Smiley Points

[Guest guest]

SMILEY POINTS

DIRECTIONS?

A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"

A Tough Task

A man was walking along the beach when he found an old bottle buried in the sand. He picked it up and cleaned it with his sleeve. Whereupon a genie appeared and offered him one wish. "Well my family lives in Australia. It would be great if there was a bridge between here and

Australia so I could drive and visit them."

"What!" cried the genie. "Have you any idea what building such a bridge would involve? The gigantic pillars all the way to the sea bed? The hundreds of gas stations to be supplied? The chaos to the shipping lanes? Are you sure there isn't anything else you'd like?"

The man thought for a moment. "Y'know, I've never had much luck in my relationships. Could you give me a complete understanding of women?"

The genie replied "Was it four lanes you wanted or six?"

Man and Wife

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

"OK," says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.

New Dog Breeds

The following breeds are now recognized:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog

fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the

choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial

advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter

anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Men and Marriage

Here's how a man evolves directly following marriage.

The Love Word:

After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you!

After 6 months: Of course, I love you.

After 6 years: If I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed?

Back from Work:

After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home

After 6 months: BACK!!

After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?

Phone Ringing:

After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone

After 6 months: Here, for you

After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE!

Cooking:

After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!

After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?

After 6 years: AGAIN!

New Dress:

After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.

After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?

After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:

After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

After 6 months: I like this movie

After 6 years: I'm going to watch FOXSPORTS, if you're not in the mood, go to Bed, I can stay up by myself