Re: Early Planning For School

[Guest guest]

Hello There

I am not to sure about the idea of a doctor coming in to explain. I feel this will immediately confirm in the mind of her classmates that she is different or ill which she is not. Her eyes are bit smaller. With my girls I noticed a difference in both of them growing which I attribute to the way I handled the issues. The 1st one I was more protective off, therefore took extra precautions which I think in the end made her think she must be really different. With her younger sis I think I was not as protective, took no extra precautions, When she ask me about her eyes I just point out that she has a beautiful unforgettable face and that she is unique. She grew up with this notion, She was the life and soul of all her classes and all the boys in her class wanted her as their best friend. She was and still is a very confident child, so much so that when we had to have the corrective surgery because of her sight, she was not happy to proceed as she felt she will now loose her special feature, she will be less special and now look like everyone else. She still resents the change, while her sis wanted the change and is less confident.

What I'm I saying? Children are more resilient than we give them credit for, Children in her class/school will be curious but if she can answer, the more she will probably know and if she does not know, she's got you to turn to for answers.

Just my thoughts

All the best whatever you do

Joyce (Mayowa & Tina's mum)

London UK

[Guest guest]

Hey gorgeous peeps

My thoughts are, I think you are a fabulous mum, thinking and preparing for your daughter, and I would like to send congrats to you.

For me, at the start we didnt do anything when we sent Emy to school, and kids do 'except things. However as emy got older, we went in and spoke with her head and her class because there had been calling names, but this was when she was 10. The best thing we did was get the headteacher and teachers on side, explain to them.

So we did go in and talk but only when it was an issue, she started school at 4 and was there for 6years before we needed to speak with them.

Anyway thats my stuff, good luck with deciding what to do.

Clare Teale

Herts

UK

From: joyceaibitoye@... <joyceaibitoye@...>Subject: Re: blepharophimosis Early Planning For Schoolblepharophimosis Date: Sunday, 25 April, 2010, 16:27

Hello There

I am not to sure about the idea of a doctor coming in to explain. I feel this will immediately confirm in the mind of her classmates that she is different or ill which she is not. Her eyes are bit smaller. With my girls I noticed a difference in both of them growing which I attribute to the way I handled the issues. The 1st one I was more protective off, therefore took extra precautions which I think in the end made her think she must be really different. With her younger sis I think I was not as protective, took no extra precautions, When she ask me about her eyes I just point out that she has a beautiful unforgettable face and that she is unique. She grew up with this notion, She was the life and soul of all her classes and all the boys in her class wanted her as their best friend. She was and still is a very confident child, so much so that when we had to have the corrective surgery because of her sight, she was not happy to proceed as

she felt she will now loose her special feature, she will be less special and now look like everyone else. She still resents the change, while her sis wanted the change and is less confident.

What I'm I saying? Children are more resilient than we give them credit for, Children in her class/school will be curious but if she can answer, the more she will probably know and if she does not know, she's got you to turn to for answers.

Just my thoughts

All the best whatever you do

Joyce (Mayowa & Tina's mum)

London UK

[Guest guest]

I think a child needs to be able to answer the questions that may come up, generally little children will accept answers. It reallly depends on your story, Lily has had surgery and she will tell children, "the doctor helped me to open my eyes bigger,but they are still small like my mommy's" Rarely has anyone asked her anything, when she had surgery, she did have to explain the suture marks at first and she has a faint scar on her leg, It is noticeable sometimes when she lifts her brow, where the suture marks are from the slings, she prefers wearing bangs right now because of that.

In Kinder, a teacher can easily address the "everyone is different" issue with a book or a discussion with children.

I think a more thorough explanation (such as from a doctor) will draw more attention to your child. I am impressed you hae a doctor who would visit a school!

You may be surprised to find other children in your daughter's class who have special concerns that are much more significant than bpes.

From: joyceaibitoye@ aol.com <joyceaibitoye@ aol.com>Subject: Re: blepharophimosis Early Planning For SchoolblepharophimosisDate: Sunday, 25 April, 2010, 16:27

Hello There

I am not to sure about the idea of a doctor coming in to explain. I feel this will immediately confirm in the mind of her classmates that she is different or ill which she is not. Her eyes are bit smaller. With my girls I noticed a difference in both of them growing which I attribute to the way I handled the issues. The 1st one I was more protective off, therefore took extra precautions which I think in the end made her think she must be really different. With her younger sis I think I was not as protective, took no extra precautions, When she ask me about her eyes I just point out that she has a beautiful unforgettable face and that she is unique. She grew up with this notion, She was the life and soul of all her classes and all the boys in her class wanted her as their best friend. She was and still is a very confident child, so much so that when we had to have the corrective surgery because of her sight, she was not happy to proceed as

she felt she will now loose her special feature, she will be less special and now look like everyone else. She still resents the change, while her sis wanted the change and is less confident.

What I'm I saying? Children are more resilient than we give them credit for, Children in her class/school will be curious but if she can answer, the more she will probably know and if she does not know, she's got you to turn to for answers.

Just my thoughts

All the best whatever you do

Joyce (Mayowa & Tina's mum)

London UK

[Guest guest]

Here is some of a post I wrote a few years ago... maybe it will help

One of the biggest things that helped was i approached my son's teacher, i did

not know what to do before that, however it was one of the best things i have

done, shortly after that, the teacher was talking to the class and decided to

tell them a story about a puppet master who made puppets and the main story line

was if the puppets were PERFECT they would receive GOLD buttons on their

jackets, if they were NOT perfect or had a tiny flaw he would put SILVERr

buttons on their jackets.. ..basically the teacher said to the kids if you make

fun of children that seem to be different from you then you are saying they only

deserve silver buttons.. (great metaphor)

she then told them to look around the room and note how everyones hair was

different, eye color was different, nose was different and asked them if they

had blue eyes and so and so had brown eyes then why does it make their blue eyes

right? she told me at the end of the day that majority of the children said that

their parents are the ones who told them what was right and wrong.. not once

during this life lesson did she mention my son or single out anyone else in the

class that was different .... so it may be a good way because it generalizes

ALL the differences not just your child... the teachers were really my first

line of defence...

after that Lynden seemed to get teased less and less (there were a few other

kids in the class with " problems " too who got teased less and less) not saying

it will fix everything but maybe if the teacher is aware and talks to the

children as a group then it might ease everything..

Lynden my son is very very very very passive and was prone to bullying and

teasing but as long as i told him it was ok everyday got easier and easier. He

is now in grade 7 and still shy but knows how to handle the stares and

questions, he says alot " cuz god made me that way, just like god made you

different from me " or if someone says " whats wrong with your eyes, " ? he

responds with " there is something wrong with my eyes?? " and says I better go

see... (his little joke, stops everyone in their tracks)

lol

Good luck and you will be surprised with how resilient your child will be...

Tonikka (Lynden)

Edmonton CANADA

>

> Ok, I have a question for all of you. My older daughter is starting school

this year, and it got me to thinking about when Catalina (aka Tina) starts

school (next year). I hope this question isn't inappropriate and doesn't offend

anyone. If it does, I apologize. I'm just trying to think ahead and figure out

the best way to stop some of the teasing before it starts.

>

> When my Tina starts school, should I ask her Dr to sit in on a class for an

hour or so, and answer any questions the other kids might have about her? Would

that be inappropriate? Do you think it would benefit her, or hurt her later? I

want her classmates to understand that she is normal, just like the rest of

them, but her eyes are just a little different. I also don't want her to feel

like she is some sort of " circus side show " that has to be explained to

everyone, and there is a part of me that thinks having her Dr come in and talk

to the kids about it might not be a good thing. But then I think maybe it would

be a good thing, because the Dr might be able to explain it to the kids better

than she can. I'm kind of torn. I see pro's and con's to both arguments. What do

yall think? I will ask this same question on the Facebook group as well. All

input is welcome.

>

[Guest guest]

I would agree with everything other people have said. Explain to the teachers,

ours were wonderful and did an " everyone is different " talk too. It was more

the older children rather than Todd's peers who teased him. Make sure the child

has an answer - Todd just says he has blepharophimosis (or his version of the

pronunciation anyway!) which usually stops people asking anything else. Also

if you are going to be around the school with an older sibling for the year

before you may find people are already used to how she looks before she starts?

Caroline