and my pets pushed me into the

biochemical changes that required an increase in medications. They

work and I thank God for them. I hate the fact that I need to take

so many medications for manic-depressive illness, heart

disease/hypertension, vertigo, and RA, but what is the alternative?

I do take supplements and homeopathic remedies but they don't take

care of all my needs. My job is to see my docs, take the meds and

surround myself with mentally healthy people (this is where this

group comes in) and fun and interesting things to do with what I

have.

Thanks again, dear new friends, I wish you a wonderful life!

Warm regards, Maxine

> > Hello All,

> > I am very glad that so many of us are talking about

> depression

> > with RA. There have been many downs and many ups in my life.

> Right

> > now, the downs are winning. Having RA is a very scary time

because

> it

> > is like reliving my bout with manic-depressive illness 20 years

> ago.

> > I recovered beautifully from that experience by hard work and

> > tenacity and was able to passionately work as a social worker

with

> > unaccompanied refugee minors, placing them in foster care. Later

I

> > worked for 12 years as executive director of a social service

> agency

> > serving rural poor. I struggled with fibromyalgia for 30 years

but

> > it was manageable and I didn't lose work because of it. I took

> comp

> > time after working too hard. I left that position to move 2

years

> > ago to nurture a new relationship which is still going strong.

> > However, since then my health has taken more than one turn for

the

> > worst. In August 2001 I was dx with heart disease and RA was

also

> > suspected. I developed pusatile tinnitus from the BP meds. This

> > past May, I had my first major RA flare after suffering with

> > neuropathy since January. Wow, we all know what that was like,

> yes?

> > I was depressed but handled that with a technique that I learned

> from

> > Dr. beth Kubler-Ross, the author of " On Death and Dying. " I

> > beat on my bed with a piece of hose, crying, screaming and

shouting

> > out my anger and hurt to God. That really helped for more than a

> > month.

> > Only 3 weeks after going back to a new great-paying,

> > prestigious job as a program analyst after 2 1/2 months out on

> short-

> > term disability, I had two angina attacks and needed an

> angioplasty.

> > Unfortunately, I had internal bleeding complications that sent me

> to

> > intensive care, needing 3 units of blood. My liver function

tests

> > were not normal so I had to stop the MX for a while. Less than

24

> > hrs. of being home, my love had a freak accident, cutting off a

tip

> > of a finger in a mailbox. Within 2 wks I had another major flare

> and

> > required double the prednisone and slow reintroduction of MX.

Soon

> I

> > developed vertigo from an ear infection. After another 2 1/2

> months

> > on disability, I lost my job because I was not well enough to

work

> > full-time. I was handling my illness quite well with the belief

> that

> > I would be able to work with accommodations. My employer and I

> were

> > working on that. The job loss, the pain, and the fear of

financial

> > ruin threw me into a deeper depression. I am taking more

> > antidepressants than I needed for many, many years. I have

> > neuropathy every day. The pulsatile tinnitus continues

> > with the vertigo recently returning and hanging on for over 7

> weeks.

> > I have applied for SSDI.

> > On top of all this, my beloved dog had a leg amputated due

> to

> > cancer in November and my beloved cat now is in the early stages

of

> > kidney failure. I wonder how much more I can take. When I think

> the

> > worst is over, more comes along. I was just dx with scabies that

I

> > contracted first on the sole of my foot. The only places that I

> have

> > gone barefoot is at the local pool when exercising for RA and

heart

> > disease and at many doctor's offices and medical testing

> facilities.

> > Am I more susceptible to getting something as unusual as scabies

> > because of my immuno-suppressive drugs? And then two days ago, I

> > found a lump in my dog's groin, near her stump. I will take her

to

> > the vet on Tues., praying that it is not more cancer. The vet

said

> > that the amputation was curative. What is this?

> > As you can imagine, anxiety is my constant companion. I am

in

> > therapy, venting and crying a lot, beginning to focus on

relaxation

> > techniques. I have never been suicidal because I know that I

have

> > made it through horrific times in the past and I will do it

again.

> I

> > have wonderful family and friends who love and support me and I

> will

> > never give up. I want to leave them with a legacy that tells

them

> > that life is worth living. I have shared with them my pending

> > poverty after I use up my savings. I trust that they will not

let

> me

> > become destitute. For over 20 years, I served the poverty-

stricken

> > population. I found most to be endearing and many to be hard

> workers

> > caught in bad economic times. I now join them in even worse

> economic

> > times. It is terrifying to be in this place yet I am depending

on

> my

> > resourcefulness to get me through. I learned years ago to ask

for

> > what I need. Certainly, my ego has taken a lot of blows but I

> > recognize that there are alternatives choices to make.

> > There are substitutes for the activities that brought me joy in

> years

> > past. I am relying on my creativity to bring joy back into my

> life.

> > I am discovering new people, new things, new life in surprising

> > places. The world is a huge diamond with more facets than we can

> > count. Right now I see mostly the dull facets, the dark ones

that

> > have little or no light shining on them. I continue to see and to

> > seek the ones that glow with brilliance. With the grace of the

> > Divine One, they do exist!

> > I had the privilege of working with refugees who suffered

> > atrocities that outweigh my suffering. I usually don't compare

the

> > worst of our sufferings instead I do look to them and other

> survivors

> > of tragedies as guides. One of my favorite quotes from Dr.

> > Tournier in a book, " Creative Suffering, " is: " Courage is not

> > taught, it is caught. " This is why this message board is so

> helpful

> > to us all. Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. I wish

us

> > all a glorious future! Peace, Maxine

[Guest guest]

Re: Gwen OrelOff topic: I know a Gwen Orel, she was a theatre student at Pitt. Is this you? I was the dept administrator. hello MerrimanOn 5/29/06,

Gwen Orel <gwenorel@...> wrote:

Hi y'all,

happy to say the hives are gone. Thanks for the aveeno tips. I'm

still on large doses of antihistamines, but down to 20 mg of pred.

Anyway, re RA and depression, allow me to offer some thoughts-- I'm 41

and have had it for 27 years (yup, since age 14).

One thing to keep in mind, and it's very important, is that depression

is a real, chemical side-effect of the disease, in addition to

whatever sadness you may feel because you happen to be in pain. I

sooooo wish I had known this when I was a teen and busily analyzing

why I felt so sad and sluggish, because being analytical I could come

up with reasons, but the REAL reason I would cry at the least little

thing wasn't " I'm in pain " but " my brain chemistry has been altered. "

Sometimes a short course of paxil can snap you out of it and in the

long run that's MUCH better.

Also remember to focus on what you CAN do not on what you've lost.

Bad as we have it, there are people who are worse off, amputees and

cancer victims etc., and with RA at least there's always the hope of

full remission...

[Guest guest]

Hi Gwen,

I have never been told that depression is a side effect of RA. I do

amit that I go thru ups and downs, and it seems like more downs

lately but I dont really attribute that to my RA, rather maybe from

my fatigue; caused by my RA. Ya know?

What's everyonelse think? Is this just something I somehow haven't

been told yet or is it a personal opinion thing?

>

> Hi y'all,

> happy to say the hives are gone. Thanks for the aveeno tips. I'm

> still on large doses of antihistamines, but down to 20 mg of pred.

>

> Anyway, re RA and depression, allow me to offer some thoughts--

I'm 41

> and have had it for 27 years (yup, since age 14).

>

> One thing to keep in mind, and it's very important, is that

depression

> is a real, chemical side-effect of the disease, in addition to

> whatever sadness you may feel because you happen to be in pain. I

> sooooo wish I had known this when I was a teen and busily analyzing

> why I felt so sad and sluggish, because being analytical I could

come

> up with reasons, but the REAL reason I would cry at the least

little

> thing wasn't " I'm in pain " but " my brain chemistry has been

altered. "

>

> Sometimes a short course of paxil can snap you out of it and in the

> long run that's MUCH better.

>

> Also remember to focus on what you CAN do not on what you've lost.

> Bad as we have it, there are people who are worse off, amputees and

> cancer victims etc., and with RA at least there's always the hope

of

> full remission...

>

[Guest guest]

Gwen, You said the right thing...depression is a R E A L disease. I hated it when Tom Cruise spoke out against getting treatment for depression/postpartum depression, it runs in my family, and none of them were cured w/ exercise! in WV Gwen Orel <gwenorel@...> wrote: Hi y'all,happy to say the hives are gone. Thanks for the aveeno tips. I'mstill on large doses of antihistamines, but down to 20 mg of pred.Anyway, re RA and depression, allow me to offer some thoughts-- I'm 41and have had it for 27 years (yup, since age 14).One thing to keep in mind, and it's very important, is that depressionis a real,

chemical side-effect of the disease, in addition towhatever sadness you may feel because you happen to be in pain. Isooooo wish I had known this when I was a teen and busily analyzingwhy I felt so sad and sluggish, because being analytical I could comeup with reasons, but the REAL reason I would cry at the least littlething wasn't "I'm in pain" but "my brain chemistry has been altered."Sometimes a short course of paxil can snap you out of it and in thelong run that's MUCH better.Also remember to focus on what you CAN do not on what you've lost. Bad as we have it, there are people who are worse off, amputees andcancer victims etc., and with RA at least there's always the hope offull remission...__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

cruise is a self centered idiot - period Helen P. NW ohio ('s a hometown girl - I feel sorry for her for getting involved with him) Gleason <gleasongirl76@...> wrote: Gwen, You said the right thing...depression is a R E A L disease. I hated it when Tom Cruise spoke out against getting treatment for depression/postpartum depression, it runs in my family, and none of them were cured w/ exercise! in WV Gwen Orel <gwenorel@...> wrote: Hi

y'all,happy to say the hives are gone. Thanks for the aveeno tips. I'mstill on large doses of antihistamines, but down to 20 mg of pred.Anyway, re RA and depression, allow me to offer some thoughts-- I'm 41and have had it for 27 years (yup, since age 14).One thing to keep in mind, and it's very important, is that depressionis a real, chemical side-effect of the disease, in addition towhatever sadness you may feel because you happen to be in pain. Isooooo wish I had known this when I was a teen and busily analyzingwhy I felt so sad and sluggish, because being analytical I could comeup with reasons, but the REAL reason I would cry at the least littlething wasn't "I'm in pain" but "my brain chemistry has been altered."Sometimes a short course of paxil can snap you out of it and in thelong run that's MUCH better.Also remember to focus on what you CAN do not on what you've lost. Bad

as we have it, there are people who are worse off, amputees andcancer victims etc., and with RA at least there's always the hope offull remission...__________________________________________________