Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Hi Elaine, One issue, I think, is that there is a lot of misunderstanding of sexual desire in our society (due to media, movies, etc.). People on the list may already know this, but research has shown that the Masters- model of sexuality (spontaneous desire -> arousal -> orgasm -> resolution) primarily applies to men and less often to women. Although research has shown that female sexual desire statistically does increase around ovulation, female sexuality is more complex than the Masters- model. Dr. Rosemary Basson has proposed a different model -- the female sexual response cycle -- that better models female sexuality. In this model, most women actually start in a mindset of " neutrality " . In response to a partner's advances (and previous experiences), women make a conscious decision to be sexual. This leads to arousal, and then to what is called " responsive " desire. For many women, responsive desire is actually the " normal " -- rather than spontaneous desire -- especially women in long-term relationships. Knowing this can be very therapeutic for wives and husbands: wives know they are normal even if they often lack spontaneous desire; and husbands don't feel rejected if their wives aren't spontaneously initiating. Here's a review article by Dr. Basson on the topic: http://www.canadianmedicaljournal.ca/content/172/10/1327.full Sincerely, Yong On 5/7/2012 3:57 PM, elaine mills wrote: > Dear elaine, thank you for having the courage to voice this question. > As a " lay " instructor does that mean you are an atheist? Even if you > have no belief in God, can you not see a " design " regarding life in > your work as a NFP Instructor? > > Oh no! By " lay " instructor I mean I am a layperson, not a medical > professional- I am a volunteer for CCL. > It is a subject that wives bring up to me- usually their husbands are > frustrated by their lack of responsiveness, etc... and they are > frustrated by lack of interest during the infertile time. I don't know > how to counsel them because we are faithful Catholics. I just know > that it is a problem that DOES exist and the rote answers aren't > always what the couples want to hear. They want compassion about this > conundrum. The wife starts feeling like an object of her husband's > sexual desire because she has no interest but he does... so she is > charitable to his needs and feels resentful at the same time. > > I cannot be the only instructor that has had disgruntled couples with > this issue! > > Elaine > > Reply to sender > <mailto:millselaine@...?subject=Re%3A%20%5B%5D%20Comparing\ %20NFP%20with%20Other%20Fertility%20Awareness%20Methods> > | Reply to group > <mailto: ?subject=Re%3A%20%5B%5D%\ 20Comparing%20NFP%20with%20Other%20Fertility%20Awareness%20Methods> > | Reply via web post > </post;_ylc=X3oDMTJxbTY0MDJmBF9TAz\ k3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRtc2dJZAM4NDkzBHNlYwNmdH\ IEc2xrA3JwbHkEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--?act=reply & messageNum=8493> > | Start a New Topic > </post;_ylc=X3oDMTJmdDM0bmU4BF9TAz\ k3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNudHBjBH\ N0aW1lAzEzMzY0MzE0NjI-> > > Messages in this topic > </message/8412;_ylc=X3oDMTM1Z3RzMT\ A3BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRtc2dJZAM4NDkzBH\ NlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2MgR0cGNJZAM4NDEy> > (28) > Recent Activity: > > * New Files > </files;_ylc=X3oDMTJoM2dnazhhBF9TA\ zk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2ZmlsZ\ XMEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--> > 1 > > Visit Your Group > <;_ylc=X3oDMTJmb2R2YjhkBF9TAzk3MzU\ 5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2Z2hwBHN0aW1\ lAzEzMzY0MzE0NjI-> > > > <;_ylc=X3oDMTJlMmcybHY0BF9TAzk3NDc2NTkwBGdycElkAzEyMzM4N\ DYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNnZnAEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--> > > Switch to: Text-Only > <mailto:-traditional ?subject=Change%20Delivery%2\ 0Format:%20Traditional>, > Daily Digest > <mailto:-digest ?subject=Email%20Delivery:%20Dige\ st> > • Unsubscribe > <mailto:-unsubscribe ?subject=Unsubscribe> > • Terms of Use <> > . > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2012 Report Share Posted May 8, 2012 Anyone who has practice periodic continence knows a woman's desire is strongest in the days leading up to ovulation. This was also the finding of the groundbreaking psychoanalytic work of Therese Benedek the Hungarian psychoanalyst, who probably did more on this than anyone has ever done. I always chuckle a bit when people contradict this, and it reminds me of the guy who does a double blind randomized study to find out if people are afraid of needles! Sincerely yours, Dominic M. Pedulla MD, FACC, CNFPMC, ABVM, ACPh Interventional Cardiologist, Endovascular Diplomate, Varicose Vein Specialist, Noncontraceptive Family Planning Consultant, Family Planning Researcher Medical Director, The Oklahoma Vein and Endovascular Center (www.noveinok.com, veininfo@...) Executive Director, The Edith Stein Foundation (www.theedithsteinfoundation.com) 405-947-2228 (office) 405-834-7506 (cell) 405-947-2307 (FAX) pedullad@... "...the priestly ministry is not just a pastoral service; it ensures the continuity of the functions entrusted by Christ to the Apostles and the continuity of the powers related to those functions. Adaptation to civilizations and times therefore cannot abolish, on essential points, the sacramental reference to constitutive events of Christianity and to Christ himself." (Inter Insignores) Re: sexual desire Hi Elaine, One issue, I think, is that there is a lot of misunderstanding of sexual desire in our society (due to media, movies, etc.). People on the list may already know this, but research has shown that the Masters- model of sexuality (spontaneous desire -> arousal -> orgasm -> resolution) primarily applies to men and less often to women. Although research has shown that female sexual desire statistically does increase around ovulation, female sexuality is more complex than the Masters- model. Dr. Rosemary Basson has proposed a different model -- the female sexual response cycle -- that better models female sexuality. In this model, most women actually start in a mindset of "neutrality". In response to a partner's advances (and previous experiences), women make a conscious decision to be sexual. This leads to arousal, and then to what is called "responsive" desire. For many women, responsive desire is actually the "normal" -- rather than spontaneous desire -- especially women in long-term relationships. Knowing this can be very therapeutic for wives and husbands: wives know they are normal even if they often lack spontaneous desire; and husbands don't feel rejected if their wives aren't spontaneously initiating. Here's a review article by Dr. Basson on the topic: http://www.canadianmedicaljournal.ca/content/172/10/1327.full Sincerely, Yong On 5/7/2012 3:57 PM, elaine mills wrote: > Dear elaine, thank you for having the courage to voice this question. > As a "lay" instructor does that mean you are an atheist? Even if you > have no belief in God, can you not see a "design" regarding life in > your work as a NFP Instructor? > > Oh no! By "lay" instructor I mean I am a layperson, not a medical > professional- I am a volunteer for CCL. > It is a subject that wives bring up to me- usually their husbands are > frustrated by their lack of responsiveness, etc... and they are > frustrated by lack of interest during the infertile time. I don't know > how to counsel them because we are faithful Catholics. I just know > that it is a problem that DOES exist and the rote answers aren't > always what the couples want to hear. They want compassion about this > conundrum. The wife starts feeling like an object of her husband's > sexual desire because she has no interest but he does... so she is > charitable to his needs and feels resentful at the same time. > > I cannot be the only instructor that has had disgruntled couples with > this issue! > > Elaine > > Reply to sender > <mailto:millselaine@...?subject=Re%3A%20%5B%5D%20Comparing%20NFP%20with%20Other%20Fertility%20Awareness%20Methods> > | Reply to group > <mailto: ?subject=Re%3A%20%5B%5D%20Comparing%20NFP%20with%20Other%20Fertility%20Awareness%20Methods> > | Reply via web post > </post;_ylc=X3oDMTJxbTY0MDJmBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRtc2dJZAM4NDkzBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3JwbHkEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--?act=reply & messageNum=8493> > | Start a New Topic > </post;_ylc=X3oDMTJmdDM0bmU4BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNudHBjBHN0aW1lAzEzMzY0MzE0NjI-> > > Messages in this topic > </message/8412;_ylc=X3oDMTM1Z3RzMTA3BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRtc2dJZAM4NDkzBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2MgR0cGNJZAM4NDEy> > (28) > Recent Activity: > > * New Files > </files;_ylc=X3oDMTJoM2dnazhhBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2ZmlsZXMEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--> > 1 > > Visit Your Group > <;_ylc=X3oDMTJmb2R2YjhkBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2Z2hwBHN0aW1lAzEzMzY0MzE0NjI-> > > > <;_ylc=X3oDMTJlMmcybHY0BF9TAzk3NDc2NTkwBGdycElkAzEyMzM4NDYyBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA2MTE0NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNnZnAEc3RpbWUDMTMzNjQzMTQ2Mg--> > > Switch to: Text-Only > <mailto:-traditional ?subject=Change%20Delivery%20Format:%20Traditional>, > Daily Digest > <mailto:-digest ?subject=Email%20Delivery:%20Digest> > • Unsubscribe > <mailto:-unsubscribe ?subject=Unsubscribe> > • Terms of Use <> > . > ------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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