Re: abbie's surgery

[Guest guest]

Wow - that must have taken a lot of courage! (Both the decision to have surgery, AND to post that message!)I am so happy that you are happy!abbie gogarty <abbie_gog@...> wrote: Hi, I don't often post on this site these days, but I feel

the need to add my comments. I didn't have surgery until I was 19 years old. When I was a child, I was a shy, anxious girl who suffered as many of us have, terrible bullying etc . As a teenager, I had loads of friends and did well at school, I was cheeky, naughty and popular at school,I think this was to make up for the way i looked, but I never had a boyfriend like my friends, and I never felt attractive, i always felt 'different' to the other girls. As a young woman, I became really aware of my appearance and felt very self conscious when i went out etc. I used to get really angry at the world for treating me the way it did because my eye's were different. I never felt 'normal' and always felt different from everyone else. After surgery my life changed

significantly, I was confident, felt more attractive and managed to achieve the things I never thought I would as a young woman, such as a successful career and a wonderful husband , you sound very angry, I came from a very supportive family, my sister and my dad have BPES. I had, and still have fantastic friends, regardless of my BPES. When I was a baby surgery wasn't an option because it wasn't that advanced then. I hope your comments haven't made any parents feel guilty about their children's surgery. I would like to say to those parents, that my only regret about my surgery is not having it sooner! I didn't tilt my head, I could see fine, the only reason I had surgery was 100% cosmetic, and I'm not ashamed of that. Call me shallow if you like, but I'm so happy with my life it really wouldn't bare any impact. blepharophimosis Surgery? Its sickening> > > > Im struggling right now to write this post with some sort of tact. > I > > thought this was a support group for people

with "blepharophimosis" > > but to me it seems like surgery is what is being supported... . > > > > I would never dream of having surgery. What would i tell my child, > > when it was born, with eyes like me? How could i justify it, and > tell > > him or her that she is beautiful, except one thing, which surgery > > could "fix"? How could i make him face the world alone, if i had > went > > through surgery to get 'normal' eyes? The child would come out with > a > > perception innately that something was wrong with him. Why else > would > > mom have changed herself, if there wasnt a problem? > > > > I hear of kids going through 3 or 4 surgeries. I dont know if non > > affected parents have a complete understanding of just > > how...disturbing this is. > > > > In my family, people have

had eyes like mine since before my great > > grandmother. I cant imagine what it would be like for two parents > > without the eyes to have a kid with the eyes. They must feel > > estranged, upset, scared, i dont know. > > > > But out of the bottom of my heart i would urge every single parent > > who ever has a child with the eyes to think about what they are > > doing. > > > > I grew up with family, constantly telling me i was beautiful, that > > there was nothing wrong with me and i had as much right to be on > the > > earth as anyone else. I dont know what it would be like to be > alone, > > never seeing a family member with eyes like yours, and then to have > > your parents show you in the direction of surgery. > > > > My eyes dont give me a huge vision problem, i dont even have ANY >

> vision problems. So for an unaffected parent to give their child > > surgery at the age of 3 or 5 or something just really really upsets > > me. I was taught love and acceptance of peoples differences. > > > > I have been mocked, ridiculed and degraded my entire life by people > > who dont understand because of my eyes. But at the same time, i > would > > never get surgery to fix my outside appearance. It wont change my > > genes. > > > > Fuck being normal. Seriously. The people who hold my company love > and > > accept me for who I am. Ive waded through the callous assholes, and > > the friends i have now are true friends. A little bit of extra skin > > around my eyes doesnt change the way they feel about me. Sometimes > i > > thank god i was born this way. Now i know people love me for me >

> instead of strictly my appearance. > > > > This post is huge and rather unorganized. ..but we aren't diseased, > > people. We have extra skin on our eyelids, and some of us have > vision > > restrictions. We have all of our limbs. We can talk, be articulate, > > create things...Any time i feel bad about my eyes i just think > about > > people confined to wheel chairs, people who cant take care of > > themselves or who have mental disabilities. > > > > Do people put their children through surgery saying they want to > make > > their children feel better about themselves?? ? > > > > I didnt even know my eyes were any different than anyone elses till > i > > was about 5, and even then it was a tentative understanding that i > > was different. > > > > I think maybe its

the parents who feel uncomfortable. Maybe they > want > > to make themselves feel better about the way their child looks, and > > not vice versa. > > > > Im not trying to attack anyone personally, and if you want to call > me > > an asshole, or hate my words, please feel free. But i will tell you > > that i live this everyday. > > > > My cousin went to go have corrective surgery on her eyes. The only > > one in our entire family out of three generations. The doctors > messed > > up the operation and now she has limited function of one eye. You > > tell me what is better. > > > > Im really upset about this 'support' group. Im upset that i even > > found it. I thought i would be able to share experiences with > people > > like me. I didnt know that i would find people like me, going

> through > > surgery, so they wouldnt be like me. > > > > > > > > > >